Finding my way back home...

Chapter 16

"Mommy" I hugged my mom and she smiled at me and disappeared ...

My eyes felt heavy ...but slowly I opened them and I realized I was attached to too many machines by the looks of things I was in a bad accident ... tried to lift my hands it was attached to an IV ...my hands were bruised  I had a cast on my right hand my poor manicure ...am I really thinking about my nails now... I tried to move but the pain stopped me...

I tried to move again but the pain stopped me so I lied still, I moved around but that neck brace stopped me from the corner of my eyes I saw aunty Grace and Zo... I'm really seeing things she came closer with Zoe they were crying...

"Aunty Grace," I said in a small voice and "Zoe" they smiled at me

" if you ever scare us like this again we will kill you"

I smiled and said "too soon guys", then aunty went outside to talk to the nurse...

"What happened"? I tried to ask Zoe

"You got hit by a truck, and we nearly lost you you stopped breathing twice"

with tears falling down her eyes

" twice Megan"

"I thought...I thought" she couldn't speak because she kept crying ... broke my heart to see her like that ...

"I'm sorry Zo"

"This is the part you tell me you told me so, you warned me not to go after Mike you warned me about him .... didn't listen I'm so so sorry zo, I went to talk to him and explain things" ....tears flooding my face...

"I'm sorry"

that's all I could say she squeezed my hands and said

"Learning to swim in the waves feels like you're drowning at first and you loved him there's nothing wrong with following your heart, at least you put yourself out there he's the idiot here not you sure he was married and I didn't like that but I won't say I told you so we nearly lost you...I love you Megan "

I smiled she brought me soup, sat me up, and fed me a bit ...I felt like a child I wanted to laugh but I couldn't the pain stopped me...

"You should have been a chef I said" smiling she fed me till I was okay ... the doctor came in and asked if he could talk to me alone but I said he can talk Zoe is my sister he looked at me like I'm crazy....yes I'm high on morphine but Zoe is my sister ...

"You're going to need physical therapy so you learn how to walk properly with that broken Femur, you suffered a concussion, 3 broken ribs and that wrist needs to be taken care of... " he continued "your neck wasn't badly hurt but you just need that brace for today ......he had a look I couldn't understand then he said "and I'm so sorry ....I'm sorry but we couldn't save your baby we tried everything but the impact of the hit was too much for her" and he looked at me .....

"I'm sorry again" then he left ...

What did he just say? Me what her ....what? Can someone explain that in plain simple English because now I swear he just spoke Chinese... I sat there not knowing what to say and he left ...

Zoe held me tight and told me I'll be okay how is she supposed to know she's never had a miscarriage... I had a baby grow inside me a full baby and couldn't even save my baby now she's gone and I'll never know what she looks like " she was cremated"

"You saw her...you were here?"

"I was called to help so I did what I knew was best for you I'm so sorry megz" she held me tight and I held her tight at least she was there...

"Sam and I lost our first too"

"Zo what"

"Yes when we were in university, the doctors said I couldn't have more kids, that's why I've always wanted to prove science can't be right having a baby isn't impossible" she hugged me tightly and I thanked her...

After our emotional moment she left me alone aunt Grace said she will come to see me tomorrow she just looks soo sad I understand why she's avoiding me and I'm happy she's here right now I'm not sure I want to be here yes I want to run again to the first place I ran from...... I felt like I deserved this but my baby didn't ... I'm tired of crying the pain I felt was as deep as losing my mom...

Why am I even in my hospital?..oh I forgot it's a small town so we have only one main hospital now I'm gonna give them something to talk about... I was ashamed, ashamed of what people will say, and how I deserved it because I didn't respect someone's husband ...

I cried a lot my hair must be a mess I wanted to get up but the pain from the dilation and curettage /the broken leg was too much I sat back and called for a nurse and Mrs. Luisa came in she's old and she avoided me a lot got her job done and always left, she's one of the people that spoke about how bad it was that I continued being with Mike knowing he's married I wasn't proud of my decision ... I'm not perfect it's no excuse yes ...

I asked for my bag and she gave it to me  I don't even know what I was looking for I checked my purse and it was there, my phone had a broken screen must be from the accident, honestly, I wanted to see if Mike checked up on me but there was no missed call no texts I've been out for 3 days and still nothing why didn't someone tell me Mike never loved me... I sighed and put it next to me and I thanked her and asked for more pain meds which she gave me and as soon as I felt my blood getting cold from the IV I fell into a deep sleep...

I woke up and wanted to go bath which they refused and started helping me for people who gossiped about me they were helpful, rolling my eyes and waited for Zoe and Grace I mean Aunty Grace ... they came and we talked I apologized for not seeing her and she said she will smack me when I'm healed and she's not joking...

We spoke about everything and I told her about my baby and she hugged me her hugs were the kind of hugs which healed you why didn't I go see her sooner, she begged me to go back home with her and I didn't even fight it was time, Zoe worked her magic and I managed to get 6 months to leave to heal I wonder how she did it ...I needed 5 years though rolling my eyes at that thought

A few days later I was discharged and told my aunt I'll see her in the car...

I had the walk of shame everyone talked about me I limped so it took longer to get to the exit I needed the exercise to avoid having blood clots from the surgery and my physiotherapist gave me tips on how to walk without putting too much pressure on my leg plus I used crutches....they pointed at me and some even looked sorry for me they must have heard about the baby because of the information in my file FUCK ....Zoe had an emergency so she left maybe she was avoiding this she knows I was wrong but it was still hard for her to see me in so much pain, I know they wouldn't be looking at me if she was here I smiled...

Saw someone that looked like Mike pass and I didn't even turn to look I walked directly to the exit my aunt parked the car right next to it so I got in the car and she drove us home...