Whatever We Had

Sunrise

#WWHSunrise
00
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The clouds looked as soft as a cotton. The sunlight beamed at me, wanting to be touched. Smooth, yellow light, slighty touching my bare skin.

The sky looked like the painting I used to have when I was a kid. It was this same scenery.

One cloudy afternoon at a beach, with an innocent-looking girl who seem to be lost in her thoughts in the middle of the sea.

Just like the girl in that painting, I too, was once again, drown in my thoughts. Just as how much I want to drown my self right now.

It's always this same feeling of being not enough.

Dad rented this whole resort in Ferris for the Clemente yearly gathering. The Clementes, in general, all seem to be bubbly and easy to be with, in contrary to what I am. No wonder they always make me meet new people.

I wasn't exactly like everyone else around me. My cousins excel in academics, win pageants, and are determined to take over their parents' businesses.

Well I'm, on the other hand, engaged to art. I've always loved playing with colors, looking like a mess with paints on my hand.

Through art, I can give light to my already dark life. Atleast in a painting, I can brand myself as someone who enjoys living, right?

I'm not exactly good like my cousins when it comes to academics, but I'm not that bad either. Let's say I'm above average, they're near excellent.

They were all busy catching up with each other's lives, talking about their child's achievements-which I have heard a couple of times already. I rolled my eyes involuntarily.

Dont get me wrong, I don't envy them for being at the top of the pinnacle. I'm contented with what I have. It's just that, I wished for an understanding parent like what they have. A parent that will support and encourage me to be better, not a parent that will mindlessly point out my flaws.

I deeply sighed. I don't need that negative energy in my life. Unfortunately, what I don't need is what I get.

The unfamiliarity from the topic made me stand up from my seat.

"Where are you going, Wraia?" Penny, the eldest of the Clemente cousins, asked. She's 6 years older than me, by the way.

"Somewhere you guys are non-existent." I said before smiling fakely.

She frowned at my dark humour.

"Just kidding. I don't know. I'll just..." I trailed off, trying to utter the right excuse, "walk around."

"Make sure to be back before sunset, alright? Uncle Van's going to look for you."

They really think that man cares for me, huh?

"Sure, he will." I said sarcastically as I turned my back on them. I can be good as dead and he still won't even care. How I wish...

After a few hours of walking around, trying to look for something I can treasure-to which I found none, I decided to sit on the sand of this endless shore. The rest house we're staying in is already out of my sight.

My thoughts brought me here. The waves seem like they want to be appreciated; And so after a few minutes of resting, I did.

I slowly walked past the shore, wanting to go farther than I can. The thin fabric of my dress soaked. The waves, in a rapid speed, kissed my body.

I thightly hugged my self when the wind blew and kissed my skin. It's so cold.

Without second thoughts, I made my way to the extent of what I can until the saltwater fully enveloped my body.

And when I got there, my thoughts start to wander. I lost contact with reality.

I remember every little fragment of his insults. How he would always degrade my passion. How can someone so close to me be as heartless as this?

I can never forget how we would look at my report card like the mere sight of it would kill him.

He who is up there knows that I tried and I'm still trying my best.

And let's not forget your 17th birthday, Wraia. The demons in my mind slowly crawled their way in. The day he almost hit you for ditching your last subject for an art competition, remembered that, Wraia?

How about the day he called your art, cheap?

For someone who just wants to take a break from reality, they will think of this as a relaxation, an escape from the real world. But for someone like me who's tired of living, working my ass up to meet their never ending expectations, this is suicide.

I felt something in my heart twitched as the waves move in a more rapid speed, almost drowning me. Is it fear that I felt? Or excitement for my anticipated death?

People who will witness what's going to happen to me will probably think that I'm out of my mind.

If I die today, my family would probably be glad. Well, atleast, if my judgment is right, not my mom.

I can already hear my father saying, "She wanted this. Let's not make a big deal about it."

Do I really want this? I brought my self here, anyway. So I guess I do.

It would probably take them hours to notice that I'm not around. And even if they find out, it's not like they will look for me immediately.

They don't even care about me. And so it's good that I won't, as well.

I've been living for years yet I never hear him say that he's proud of me. Whatever we had in the past few years, I'll bring it with me in the afterlife. If there's such thing...

He who is up there, I could only beg for His forgiveness. I am sorry I'm weak. Nonetheless, I am grateful He let me live. He let me see the wonders of this world. He let me feel the feeling of being alive, though barely breathing.

I could only hope for one thing, for a miracle.

In this hopeless case I'm in, no matter how much I loathe this life, I wish to be saved.

I languidly close my eyes, gasped for air, and hoped for a miracle, before a big wave slowly crashed into my almost lifeless body.

It was that afternoon, when everyone, even me, thought that I wouldnt make it alive. ______________________________________

Live and love.