swasan... i do... (Completed)

Chap 29- Divorce????

Swara was crying her heart out. She did not know what should she do! Her sanskar was away from her, she only made him away! And now her child too!

It's been two days since the child was aborted. In these two days, not for a single time swara took a step out of her room. Twinkle finally forcefully fed her something. Her emotions were melting twinkle's heart.
Twinkle: mam! I dont know if i am eligible to say this thing to you but you and sanskar sir should sort out your problems.
Swara nodded.
Twinkle: sir loves you so much, i can see in his eyes. Whatever the reason may be, but i am sure if you say, sir will accept your apology.
Swara looked at twinkle.
Twinkle: sometimes in life, it's good to reach out to those who genuinely care. Otherwise only sorrow remains. When he comes back.. talk to him. I know he will understand.
Swara: that is only my problem. My words fell back in my throat. I... i just...
Twinkle: speak up mam. He is your husband. If you ll not share with him then with whom? Just imagine if the situation is reversed and you n sir would have switched places, when you finally got to know that your husband is hiding things, how would you feel? Don't you feel like the biggest loser who couldn't have even earned his wife's trust?
These words casted a spell over swara.
Twinkle: mam i have seen him. He is not happy too. I have seen him skipping meals. I have seen him crying and staring at your photograph. You are not the only one who is suffering. He is suffering too. Please.. not for your but for his sake, solve everything soon.

Twinkle left the room leaving swara in a deep thought. When did she become so selfish? How on earth could she not realise that her silence will hurt sanskar a lot!  Not only swara but sanskar too has been scarred. But he had moved on. Yes definitely her trauma was bigger but was it really bigger than her love for sanskar? The answer was NO!!!!

She took a deep breathe. Today sanskar was returning by evening. She will tell him everything tonight. Swara stood up but felt weak. Abortion happened with a great blood loss. Anyhow she managed to washroom and took a bath. She felt as if water was cleaning up her wounds. After a long time she was feeling relaxed. She came out and looked at herself. There were dark circles again. Her face was dull. But she smiled.

Sanskar's filght landed in kolkata. As soon as he reached the exit his phone ringed. There was an emergency. He immediately turned his cab towards hospital.

Swara was getting herself ready. After a very long time she applied kajal. She combed her hair and made a loose bun. She looked at herself and admired. She was cursing herself that where was this courage gone? She was subconsciously replacing sanskar with sahil. But no... sanskar wae not sahil. He loved her so much. And she does too.

Sanskar managed the emergency. He came out and started moving towards the exit when a nurse blocked his way.
Nurse: sir swara mam's report. She left this after discharge.
Sanskar was confused.
Sanakar: what?
Nurse: yes sir. After her abortion she  forgot these.
Sanskar nodded. But his forehead frowned. Swara had an abortion. How is she? Why did she planned for abortion? It's ok if she was not ready for the child but at least she could have waited. This child was his too. How could she?

Unaware of the real truth, sanskar was extremely angry. His blood was boiling. His face was radiating heat. How could she! How could she!

Sanskar slammed the door of house and shouted" SWARAAAA"
Swara came out of her room happily. She finally thought that she will be able to tell him everything but the picture was different. Sanskar's face was clearly depicting the anger inside him. Before she could reacted sanskar came near her.
Sanskar: what was my fault ha? Why swaraaa
Swara was confused.
Sanskar: you did not want the child.. ok i had no issues. But at least discussion was my right na. At least i should be informed that you... you are aborting my child.
Swara's face became pale. She tried to say something but sanskar shouted again SHUT UP.... JUST SHUT UP SWARA...

Past again flashed in front of her. But anyhow she tried to keep herself sane.
Swara: if... if i had the child.... i.... i would ....
But this was the maximum for swara to speak.
Sanskar: you would... you would not be able to give love to the child you had before na.
And that was the final blow for her. Her courage was shattered again. But sanskar was unaware of everything.
Sanskar: you know what.. i am the unluckiest man on this planet. I loved a girl and she was using me. I again fell in love... she loves me.. i know.. but doesn't even trust me. I love you a lot swara but....
He stood up.
Sanskar: but swara... if you don't trust me enough to tell your problems.. if you don't trust me enough then why are we staying in this marriage swara.

Swara was taken aback for a while.
Sanskar: divorce papers will be ready within a week. You do not have to go anywhere. This hospital will be on your name. This house will be on your name. You stay here and i will be back to our hometown.

Saying so sanskar turned back and moved towards the door. Swara finally realised what sanskar was saying. Divorce... is it really what she heard!
She ran towards sanskar.
Swara: sanskar pleaseee... pleasee listen to me.
Sanskar turned and cupped her face.
Sanskar: i know you love me. But i dont know why i couldn't win your trust swara. You will never be happy with me. This marriage will be null and void. You should find someone on whom you can put your trust fully.
Swara: nooo... please...

She saw sanskar going out in the car. She came back. She came back to her room. She sat on the floor. Is sanskar really gonna divorce her! When light came back to her life and she only kicked that away then what was the point of thinking about darkness. Sahil was right. She was useless freak. That's why her mother left her. That's why nobody loved her.
But sanskar loved her and what she did. She broke him too. His pure love was innocent. But she spoiled everything. God should punish her. But before that she had to reach to god. This world doesn't need her. Sanskar is divorcing her and till she is alive, sanskar will not be able to move on.

She took a paper and started writing.
Sanskar,
I am sorry. Your love is pure and i don't deserve it. I trust you with all my heart. The reason i was not able to tell you was my fear, my traumas. I thought i could recover from those but there is no hope. It's better that i should be away from you otherwise i will spoil your life. But the situation is that i cant imagine my life without you. So i am going to meet my mom in heaven. I am sorry again.
Yours
Swara

She kept the letter on sanskar's table. She took out sleeping pills. She thought of sanskar. His love, his care. Ragini's face flashed in front of her eyes. The way she admired her. Laksh's behaviour too. Her eyes teared up. She was going. She opened the bottle and took out handful of those. She took a deep breathe. She was finally about to end her miserable life.

P.s
Guys i am not supporting suicide. These are the thoughts which generally come across the mind of a depressed patient. Please mind... suicide is not cowardness... depression is a disease. One has to reach out and seek help. In my story, swara is not doing this. The hidden trauma has converted into depression. And she is not reaching out to anyone. She could not speak to sanskar because her trauma can't let her. Don't call her thoughts foolish because that's where we are wrong. This is not her fault that these thoughts are coming in her mind, this is depression which is making her think like this.
Depression is real guys. That's why.. we should stop judging people and try to step in their shoes and try to think their way.
Suicidal thoughts are not in one's control but if these thoughts come across someone's mind, he or she should immediately reach out to loved ones.

Lots of love and positivity to everyone!