Don't Go

020

I couldn't sleep sound last night. Nasaktan ako at nasasaktan pa rin sa nagawang pagbibintang sa akin ni mommy. All this time she never really knows who I am in order for her to perceive that I can do what she accused me.

Masakit. Oo, napakasakit. Sarili kong ina nagawa akong pagbintangan. I wanted to clean my name. I wanted for her to know the truth. But how? Parang nawawalan na rin naman ako ng pag-asa na papakinggan niya ako.

I just wanted to sleep and stay at home only yet I know I can't afford to give up my current goal. Ito na lang ang sa tingin kong kaya kong maabot. I cannot lose this one too.

"Umiyak ka ba, Ven?" nag-aalalang tanong ni Kit nang maupo ako sa tabi niya. Naramdaman ko ring napatingin si Lay sa amin pero hindi na lang siya nagsalita.

Instead of answering his questions, I chose to shook my head in dismissal. Hindi naman na siya nagtanong pa lalo pa't dumating na rin naman si ma'am Avila.

Still, I managed to pass our every meeting's short quiz today yet I am not contented with it. Sabagay, I'm not in the proper disposition anyway so I guess this a good grade for that.

I tried so hard to listen attentively to the discussion lalo pa't today's topic is one of the most difficult; however, I couldn't bring myself to do so. My mind keeps wandering to what happened last night.

Gusto kong ipaliwanag nang mabuti kay mommy. I wanted to tell her my side yet I am afraid that she's not willing to listen.

"Alam kong may problema ka. You wouldn't act this way if there's none," wika ni Kit habang naglalakad kami sa hallway.

Ayokong pag-usapan.

Ayokong dumagdag pa sa mga kailangan niyang isipin lalo pa't next week na ang midterms. His focus must be solely on our exams. Madadamay ko lang siya sa pagiging miserable ko ngayon.

"Ate," saad ni Paris nang makalapit siya sa amin dahilan upang tumigil na rin kami ni Kit sa paglalakad.

"I'm sorry. I tried talking to mommy. Sinabihan ko siya na ako ang nagpapunta sa 'yo sa kwarto nila but she wouldn't listen to me."

"Ok lang. Thank you for still trying," I said wearily, losing the slight inch of hope in me.

"Of course. Hindi naman ako naniniwalang magagawa mo iyon."

I tried so hard to gave a smile but I still couldn't. Alam kong nahalata niya iyon kaya naman sinamahan niya na muna ako. I saw her trying to open her mouth countless of times but she didn't said a single word to me not until she asks for my permission for her to go to her class in which I nodded. She gave me one last glimpse. Inilagay niya pa ang dalawang hintuturo sa edge ng kanyang labi habang nakakurba iyon pataas. I gave her a faint one before she walks away. Bigla nga lang nawala ang ngiting iyon kasabay ng pagkawala niya sa paningin ko.

Kit and I went to the library. Ramdam ko pa rin ang tingin ni Kit sa akin. Alam kong nag-aalala lamang siya sa akin.

"May problema ba kayo ng mommy mo?" tanong niya nang hindi na niya mapigilan ang sarili.

Maybe I should tell him.

Gusto ko na ring ilabas ang sama ng loob ko sa nangyari.

"She accused me of stealing her money."

"Ano?! Bakit niya naman gagawin iyon?"

"I couldn't blame her though. Narinig niya kami ni Paris na namomroblema ako sa pera dahil sa nawawalang regalo ni Lay then alam niya rin na pumasok ako sa kwarto nila ni daddy kahapon pero wala akong kinukuha. Hindi ko kayang gawin iyon. Hindi ko kayang pagnakawan siya ng bente mil," I said as my eyes were already filled with waters again.