After I Met You

18

In the morning the sun seeps through the window, causing it to practically blind me through my eyelids. I let out a groan and stir next to Xavier, slowly blinking my eyes open to see him fast asleep. His mouth is partly hung open, his arm draped around my waist.

I don't regret anything we did last night. I know that I wanted it, I just don't know if it was the right time. Where do we go from here? Are we friends with benefits now? Is that really what I want to be? I know he would prefer us to be more, but I refuse to hurt him like I did before. Sleeping with him just made him that much more attached to me again.

Fuck. Why do I always do this?

I remove his hand from my waist and decide to take a shower in his bathroom. I already know where everything is, so I step in and let the hot water cascade down my back. I love the fact that he still kept my shampoo and conditioner in here. It's like he's always been waiting for me to come back.

After I'm done, I brush my hair and go to get a change of clothes from Xavier's dresser. I catch a glimpse of myself in his mirror though, my body completely naked.

I turn to face the mirror and run my hands over my stomach, wishing I could be thinner. My body is shaped like a coke bottle, and although some girls want this body type I wish I were tiny and cute. Sabrina is tiny and cute.

I am....

I clench my fists at my sides and fight back tears because yet again, I can't think of a damn thing.

Why is this so hard? Why can't I think of something good about myself? It shouldn't be this freaking difficult.

"You're beautiful." Xavier mumbles.

I jump from the sound of his voice, quickly turning to look at him. After wiping away a few tears, he notices I'm crying and sits up in bed.

He walks over to me and moves my wet hair to one side, placing a gentle kiss to my neck. "You're one of the funniest people I've ever met." He says and looks at me through the reflection of the mirror. "And you're caring, right?" He asks. I shrug, but he just rolls his eyes. "You're always putting everyone first even though you think you don't."

He's making tears fall onto my cheeks. I hate the fact that he makes me so emotional, but times like this makes me realize why he's my best friend. It's why I can't seem to pull myself away from him.

"You're smart..." he kisses my neck again. "You're patient..." another kiss. "And... best for last... you're so strong, Elena. There's nobody I know that's stronger than you."

Letting out a sigh, I turn my head to kiss his cheek.

"That's five, right?" He asks.

"How'd you know that's what I was doing?"

"Because I had to do the same thing. It's harder than it looks, right?"

"Definitely. It sucks."

He steps away from me and grabs a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt from the dresser before he passes them over to me. "There's so many good things about you, Elena. You'll realize it at some point if it's the last thing I do."

"I lo-" I stop myself, my cheeks going crimson.

"What was that?" He places his hand jokingly against his ear. "You what?"

"Shut up." I tease, sliding his sweatshirt over my body.

"It sounded like you were going to say you... love me? Is that what friends say to each other, Elena?"

"Xavier." I groan and fix the waistband of his sweatpants on me, jumping out of his grasp when he lunges for me. He catches the sleeve of his sweatshirt on me though and pulls me into him, quickly pressing his lips against mine.