After I Met You

31

I've never been to a funeral before. I relied on Xavier to weigh in on my outfit decision, and as I stand here in a black knee-length pencil dress with black tights, I suddenly feel foolish. It's so cold outside. I wanted to look presentable for Logan's parents, but I'm shivering from head to toe, my arms attempting to wrap around myself from the cold.

"Here, baby." Xavier comes up from behind me and places his coat jacket from his suit over my shoulders. The smell of mint floods my nose. The smell of him.

As the pastor is explaining how good of a person Logan was, I try to hold back an eye roll. Logan would have hated this. All of these heaps of different colored flowers around the small tent that his casket is sitting beneath, all of the people crying, the pastor stating facts that he only knows because of his parents. Logan didn't attend church, so the pastor couldn't have known him personally. The whole thing is everything Logan hated wrapped up into one.

"Thank you." I finally am able to whisper back, wrapping his jacket tighter around me.

I debated at first as to whether or not to invite Xavier in the first place in fear of what Logan's parents would think, but Logan and I never dated. His parents know that. I needed Xavier with me today. It's taken all I have not to cry, but I know Logan wouldn't have wanted that. I cried enough already. Now I need to pay my respects to him, and I know he'd much rather me smile and laugh about him than cry.

The final viewing of Logan commences, and one by one everyone files into a line. His parents are the first ones, and it seems as if they've been preparing for this moment their entire lives. His mother just dabs at her eyes with some tissue as his father holds her close to his side.

We inch further in line, a breeze thundering through the graveyard. I shiver again before Xavier wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me against his chest from behind. The warmth of him feels amazing.

"I love you." He whispers into my ear. "I know this will be hard, but I've got you, okay?"

I nod and give a squeeze onto his hands when I pull away from him and step into the tent.

Logan looks like he did the last day I saw him, but he's dressed up in a suit. Something he also would have hated. His skin is pale, his eyes seeming hollow with a slight purplish tint. I wasn't expecting to cry anymore, but seeing his lifeless body in the casket is just too much to bear. He's going to be gone forever. It's official. I no longer have him in my life.

Wiping away a tear, I reach into my purse and take out a small pack of sour patch kids, placing it gently inside of the casket. I know he'll appreciate this if he's watching me right now.

There are other people waiting behind us in line, so I take one final look at him and keep moving to head back outside into the cold air. My tears have already seemed to freeze on my cheeks.

"You okay?" Xavier asks. He comes to stand in front of me to analyze my face, brushing a strand of hair behind my ear.

Before I'm able to respond, I see his mother heading in my direction. My stomach drops at the sight of her. Even her walk is intimidating. Her blonde hair is in a neat bob, straightened to perfection, and she's wearing a similar dress to mine except she was smart enough to wear a peacoat on top.

"Elena." She nods when she reaches the two of us, eyeing Xavier in disapproval. I feel him stiffen beside me.

"I, uh, have the check." I blurt out nervously and start rummaging in my purse. "I never intended to keep it, I was never going to cash it. I never knew that Logan was planning on giving me such a large amount of-"