If I have Nothing (Absinthe Series 5)

Kabanata 12

Kabanata 12

If I Have Nothing

I ran away from that house. Narinig ko ang pagpigil ni Mommy sa pagsunod ni Kuya sa akin. I don't know where else to go but my feet is telling me not to stop until I get tired.

Tearstained, I stopped near the playground in the subdivision. Nanghihina akong umupo sa buhanginang malapit sa pabilog na boulder. I hugged my knees and cried silently.

I let my tears flow on my cheeks as I placed my chin in between closed knees. Naramdaman ko ang pagkagat ng lamok sa aking balat ngunit hindi ko pinansin iyon.

Hindi ko naisip na darating ang araw kung saan lahat ng pinapangarap ko ay mawawala na lang bigla. Parang isang panaginip ang lahat na bigla akong pinukaw sa katotohanan. Sa sobrang pagpapakatotoo, hindi ko namalayang ang lahat ng ibinigay sa akin ay may kabayaran.

Bumibigat ang dibdib ko sa tuwing naiisip iyong araw na kinuha nila ako sa ampunan. It was the day that I thought I could have what I wanted my whole life. Pero lahat ng iyon pala ay dahil lamang sa isang kasunduan.

When I couldn't cry anymore, I hiccuped. Sinapo ko ang aking dibdib sa sakit na dulot noon. Malagkit na ang aking pisngi at namamawis na rin ako. I am sure that the make up that I wore was already smudged all over my face.

"Done crying?" Napaangat ang tingin ko sa malamig na boses na iyon. From a distance, I found Rhett standing and holding his guitar case over his shoulders. Ang malamig niyang tingin ay nasa sumisinok kong pigura.

"Why are you here?" I managed to croak out despite the hiccups. He took a step forward. Gumawa ng mahinang tunog ang yapak niyang iyon. Umatras ako at mas lalong iniyakap ang sarili. Parang dahil sa presensya niya ay mas lalong lumamig ang paligid.

I suddenly remembered what Kuya Boaz said. He's my fiance. And that, after this marriage, Kuya Bo was hoping that I could learn how to love his cold friend.

Parang hindi ko masikmurang isipin na magugustuhan ko si Rhett. He was always unfair to me. He hates me kaya paano ko matututunang mahalin ang isang taong sa una palang ay ayaw na ayaw na ang presensya ko. How could this situation be cruel to me?

Huminto sa harapan ko si Rhett. Itinukod ang dalang guitar case sa buhangin bago siya lumebel sa akin. Iniwas ko ang tingin sa kaniya. Siguradong nakakahiya ang mukha ko dahil may bakas ng luha. I probably looked like a child who lost her toy and crying for it desperately.

"They told you already?" he asked amidst the darkness. The dim light coming from the lamp post from afar gave justice to his Russian face.

I curtly nodded. Narinig ko ang pagbuntong-hininga niya at umupo sa buhanginan. He was sitting, indian style. Ang case ng gitara ay nakalapag na rin sa buhangin. Pasimple ko siyang sinulyapan. My eyes narrowed a bit. Suminghot ako. I watched him as he took out his guitar from the case.

My lips parted when I caught sight of his guitar strap. Iyon ang bigay ko sa kaniya noong Pasko. I didn't know whether he liked it or not but seeing him using it, I guess, he did. Or maybe he used it in order to dispose it immediately.

He wrapped the strap around him and stared back at me. Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa kaya naitikom ko ang aking bibig.

"You should know that they did it for the both of you," aniya. He started strumming the guitar. Ang malamyos na tunog ay pumainlang sa ere.

He was randomly strumming and I was just listening. Pinanuod ko ang paglipat ng kaniyang daliri sa bawat patlang ng strings. The way his slender fingers grip the string, it was as if  he dearly hold on to it.

"They used me," iyon lang ang nasabi ko.

Tumaas ang sulok ng labi niya. "Bo won't have a future if it weren't for that agreement. He'll stay as a company employee but not someone that could be on top. Boaz dreamed of having the company, manage and improve it. He practically grew up having that dream."