Ain't No Sharing You

I Almost Let Go

I woke up in the hospital to see Justyce sleeping a couch under the window. I was irritated because waking up was not part of the plan. I couldn't even kill myself correctly. Once it was known that I was awake the doctor came in and explained that I basically didn't take enough pills to do any damage. They wanted to keep me for a forty eight hour psych hold, but somehow Jus and Daniel convinced them that I could be released under their care.

I stayed cooped up in that room for days. Even though I didn't want them to Jus and D took turns "watching" me. On the fourth day something inside of me just clicked and I decided that I was done moping. I got up, ran a bath and relaxed. I played my Smokie Norful Pandora station to help ease my mind. I heard a song that I hadn't heard in years.

I almost let go
I felt like I just couldn't take life anymore
My problems had me bound
Depression weighed me down

I tried to fight the tears that were coming, but they fell against my will. For so long all of those things weighed me down. Then I went and added more weight on my shoulders. Who was I to decide to play God with my life?

God held me close
so I wouldn't let go
God's mercy kept me
so I wouldn't let go

As much as I thought I deserved to die it wasn't my time. I was tired of being hurt, but what hurt the most is that I allowed the hurt. General, Brandon, any of them could've easily taken me out, but God didn't allow it. As the song continued to play I broke down. The only person I didn't talk to about this was God. I kept telling Him my problems, but I never asked for a solution.

I managed to get out of the tub and get dressed. I started to pray to God, releasing all of my burdens and cares. In the midst of my prayer I ended up on the side of the bed on my knees. While I was pouring my heart out to God I felt the bed dip with another presence. I never stopped praying, that was a moment I needed to have.

"...In Jesus name I pray. Amen."

"Amen." Jus said and hugged me. "Amen."

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It's short, but there's another update coming.

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