After All

33

I cooked his favorite chicken adobo for dinner and prepared fruits for Leon. "Kumain ka lang dyan. Ako ng bahala kay Leon." sabi ko sa kanya habang sinusubuan ko si Leon.

"Seryoso ka talagang aalagaan mo siya?" tanong niya sa akin habang kumakain.

"Oo. Naka annual leave kasi ako. Every year, naka leave ako-" he cut me off.

"Like last year? Bakit hindi ka nag travel this time?" he looked at me.

Natigilan ako sa tanong niya, this time last year hinanap ko siya sa Australia. "What do you mean?" I asked him.

"You were in Queensland this time last year. Nakita kita apartment ko at sa airport." he took a sip from his glass of water.

"You were there? Bakit hindi mo ako hinarap? Bakit kailangan sabihin sakin ng land lady mo na wala ka doon?" I bit my lower lip.

"Dahil wala naman talaga ako doon. That day I saw you, I just arrived galing akong New Zealand. Nasa cab ako nung kausap mo land lady ko, hindi ako bumaba kasi alam ko na ako ang hinahanap mo. The day that I saw you sa airport, sinundo ko sila Mommy. I never opened any of my social media accounts simula noong maghiwalay tayo. I know that you were there because of me." ipinatong niya ang elbow niya sa table habang nakapatong sa kamay niya ang chin niya.

"Paul, bakit hindi mo ako hinarap? Ilang beses kitang pinuntahan sa Australia. Last year, few months ago, not just twice. I wanted to see you. I wanted to talk to you." I held Leon's hand and looked at him.

"Siguro dahil hindi pa ako ready. Maybe because hindi pa kita napapatawad noon. I'm still in pain." he gave me a bittersweet smile. "Months after we broke up, Leon came into my life. I was so hesitant to adopt him, but he made me feel different. Siguro dahil gusto ko na rin talagang mag settle down noon bago tayo maghiwalay. I wanted to have a kid with you. Everytime we make love, I was wondering why can't we have a child."

Kinuha ko si Leon para bihisan ng damit at linisin, "Follow me. Let's talk in your room. Bihisan ko si Leon." I stood up and he followed me and Leon. He leaned on his door habang nasa kama ako binibihisan at nililinis si Leon.

"You should've told me that you want to. Paul, matagal ko ng sinabi sayo. I want to have a family with you." I told him.

"Yung nagsama tayo ng hindi tayo kasal, mali na 'yon. Pero yung magka anak tayo ng hindi kita pinakakasalan, mas lalong mali 'yun. Siguro kaya rin hindi ibinigay sa atin yung batang matagal na nating gusto, dahil hindi pa kita pwede pakasalan noon." he told me.

"You left me. I wanted to marry you that night or the next day but you left. Pinaalis mo ako sa condo mo, lumipad ka, iniwan mo phone mo, nag inactive ka sa social media, hindi ko alam kung saan kita hahanapin noon. Halos mabaliw ako araw araw kakahintay sayo kung babalik ka pa ba. Paul, iniwan mo ako." hindi ko na napigilan na tumulo ang luha ko.

"Dahil 'yun ang tama nung panahon na 'yun, Lia. Wala akong choice kung hindi ang iwanan ka, dahil kung hindi kita iniwan mapapanindigan mo ba ang sarili mo?" he handed me the bottle of Leon and sat at the edge of his bed. "Leon happened when I left you. And siya lang yung naging tama sa buhay ko nung mga panahong durog na durog ako." lumabas na siya ng kwarto at iniwan kami ni Leon.

Pinatutulog ko muna si Leon habang si Paul while he's in the living room doing some works. I sat on the couch in front of him to continue our conversation. "I wanted to explain to you all this time, pero never akong nagka chance makita ka. Si Peter, mommy mo, sila Dom, lagi ko sila hinahanap. Mukha na akong stalker sa Medical City at Ateneo mahintay lang mommy at kapatid mo."