If I have Nothing (Absinthe Series 5)

Kabanata 22

Kabanata 22

If I Have Nothing

If there is one thing that I wanted to ask him after this mind shattering kiss, that would be 'why would he kiss me?' and 'why kiss me again?'

Hindi ba't galit siya sa akin? Hindi ba dapat ay pinagsasabihan niya ako? Bakit hinalikan niya ako ulit? And what was too soon? What does he mean by that?

Sinubukan kong igalaw ang aking mga labi ngunit tila napako lamang iyon ng kaniya. My fingers trembled in his shirt as I struggled to think. Bumuka ang aking mga labi ngunit bago ko pa masunod ang kaniyang ritmo ay siya mismo ang lumayo.

Hingal ako mula sa malalim niyang halik na hindi ko magantihan. Ang mahigpit na pangungunyapit ko sa kaniyang t-shirt ay unti-unting lumuluwag. Gusto kong lumayo sa kaniya dahil kakaiba ang init na bumabalot sa aming dalawa. I stared at him, trying to read what was going on in his mind.

"R-rhett, g-galit ka ba talaga sa akin?" I asked him in a soft voice. I didn't want to sound that I was strong because clearly, all those walls that I've built—trying to come out strong in front of him, were now crumpled into pieces.

"You're really asking me that, Syden Amaryllis?" matigas ang pagkakatanong niya. Nagbaba ako ng tingin at nanulis ang labi. Now, I was aware of our position. Nakahawak siya sa aking baywang habang ang aking magkaparteng binti ay nasa gilid ng kaniyang hita. Ang kamay ko ay nasa kaniyang tiyang bahagi.

My cheeks heated. Unti-unti kong inalis ang aking kamay sa kaniyang tiyan. His abdomen was hard, I might say.

Kinagat ko ang aking labi at ipinirmi ang kamay sa aking gilid. Napansin niya iyon kaya kinuha niya ang aking mga kamay at ibinalik iyon sa ibabaw ng kaniyang tiyan. My fingers fidgeted.

"I'm sorry. Hindi ko talaga alam na magagalit ka. I just want to watch you upfront." Nanliit ang aking boses.

He shifted making me also move.  Humigpit ang hawak niya sa aking baywang kaya mas lalo kong inangat ang tingin sa kaniya. His cold eyes softened a bit but it grew with intensity. Hindi na iyon malamig, pero may nahihinuha akong init na nagmumula sa kaniyang titig.

"B-bakit mo ako hinalikan? K-kung galit ka n-naman sa akin?"

"Do you think I'd be more angry if I see you crying? Hindi ko sinabing umiyak ka, pinagsasabihan lang kita kanina."

"You just shouted in front of me while your band mates are there. Pakiramdam ko ay napahiya mo ako kaya ako napaiyak."

He sighed. "I thought you're stronger now. I thought you're immune to me. Why can't you be strong for yourself?"

"I am strong," giit ko. It's just that when it comes to him, I can be that candle who's wax is slowly melting because of the flame. He was that cold flame.

"You are but not to me." Hinawi niya ang buhok na nakaharang sa aking pisngi. Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa. Once more, my lips quivered at the thought that maybe he likes me. The way his intense eyes lingered on mine, I can't help but give it a meaning.

I am strong. I am courageous. I should not be a coward in front of him now.

"I like you,Rhett." I whispered to him. His eyes flickered with intensity. Mas lalong lumalim ang pagkakatingin niya sa akin. His lips tugged in for a smirk.

"Really now, flower? Just a kiss and you like me?"

"No!" umalma ako, namumula sa kaniyang sinabi.

"Why do you like me, then? Is it because I was cold, it turns you on? Or maybe it was the soft side that I was able to show you. Which is which, huh?" There was taunting in his voice. Even the way his eyes played in such manner is something that myself should be embarrassed about.