Bittersweet
I woke up and stretched while yawning. I scratched my head and ran my hands over my face. I turned on my side and I saw Mina. She slept peacefully, all bundled up in her blanket and her cheek pressed to her pillow. I smiled faintly and watched her gentle breathing.
Last night was... eventful. I'm not sure exactly where to start. Should I start at how Mina looked at the party? Or when we woke up? Maybe, her voice when she sang?
I reviewed the night over again but my mind just fell back to the present when she shifted slightly. Her head turned slightly so she was no longer half covered with her pillow. I now saw her whole face as she continued to rest. Her pale skin is the only thing that seemed to reflect light in the darkness of the room, framed by the blankets and her dark hair.
My mind flew back to that kiss. All we were doing was dancing, and then I had to be an idiot and lead us away from everyone. But it was her who brought it up; she was the one who moved forward first.
But she looked so tempting. If you stand an alcoholic in a room full of water bottles, and then in the farthest corner you add a bottle of the best alcohol in the world, do you think he can resist? For me to ask myself to not kiss Mina was like telling him to only drink the endless bottles of water. It would probably be better for him, but it would also probably never happen. It would be against his nature, his will, his body, his soul, and his mind.
Now I know I like Meredith, I do. I always have. Mina is something else, possibly something more. I've kissed Meredith and my heart began to soar. I felt my stomach flip, my heart fly out of my body, and happier than ever. When I kissed Mina I felt ecstasy, like I was the alcoholic who only had a drop of the alcohol... It didn't make me happy, it made me feel perfect and wonderful. My heart didn't soar, it raced, my heart had never been so worked out in my life, not even when I had a stake through it. My stomach didn't flip, but it burned with a need stronger than I could say.
I needed to test it. I needed to see if it was just a first and only time thing, or if that... bliss... was real. But that would require me kissing her again. That would give her the wrong idea. And I would do anything before causing her that much torment.
I was right in eighth grade when I told Henry that I should never even think of kissing Mina. I was right; I wouldn't be able to stop. And I didn't. Would I be able to test it and control myself?
She was asleep, and I know from experience that McMillan's are deep sleepers. Yet she wasn't a McMillan, she was a Lovett. But she did show her sleep habits before, but could I count that when she was dead tired? If I were to attempt to steal a kiss, would she wake up? If she did, she would kill me. And that would make me more of an idiot. But I know she was tired, and she is deep in sleep now, she probably wouldn't even feel it! And it was for science.
Who am I kidding? It wasn't for science. Yeah it would be an experiment, but more of a test to see if I was addicted or if it was just a one-time feeling.
She didn't know how right she was last night; we were past the point of no return. No going back now, might as well watch the bridge as it burns, said in her own words. I made up my mind; I'm going to test it. I have to do it carefully, I can't get carried away. No matter what, I must not get carried away.
I took in a deep breath, keeping my eyes open as I slowly went forward. I watched her carefully as my face drew closer to hers, she didn't move except for breathing. My lips just barely tapped hers, a jolt of energy tingled my lips. I pulled back slightly and sighed. I needed to kiss her fully, not just a faint peck, or a short kiss. But I needed to kiss her, really kiss her.
That thought made me even more worried about if she would wake up. But I had to do it, damn the odds at this point.
I once again moved closer and pressed my lips lightly to hers, keeping my eyes open. She didn't move so I kissed slightly harder. I felt the same way, but the feeling of satisfying an addiction felt so good that I can't describe it. I moved my lips closer ever so slightly, enjoying the wonderful feel of curing the temptation, even for a short while.
As I was savoring the feel of it all, I suddenly felt her lips move under mine. She kissed me back and I froze.
Crap.
I pulled back, but before I got far her lips followed and her hands gently reached my face. I gasped slightly but the rushed feelings of enjoyment caused me to close my eyes slowly and kiss her back.
I pulled her close and kissed her gently, all the while trying to control myself and this unwelcome addiction. Without my minds consent I slowly pushed her back to lie fully on her back, me over her and supporting my weight. It was just a kiss, even still, but I wanted to kiss her more. It felt wonderfully perfect, and perfectly wonderful, all in one.
Suddenly, I heard the soft click of the door opening; I didn't have time to react. Mina, on the other hand, ended the kiss and I snapped my head up before I made things even worse.
I saw Otis in the doorway, just barely coming in. He didn't see the kiss, good, but I was still hovering over Mina. I felt my face grow warm and shame flooded my entire body. Otis ignored the fact I was so close to her, even though I knew it bothered him for some reason.
"Wake up you two, get dressed, Vikas and I have a surprise." Then he slowly, unsurely, closed the door. I looked down at Mina as he spoke and saw she had ended the kiss to play dead. She was perfectly still, except for calm breathing. If I didn't know any better, I would think she passed out. When the door was fully shut, her eyes popped open and she stared up at me. She searched my face yet I wasn't exactly sure what for. I didn't know what to do, so I slowly pulled back and sat down on my side of the bed.
She sat up as well, her face full of that lushes blood I have wanted more than anything. God how I hated it when she blushed. It made my vampire senses go crazy and made me weak and starved for blood. Even the slightest blush had this effect, I have no idea what possesses me to love to make her blush more, when the side effects simply suck.
She awkwardly stood up and scrambled into the bathroom after I didn't say anything. I just don't understand it!
Why did I do that? Now I feel terrible about it! How confused she must be now, I can't even think! And now I feel like I've betrayed Meredith. I'm not sure it's even healthy to fell this way about someone, especially your best friend's cousin!
I wonder... did my dad feel about my mom the same way I feel about Meredith? Or Mina? There's no way I can find out now. Now I wish I had my dad more than ever. He would know exactly what I should do. He would know if being with Meredith or being with Mina is better for me...But it shouldn't be this hard of a choice.
I mean, Meredith and Mina are completely different.
Meredith is beautiful and happy. Ever since the day I first saw her I knew I wanted to be with her for at least one date. I remember her bright pink dress, her pink sparkly lip-gloss smile, and her pretty hair. Her adorable brown eyes when she first looked at me made me want to smile into them every time. She was so happy in everything she did, and endlessly nice. So innocent and good and pure.
Mina was anything but. Mina held a more striking dark side that revealed a troubled past that I just yearned to know. When I met Mina, I didn't long for a date. I didn't long for any relationship with her. The only thing I wanted was forever, for who knows what reasons, I wanted that first moment to mean eternity. Instead of bright pink she had dark crimson. Instead of pink, sparkly, lip-gloss she had red, full, perfect lipstick. Instead of smiling every time I saw brown eyes, I wanted to stare for infinity into eyes the color of deep emeralds and light sapphires. She was so passionate and deep all the time. So startling and enticing and fiery.
Can one still love the day without bringing pain to the night? Does the moon feel negatively about the suns brighter rays?
Can't there be any way for someone to break this bittersweet spell on me? It can't be as if we are all lost in destiny, we have our own choices.
Most of all, why me? Meredith can have any guy in Bathory! Mina has guys, human and vampire, chasing after her all day and night! Why do they both choose me? What is so special about me that makes them think I deserve them?
I don't. I don't deserve Mina or Meredith. I don't deserve to ruin Meredith's popular reputation. I don't deserve to take Mina's life...
The truth can be so bittersweet.
