𝙈𝙞𝙨𝙨 𝙆𝙞𝙩𝙨𝙪𝙣𝙚 -𝘼𝙣 𝙄𝙨𝙚𝙠𝙖𝙞 𝙁𝙖𝙣𝙛𝙞𝙘-

I Won't Say I'm in Love, Yet

"Tanaka? Can we talk?" Shigure is right outside of Sobo's apartment as I'm leaving for school.

"It depends on what you want to talk about." I bite my lip, and start marching to school. At least it's him, and not Hatori.

"About, Keruno, and Akito. And last night." He says.

I pause in my tracks. Of course she told him. Besides, Keruno, Shigure is the closet to her. "What did she tell you?"

He knows the other side to the story. Maybe not why I did the things I did. But he knows that my intent has been on breaking the curse. 

"Everything. And that's why I came to talk to you." He follows me.

"Talk about what? You have to be a lot more clear, a lot went down yesterday." I don't want to cry in front of another person again.

"Let's begin with Hatori. I know there's something going on between the two of you. And that's why you where so hurt yesterday by his words. If I had said that, or if Ayame had said that, you would have been angry, not embarrassed. And you wouldn't have reacted like you did." He runs up to catch up to me.

"Why do you care about my relationship with Hatori?" I snap. 

"I just want to help."

"I kissed him, once. That's all that happened. And I thought he liked me, and I liked him. And then, he, he, I don't even understand it." I shake my head.

"I'm sorry to hear that. I need to tell you something though, about him. Which, can be a complete justifier for what he did, but might help ease the pain." He tells me.

"And what's that?" Walk, quicker, faster. Run. Run if you have to. I don't want to ease the pain, I want to simply accept the fact that he didn't like me as much as I liked him. Or, I thought I liked him. I really liked Manga him.

"His Father, isn't going to make it past this week." Shigure says. I stop in my tracks. Hatori's parents where never mentioned in the manga. I just figured it wasn't important.

"What?" I look down on the ground. I think about how I felt knowing that any day my mom might have ended her life. It made me feel on edge. And I wasn't even close to my mom.

"His Dad has been battling a heart disease for some time, and he's come to the end of his line. Hatori found out two days ago. I only found out last night. When I got back from the café." He explains.

"Oh. I see."

"But, Tanaka. Don't go back to him so easily. Just because this is happening, doesn't mean he should have taken his frustration out on you. He shouldn't have said those things about you." Shigure argues.

"You say it all the time! All of you do! You always say, Tanaka's a fox! You're always saying that I lie, and cut corners! I'm sick of hearing it, day and night. Watch out for Tanaka, she's a mischievous little fox!" I'm beginning to raise my voice. I was sad last night, but I'm just mad now. I'm sick of hearing it. "HOW DO YOU THINK IT WOULD FEEL IF EVERYONE YOU KNOW, COMPARED YOU TO A LYING, THIVING CREATURE! I JUST WANT TO BE KNOWN FOR SOMETHING!"

"Tanaka, I'm sorry. Alright. I didn't realize it was bothering you so much. And I know how it feels, people always saying, He can't be trusted, he has hidden intentions. You're not the only one who's been compared to a fox." Shigure states. "You said so yourself, that night we had the talk? You remember what you said? You said that being a dog didn't fit me. It was more of a disguise."

I cover my ears. I don't want to hear this. I don't want! 

"You aren't a fox. Not really. You have lied, yes. But so have I. We all lie throughout our life." He removes my hands, and holds them in his. "But you don't just lie. When Akito told me about what happened last night, she said she had never felt so loved. So cared for. You came to her, in the middle of the night, in the rain, to make sure she was doing okay. Because she was losing her grip."

"Shut up! Shut up!" I close my eyes, and attempt to pull away. But his warm hands only hold onto mine. 

"You are kind, and caring. You took Mayuko out, to make up for the whole black out scare. You welcomed Keruno into your Sobo's apartment, when he needed help. You decided to stop the charade, and told Koharu the truth. Maybe it didn't turn out the way you wanted, but you finally said "Enough". You seem to forget, how much good impact you have in people's lives. Think about Hiro. He isn't going to suffer from Akito's wrath. None of the younger ones will have to. Because of you." His voice softens, it becomes like a fire. Warming you up from a cold, miserable winter. From, cold, frozen snow. 

"I know... I've done these things. But.... was I really doing them for someone else's good? Or my own?" I sob.

"Tanaka, there would no reason for you to do all you did. All the actions you did, never would have benefitted you. They have always benefitted others. Because, you aren't a fox. You are a kindhearted, loveable, girl. Who has her mistakes, and who has her flaws. But we all do. It's what makes us human. Not a god, not an animal, a human." 

I'm a human. I'm not a fox. I'm human. I'm me. I'm Tanaka. I don't need to keep doing this. I don't need to be in this tormenting state, of being fine with where I'm at. And then wanting to fix myself. It feels like a scab being pulled open, again and again. Never fully closing. I want to move on.

"I want to move on. I want to stop being in a cycle like this." I whisper. "I want to be free. Of all of this."

Shigure moves extremely close to me, and I'm sure that if he still wasn't cursed, he'd be touching me. He breathes quietly into my hair. "You are free. Freer than you think. I promise." 

The warmth, the fire he has, has leaped into me. And I can feel my heart taking in all in, beating faster. 

He puts his hand on my chin and lifts it up so that I'm looking directly at him. At his eyes. They say you can see into someone's soul, if you are looking really looking into their eyes. And I wouldn't be surprised. All those layers that people say Shigure has, melts away. I see right through all of it. 

"You'll be okay." He smiles. He pats my head and then walks away. "Come on, we're going to be late for school."

I trail along behind him in silence. Trying to wrap my brain around the weird warmth running through me. And the feeling I had when I saw right through all of him. It was nothing like with Hatori. 

But, I won't say I'm in love with him, yet.