Your Hearts Desire

Jag Alskar Dig

MARIE

"I have to explain what you saw, the clown..." I said, putting down my half-eaten burger.

"Yeah..." Alex replied.

I told her everything. I explained how Bill was possessed by the Swedish demon while filming at the haunted location. I told her how he had the same ring I did, and how he also got it from the same older woman at the carnival when it toured to Sweden, and how the woman said his ring would lead him to someone to help him end his suffering.

"...so that's why I feel he's my sign." I explained, "I think I was meant to save him from Pennywise. Except...I don't know how..."

"Fuck, Marie, that's a lot to take in..." Alex said, leaning back. "Does he hurt you in clown form?"

I didn't make eye contact with her but nodded.

I could see Alex's face go red, "I'm killing that fucking clown."

"You can't," I replied. "You can't kill him while Bill is his host. You'll only kill Bill. If we could somehow get the clown out of Bill, and get rid of him that way..."

"Marie, that wasn't the first time I saw Pennywise," Alex suddenly said, throwing me off.

"What do you mean?"

She told me the dream she had, of being in this large space, smelling of sewage and cluttered of old children's toys and clothes, how she was violated by Pennywise, and woke up with bruises on her thighs.

My heart sank, "Oh Alex, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault, putting you in this...."

"Don't ever apologize for that shit," Alex responded, throwing a fry at me.

"Maybe Kylo's right, I am a danger to you," I mumbled.

"Hold up," she stopped, "He said what to you?"

"Kylo thinks it's best if we don't see each other anymore," I confessed. "Because of Pennywise being in control of me. That's why I didn't get along with him. I thought he was a danger to you, trying to take you away from me to another galaxy or whatever. But maybe he's right. I can't let these nightmares happen to you again."

"You're not serious right now," Alex remarked.

I sighed, "I don't know, Alex. I need to protect you, and maybe that means we should stay away from each other."

"Don't say this to me," Alex said. "I can't lose you, Marie. Not again. I was miserable without you."

"Then why are you leaving me to go with him?" I asked, feeling tears forming.

Alex didn't answer, but I could sense the frustration.

"I can't believe he said this to you but not me," she finally said after a while.

"Well, maybe he's right..." I replied, upset.

"I can't let you suffer through that clown on your own, Marie."

"He will kill you if you're close to me, Alex."

She reached out and grabbed my hand. I held it, and we cried together.

****

I bought us a sundae to share to try and cheer her up after we finished our burgers. We went our separate ways from the diner. I cried a little more on the walk home. I didn't like the idea of isolating myself from Alex, but I had to. I loved her enough to break her heart if it meant she'd be safe.

My phone buzzed. I checked it only to find a text.

Bill: Can I come over? I need to see you...