Death by Sea (Pernico fanfic)

Chapter 6: I still love you, idiot

Nico's POV

I walked into Hazel's Cohort and sighed softly, trying not to remember what just happened. Percy shouldn't be here, and I want to make sure he doesn't get close to me because my feelings that I tried to abandon so hard are coming back. They've always been there, but like a sleeping lion, never in action until Will and I broke up. He told me he still cared for me, he didn't understand. I told him it wasn't because of him. 
That stupid "It's not you, it's me" line. However, it's the truth I guess. I'm not someone of the light should be around, I'm not someone the ocean should be around, terrible ideas could only come of the ocean and death becoming close. Drowning, you can die by the sea you know. Probably why Percy has been so successful, the ocean is powerful.

I sat down on a cot and looked out at the window. It was too bright in here, I hated it. However, I disliked the dark of my cabin too, I'm not sure anymore. Maybe I just need blinds instead of curtains in that cabin at CHB.
"Nico! What the Hades was that?" Hazel yelled at me upon arrival.
"Sorry," I say simply.
"You looked..." she trailed, almost afraid for herself.
"Scary, I know."
"No, worse than that," Hazel said softly. "You looked... ready to kill."
"I don't want to hurt him, Hazel," I say softly.
"What what the heck was that?" Hazel demanded. "He's in the infirmary and if Annabeth wasn't too busy crying in the waiting room she would be here kicking your as-"

"What, my ass?" I smirked. "Don't say that, baby girl. I don't like it when you swear."
"Nico, apologize, make him better, something!" Hazel yelled. "Anything!"

"Don't you get it?!" I yelled back, suddenly standing and turning to my sister. "I love him! I still love him and I can't handle him being so close. I made a mistake trying to kill him, trying to repel him. I should just be the one to die, I understand, okay?!"

"That's not what we want!" Hazel retorted quickly. "We just want everyone safe and healthy and happy-"
"Not going to happen as long as Annabitch is there," I snap.
"Annabitch?" Hazel raised an eyebrow.

"Read it in a story on Wattpad, carry on," I teased.
"Look, Nico..." Hazel sighed. "Don't worry about it, don't kill anyone. Just make Percy better!"
"I can't do that."

"If you love him then you will," a voice hissed in the doorway. Annabeth was hunched over in the doorway and my face was drained of color. "If you love him like you claim you still do you will make him better and then go die, son of Hades. You don't deserve him!"
"Annabeth!" Hazel yelled. I glared at Annabeth, the shadows in the cohort suddenly looming over Annabeth and me. Annabeth looked up in fear and raised her hands up as the shadows crashed down on her. The temperature dropped drastically and Hazel managed to pull Annabeth out of the mess of Shadows.

"What the Hades, Nico?!" Hazel yelled again.
"Sorry," I say simply. Hazel looks at Annabeth who is weak again. I walk out of the cohort, I'll make Percy better, the shadows are just in his head. Nothing drastically major I suppose, just nightmares, they amplify your worse memories. I've had worse.

****

I walked into the hospital and saw Percy on the bed, pale, cold, and shaking. I felt bad, but the Shadow in me jerked me forward. I have been living with this Shadow for a couple months now. It controls me from the inside out. I had been getting better at controlling it, but somehow it's escaped my grasp. The last time I managed to get it all under control, I couldn't get out of bed for a couple days and people were worried about me.

"Jackson," I say. His back arched and his mouth twisted.
"Nico!" Frank looked up from another patient. He helped out here twice a week, he was trying to stay humble despite the fact that he was a Centurion.
"Frank."