Mina's Cry
When I stumbled up the steps to my house I found no one was home. My aunt and uncle had apparently gone out to dinner to enjoy their alone time and my cousins were still at the dance. I was alone in more ways than one.
Vlad had chosen to speak with Meredith instead of me and therefore received a kiss. Even if he did think more of me no boy could deny the fact that I merely kissed his cheek and not his lips. I wasn't sure if he wanted me to. I wasn't as confident as that perfect girl I guess.
I was too haunted by what my cousins would think if I expressed my feelings to the world. And then again I was also nervous that Vlad wouldn't return my feelings. I would be heartbroken if he didn't. And if he did, then what? I can't expect him to just drop Meredith and come to me with open arms, can I? Not that he would anyway. He looked at her with eyes that I rarely ever saw.
I saw those eyes in my parents in my memories and pictures. I also saw the same eyes in his parents, at least the pictures I've seen of them.
Though there were times those sparkling eyes glowed at me. I cherished those moment in my memory ever since. At certain times and it was unsure when, Vlad would look at me and his eyes sparkled like diamonds at night. Leading me out of the darkness and into his light. I knew now this wasn't just a crush.
I didn't think of him as a high school crush. I thought of him as a lifelong love. I truly felt that I loved him even though I never felt love before. And not puppy love, honest love.
If I wasn't with him I wanted to be. If I was near him I didn't want to touch him, I need to touch him. I needed to hear his voice and smile. I needed to feel his hand in mine at all times. I would do anything to make him blush the way he makes me. To cause that shining gleam in his eyes and feel his love radiating toward me is like a gift from God.
I sobbed on my bed; the image of Meredith pressing her lips to Vlad's ran clear inside my brain. I held my head in my hands, my fingers scrunching my hair in my hands.
I shook my head and to my own defeat and stared at my hands. I noticed my ring again. I held it close to my face to examine it. Anything to get my mind off of my heart break. I pulled it off my finger and rolled it in my hands. I noticed a small symbol on the inside band. I squinted my eyes to see what the symbol could be.
The symbol was of three lines slanting downward to the right. Running down the length of the lines were two straight lines. All these lines were incased in what looked like parenthesis. I have only seen a symbol like that in one other place.
Vlad's tattoo.
I was never sure why or how he got the tattoo. I never pried to ask why he got it or what they symbol was. The symbol was exactly the same, smaller but still there. How did it get there? Was it Vlad who put it there? Why did he put it there if it was him? What does the symbol mean? Did it mean anything at all?
The second my mind returned to Vlad I tossed the ring at my desk. I wouldn't see him until but a day before Henry's birthday before New Years.
The pain of loneliness filled me yet I shoved that aside. Could I forgive him for kissing her back? Could I forgive Meredith if she asked me to? Not that she ever would. I couldn't, that I knew. Yet if he asked forgiveness could I refuse?
My mother said that it ran in the females on her side of the family to never be able to forgive. And were we able to, not fully or easily. She told me that the McMillan women were known to hold onto our vendettas forever.
I pressed my IPod to play in the speaker and heard Dracula. More salty tears formed at the notes I heard. Please Don't Make Me Love You.
"There's only so much that a heart can take before it starts to break. Please don't make me love you. Please don't make me need you. I've no room in my life for something like this. Please don't take my mornings. Please don't take my summers. I know they will vanish the moment we kiss. I grow weak when we talk; I'm confused when we touch. I should just walk away but that's asking too much."
My voice wasn't as good as it could be for the fact I was crying. I ripped out the clips holding my hair up and let it fall over my shoulders. I whipped away my running mascara.
"Please don't make me do this. Please don't make me want this. All my dreams were taken until I met you. You're the one I think of soon as I awaken. Funny how the heart tells the mind what to do."
I decided to show Vlad that I was upset. Next time I am with him I will act how I feel. Hurt. I will show him I am hurt. When he asks I will ignore him, having him know it is his fault. We spend all day, every day with each other. If I shun him, he will go crazy.
"I'm not sure I can go through all the joy and the pain. Much better now to let these dreams take flight! Please don't make me love you. Please don't make me need you. Simplify my life by just setting me free! Promise me you'll do this. Only you can do this..."
Ever since the day I met Vlad over a year ago I have fighting against his pull toward me. I ignored my attraction to him. I didn't listen when my mind wanders to him or my heart soars to see him. Or the degree to which I wish he would just give in and kiss me. I want him to know so badly, yet there are so many problems. I walked to my desk, picked up the small silver and ruby ring. A ghost of a smile echoed over my features as I placed it on my finger.
"Please don't make me love you unless you love me."
