After I Met You

7

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚂𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚗

I'M NOT SURE what time it is, all I know is that daddy hasn't come in yet. He always comes in to see me after mommy puts me to bed. Sometimes I have to put myself to bed. Sometimes I don't know where mommy is.

I don't have a tv in here like we do downstairs. It's dark and I can't hear anything. I don't like how quiet it is.

The stairs start to creak, and that's when I know daddy is coming to say goodnight to me. I don't know why I'm scared for daddy to come and see me. Our special time isn't always fun for me. He says it will get better, but sometimes it hurts.

"Hey, pumpkin."

My daddy closes the door and comes over to sit beside me on the bed. He can tell I'm scared because he brushes my hair behind my ear and smiles down at me. "Don't be afraid, sweetheart. Daddy wouldn't do anything to hurt you, right?"

I nod as he pulls the comforter down and looks over me.

"Daddy loves our special time. You know that, right?"

I nod again.

"Daddy would be very sad if you told anyone about this because then our special time would have to come to an end. You don't want to lose special time with daddy, do you?"

This time I shake my head no. I don't think I want this to end. My mommy and daddy don't talk to me a lot. I love being able to talk to daddy.

He trails his fingers up my leg, and I close my eyes tight, hoping that this is the time that it will finally get better.

༺═──────────────═༻

I shoot up in bed, my heart slamming and the tears coming out of my eyes immediately. It's pitch black in here, no sound on whatsoever. I don't know why my laptop stopped playing music.

I frantically turn on the light and notice Amelia isn't here. She must have spent the night with Dion.

I can't get his face out of my head. I can't get those nights out of my fucking head.

The charger got disconnected from my laptop, so that explains why the music stopped. I never sleep in silence. I can't for this exact reason.

The sobs are coming out of me uncontrollably, and even though I know he's not here, my body is still trying to play catch up. I'm so terrified that he will come through that door at any given second. I fucking hate being alone.

Standing up from the bed, I change into a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt and throw on my dirty black crocs before I begin to head outside. I need to clear my head. Walks are the only thing that ever seems to help. Well, prior to meeting Xavier that is.

It's so stupid that I still get so scared. I know my father is in prison. He has been since I was five years old. Yet, after those nightmares it's like I'm just waiting for him to burst through that door and do it to me all over again.

The only person that has ever been able to calm me down is Xavier. Maybe because aside from my group he's the only person that knows, but still. I crave his arms right now. I want so badly to hug him tight. In his arms I didn't have fears. In his arms I knew he wouldn't hurt me. Now I have nothing except this walk to try to forget it.

I could just go over there and show up. Would he care? Would he let me in? I don't know. The only thing I do know is that his mental health matters a hell of a lot more than mine does right now. I'm not going to do anything to fuck that up. I need to stay away.