Finding my way back home...

Chapter 10

Yesterday was a nice day, I thought smiling but my pager went crazy and it's my patient remember the lovely lady that threw up on me Natasha yes she's here and it doesn't look good ...sadly her pregnancy is high risk but she insisted her son is a miracle who deserves to live.

I rushed to the theater,...Zoe gave birth so she won't be here for 4 months long 4 months without my friend but at least Mike is here... I ran to theater and prepped her for a cesarean she begged me if I had to choose between them to choose her son Jeremiah she said

"Please name him Jeremiah, and choose him to save him I've lived and he deserves to live too if I had to do it again I'd take the risk for him again"

she said and as I opened her up managed to carefully remove Jeremiah ... she lost a lot of blood sadly nothing was helping she was passing out a lot, and when Mike came in to take Jeremiah and brought him to her she opened her eyes and a tear fell down as she kissed him and told him she loves him and always will... when Mike left she smiled and said
"don't feel bad you won't save me but please make sure my son is well-taken care off"
I ignored her trying to stop the bleeding after an excruciating 1 hour I couldn't stop the blood clots forming in her lungs and her heart stopped we tried to bring her back but it was useless ...

"Time of death 12:35" took out the mask and threw it on the bin and left blood on my scrubs and on my hand gloves, I ran to the roof that pain started again my mom, Jason, Natasha why does it have to be so hard ... Mike came in and took off the gloves and bloody stuff on me and just held me as I cried ... I know I should be strong but I can't get used to losing my patients yes I  have saved many more lives but losing 1 is like a punch in the gut I'm still not God I keep telling myself that ...

"Please take me to Jeremiah"

we left and went to the baby rooms, there he was sucking his thumb he was so perfect, a little birthmark on his skin to show he's Natashas she had the exact same birthmark I honestly found it amazing... I held him and fed him, burping him and when he was sleeping I carefully put him back in his crib and left for my office ...

I had to find Natashas family she didn't write the father's name so that was a dead-end, it's moments like these I hate absent fathers like mine, who abandons a part of them like they mean nothing .... what did they need in life to make them heartless? I hated thinking about how when I was 16 we were making family trees and I didn't know about my dad so I searched for him ....found him only to be turned down by him more than 19 times my mom warned me I should have listened and even though I needed closure it hurts that he honestly didn't want me he's last text read...

I have moved on and have a family I thought your mom aborted you because that's what we agreed on... please don't contact me again you are causing problems in my marriage.....

That message broke me I cried but couldn't tell my mom, I did all this behind her back and when she found out she was ready to shoot him at first I wanted her to do it but told her I thought I needed him after our project but later realized my mom's love was enough for me.

She was an amazing mom, she told me he wanted her to abort but she would have never done that she loved me ... even though she grew up with her mom and dad it was hard for her to adjust to raising a daughter who's being rejected by her father she was scared that I'd resent her she cried telling me this story I needed those moments with her, she was tough but she always said I was her weakness and strength so she did all that for me...

I appreciate her love I really did .... so Jeremiah deserves more too, I was 25 when I lost my mom it was hard now he's a newborn he knows nothing I can't imagine what's going to happen but I'll make sure he gets the best ... after going through files for hours around 12 pm I finally called Natashas twin sister who was delighted to hear from me ...she got married and moved away that's why they stopped being so close she explained how hard it was being away from her twin...

She came in the morning and I told her everything she cried and a few days later came to fetch Jeremiah I did a background check on her she's clean and told me she can't have kids and she's married so he's their miracle, her husband came with her and sometimes just sometimes okay most times things work out perfectly when everything just fits... Natasha had to pass on for her sister to be blessed it sounds harsh but that's the light at the end of the tunnel...