What Shouldn't Have Been.(X Factor FanFic) Book1

Chapter 40

Dani's Point Of View.

I grabbed a coat and left my hotel room. Once in the elevator I looked at myself in the mirror that was built into the back wall. 

My dark hair was tied high up in a ponytail. I didn't even bother with makeup, I  quite liked how I looked without it. I wore a white puffy coat and red skinny jeans. It was cold outside, completely opposite of how the weather was yesterday. It always amused me how fast the weather changed in UK.

Once outside I stuffed my hands into my pockets and made my way towards the bus stop. The bus would then take me to the Starbucks where I would meet with Ben. I was nervous, more nervous than when I actually was  naked in bed with him. I made terrible decisions in life and this was by far the worse. How could I have cheated on Jake? 

I arrived at the Starbucks fifteen minutes later. As per usual it wasn't full of people. I walked inside and the smell of coffee hit my nose. I inhaled deeply, I loved that smell. 

I unzipped my coat and glanced towards the seat where Ben and I usually met. Ben was already sitting there, looking at me. 

I felt my chest slightly tighten as I walked over to him. I had to bite my lip to stop myself from smiling. I didn't even know why I felt so happy to see him sitting there. Wearing a dark blue hoody. He seemed so composed. Sitting there with his hands on the table. Those hands that had touched me just two days ago. I swallowed and sat down in front of him.

''Hi.'' I whispered. 

I hoped that this conversation would go smoothly.

''Hi.'' Ben replied, the side of his mouth slightly twitched. He was no doubt suppressing a smile. At least I wasn't the only one.

''I'm sure there is no need for small talk.'' I said.

''Shame, I was looking forward to that.'' 

Ben's tone had changed completely. He seemed very relax. Where as just a few minutes ago on the phone he sounded angry and annoyed.

''I just want to get this over and done with.'' I said, not wanting to have a big conversation with him. I felt things towards him that I shouldn't be feeling. All the guilt that I felt towards Jake was put somewhere in the back of my mind. I didn't like that. I shouldn't have been feeling this way.

''Get what over and done with?'' Ben asked.

''You know, we can't see each other again, we shouldn't talk to each other thing.'' I said.

''You want that?''

I met his eyes unsure of what to reply with. I looked down at his hands and then down at my own. 

''Yes.'' I whispered, feeling like someone had stopped the blood flowing from my heart to other parts of the body. 

''Oh.' I heard Ben. 

I shut my eyes and let out a small sigh. I didn't look up at him but what else did he want?

''I know you're right.'' Ben said after a moment. 

I was still unable to look at him. I kept looking down at my fingers that were on the table.

''I am Jake's friend and I shouldn't have done it, but I like you Dani and I can't stop these feelings. I can't just turn them off.'' 

''I can't do this.'' I whispered finally looking up at him. 

His expression seemed pained, his eyes were full of sadness and hope. 

'' Even if I did feel the same way, it wouldn't be right. I couldn't do that to Jake, even if he does hate me now. And I... '' 

''You being with Jake hurts me, I know I sound like a jealous guy but that's because I am.'' 

'' I know...'' I said. feeling like no matter what  I did, I would end up hurting one of them. There was only one thing that I could do.

''I'm sorry Ben... I can't'' I said and stood up. Ben stood up as well and grabbed my hand. 

He turned me to face him. I looked at his face, his eyes his mouth. All of a sudden those lips were on mine. I didn't even see it coming, he kissed me softly and I couldn't hold back so I kissed him back. But I didn't let the kiss go on for long. I lightly pushed him away.

''Ben-''

''I know, I just wanted to do it one more time.'' He whispered. 

''Goodbye Ben.'' I said and Ben let go of my arm and I walked away. 

I knew that the decision that I made was the best thing for everyone. I walked back to my hotel room. Not bothering to take the bus. I wanted to clear my mind and I felt very warm from the kiss. 

I had decided to leave this relationship thing behind me in England. I didn't need this. The things that I had with Jake and Ben were just small flings. They didn't even mean anything. It was best for everyone really. There was no need to contact Jake as I was sure he didn't feel like talking to me. 

Two more days and I could go back to my home in Ireland. Back to my simple and normal life where I didn't need to worry about liking two guys at once.