After I Met You

25

I can't seem to wipe the smile off of my face when I sit across from Loretta in the big, leather chair. I've had an extra pep in my step the entire day, and that's more than likely to do with Xavier. Everything just seems to be going so well, and I honestly haven't been this happy in I don't know how long.

"You seem happy." Loretta notes as she scans over me. "That's good."

"I am." I nod. "Very happy."

"Any special reason why?"

She knows that Xavier and I have been talking. She knows that we're back to having sex, so it's not rocket science to piece two and two together as to why I'm so happy.

"Things with Xav are just..." I trail off and bite my lip. "Terrifyingly good."

"Terrifyingly?" She asks.

"Yeah. Like, they're going too good. You know? I don't like it. It seems weird."

She scribbles down onto her notebook, and whenever she does this I know she's going to give me some sort of life lesson about myself. I'd love to look at her notes one of these days.

"So, you think that being happy is weird? You don't think you deserve to be happy?"

"Well...no," I trail off, trying to think of what I want to say. "It's just, things were like this between Xavier and I before things went to shit." I pause before I look at her. "Sorry for my language."

She waves her hand and gives me a smile. "It's okay. I've heard much worse. But Elena, do you ever wonder what it would be like to just live in the happiness? To enjoy it fully without having all of this anxiety?"

I laugh out loud, causing her to raise her eyebrows at me. "Is that even possible?" I ask. "Because if it is, I'd love to be able to do that."

"It's more of a mind barrier than anything. It's your way of thinking, Elena. You need to try to change your perspective on life. Instead of thinking that something is going to go wrong, why not think of all of the things that could go right?"

I can't help but think of the conversation with Logan when he lost control of himself in the car. He kept saying I had a horrible perspective on life. Is this truly how people view me? Maybe I really am a negative person.

"Where do you wish things would go with Xavier?" She asks. "Let's start there."

I let my mind wander to my potential future, trying to envision what I'd want for it to be like.

"Um..." I trail off, a small smile forming on my face. "I guess married." I nod, picturing him at the end of an aisle at some sappy venue in a tux looking handsome beyond belief. "Yeah, married."

She smiles too and scribbles down more into her notebook. "Anything else?" She asks.

I think about my future and suddenly realize there isn't a piece I'm thinking about without him in it. When I buy my first house, I want it to be with him. When I get married, I want it to be to him. When I have my first kid, I want it to be his.

"I want everything with him." I nod, blinking away tears. I refuse to get emotional in front of her. "My perfect future involves him. Every piece of it."

She nods and scribbles more down onto the notebook. "I think this is what you need to think of whenever you start to have those doubts, Elena. Not everything is going to be like your past. I know what you experienced was extremely traumatic, and nobody deserved to go through what you did, but you need to realize that you can have a happy future if you allow it. I think if you just tried to open up more about your past to talk through it then we would really have a break through here."