After I Met You

20

"So, how have the exercises been going?" Loretta asks while jotting down notes into her huge, leather notebook. I swear she looks at me maybe five times during each session. The rest of the time she just writes.

"Way harder than expected." I admit.

"Have you been able to finish it?"

"Um..." I trail off, thinking about the other morning in Xavier's room. "Sort of? I mean, I tried to do it, but then I couldn't... and then, Xavier kind of helped..."

"Ah." She smiles, and it shocks me. Loretta doesn't normally show any type of positivity. She's always serious and looks like she wants to go home, so I assume she must be fond of him. "And how did that feel?"

"Really good." I curse myself for blushing and bite onto my bottom lip. "He's really sweet sometimes. It's like, I feel so good about myself whenever I'm around him, but then I get scared because I feel like I'm going to go and have sex with someone again and break his heart. I just wish I had self-control."

She glances up from the notebook finally and clicks her pen back to stop writing. "Let me ask you something," she says, adjusting her glasses. "When Xavier first got back from rehab and was playing with your head like you said, did you run to someone else?"

I shake my head.

"When you kissed Logan, did you go all the way or did you stop yourself?"

"I mean, I stopped myself, but..."

"But nothing." She smiles again. "Elena, you don't give yourself enough credit. This time last year would you have been able to stop yourself? Could you honestly say that?"

Before I'm able to respond, she continues.

"I understand that you're fearful for continuing forward with this relationship given the history, but to say you're not moving forward just isn't plausible. You had someone there that would have slept with you. Like you said, Logan proclaimed his feelings. He tried multiple times, and you still didn't give in. Why do you think that is?"

"Because I'm in love with Xavier." I state, feeling good that I've finally said it out loud to someone. "I've always been in love with him, but I hurt him so badly last year. I'm terrified that it'll happen again."

"And that's understandable, Elena. By no means am I saying to rush into this, because right now your mental health is the most important thing, but I'm saying if you think back to last year, you can't tell me that you haven't made progress. You say all the time that you haven't, but I think you have."

I stare at her as the alarm goes off, ending our session for the day. There's nothing I can reply because in some ways I know she's right. I guess that in some ways I have improved. I mean, I didn't sleep with Logan when I definitely could have. Speaking of Logan, he hasn't freaking replied to any of my messages. He really must have cut me off.

"Thank you." I tell her, lingering by the doorway for a moment. "This session really helped today."

"Hey." Xavier smirks when I open up the door. I don't even get a chance to respond before he pulls me into the hallway against his chest, the leather from his jacket immediately warming me up. Why does he have to smell so good?

"Hi." I grin, playing with the ends of his hair. "What are these plans you have that required me to get ready?"

"You'll see." He kisses me quickly but ends up lingering there longer than he should, moaning into me as his hands find their way to my backside. "Okay, okay." He chuckles and pulls away. "Come on, before we get carried away."