With Love to cat from fin

CHAPTER 58

"are you okay?" max asked as i climbed into car, "yeah why?" i asked putting on the seat belt, "no you look.....tired?" he asked, i adjusted the rear view mirror to look at myself, i thought i covered well but my eyes look different making big difference in my face, totally i look exhausted. 

"didn't get enough sleep?" max asked again, "yeah" i said hoping he would drop it, and i was grateful that he did, he drove with out further questions,  

Last night i got very little sleep, i couldn't sleep at all. All night i just laid in bed thinking of what could've happened if i had made any different decisions, well... the more i thought the more i realized that i had plenty of chances to make any difference and i myself choose to do all these, i wanted these things to happen, i wanted samrat and Pam to go out but i just underestimated the hurt i would feel seeing them together, 

I thought i should feel happy for pam but i can't help the sad and hurt i am feeling, Is this depression or something? am i that obsessed over him that i fell depressed? woah what am i thinking? positive thoughts finn i said to myself, i already made up my mind, i have a boyfriend and pam have a chance with samrat, it's soo wrong of me to think of other man when my boyfriend is sitting right beside me.

I called dany when we reached college, she said she is already here, max parked the car "see you later" i said unbuckling my seat belt, "fiona" he called, i realized we didn't say a single word except for the greetings, 

"yeah" i turned to him, he took my hand and kissed the back of it, i blinked in surprise, 

"i'll miss you" he said, i feel sorry for him, he tries soo hard to be with me but all i do is think of samrat, even when i look into his eyes i think of samrat's eyes, this is soo wrong, am i just wasting his time? he took my both hands into his and squeezed them gently, 

"come on, i am right here" i smiled, "i hope you are" he said looking past my shoulder  

"max what are you talking?" i asked, he sat silently avoiding my gaze, "maxiee" i said making him look at me, "don't be like this, just tell me" i said, 

he hesitated before saying  "i saw you with samrat yesterday" he said, i furrowed my brows  "i saw only you and him walking near second gate" he said looking at our hands, he must have seen us coming from the building, 

"oh that we took a walk around there. since we didn't have any classes" i said, he frowned a little, is he jealous?  "max are you jealous?" i asked, his frown deepened,  "oh come on he's just my friend" i said and say so to yourself my inner voice said this annoying shit i cursed internally,   "for your information he's already seeing someone" i said, 

"really? how do you know this?" he asked, 

"cause he's seeing pam and she tells us everything" i said, "woah that's some news" he said, 

"hey can you not speak about this to anyone? cause you know they are not still sure and let's wait till they say it themselves" i said, 

"yeah yeah" he nodded kissing my hands again, "have a good day" he said, "you too" i smiled.

I waved goodbye and turned around to see samrat staring at me, i nodded to him and walked into building, he followed behind without a word.

In class pam greeted me cheerfully, she looks soo happy, "i am soo happy for you" i said patting her hand, "i know, thankyou" pam grinned, "don't forget to treat us" dany said, pam nodded as we prepared for class. I tried to listen to the lecture but my mind wandered off, dany nudged me to copy down the lab schedule, exactly after a week our final exams starts and i don't have a clue of how much syllabus i have covered till now.

After class we all gathered out and went to library to study, we studied till lunch hour. after lunch we all attended the lab session. In the evening we sat beside the architecture building to study some more. 

Around 7 in the evening it started raining heavily, we quickly packed our bags and ran into the shade of a near by building. Atlast when it stopped raining we stepped out walking towards parking lot, max called me saying he was waiting near our faculty building, so i waved good bye and parted ways with them.

The weather outside is too cool, max increased temperature in the car as soon as i stepped inside, "ohhh you're shivering" he said, i am sure my cheeks are flushed with coldness. On the way he stopped in a cafe, we got some coffee which instantly helped me with the coldness i felt, he dropped me off home "take care" he called, i nodded with a smile.

The following next days we all got busy studying for the final tests, samrat and i didn't talk much, i see him and pam sitting together and being close, i am happy for them and so i say to myself everytime i see them together.

We had exams starting from monday and exactly 2 days before the exams, it was around 11.30 in the night and i was studying in my room when i got a call from samrat, i was startled, why would he call at this time?  i hesitantly answered the call "hey" i said "bunny" he said in a deep voice, 

"what's up?" i asked 

"bunny" he kept whispering repeatedly which sent chills down my spine, 

"yes, samrat what is it?" i asked with same intensity, i could clearly hear the voices in the back ground, he must be at some party, "what is it?" i shouted then bit my tongue, it's late and everyone slept in house, some one took the mobile from him "hey that's mine" he shouted and i heard indistinct voice before the call got disconnected. 

I tried to call him again, no one picked up, i started to get anxious, where is he? why did he call me? what's happening with him? after 3 attempts i stopped calling him, why should i be concerned about him? i went back to study but couldn't concentrate, i gave up and thought of calling aedion to ask about him.

"hey aedion" i said, "fiona, what's wrong?" he asked, there was a disturbance on his side, 

"where are you?" i asked, 

"what?" he asked, 

"aedion, is samrat with you?" i asked, 

"yes we're at a party" he said, "okay" i sighed, he must be drinking and called me in drunken state, "he's with me, a little overly drunk but fine. don't worry" he said, "fine, call you later" i said hanging up.

i want to stay away from him and his thoughts but it just wouldn't happen all i do is cry myself to sleep every night, i don't know what i am doing is right or wrong it's just what it is and i don't want to either argue or give in to it, i am just happy and content with just being distant. really?! a voice asked no not really but i can very well pretend before others that i am.

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