With Love to cat from fin

CHAPTER 67

I and pam sat on the edge of the bed silently, dany came with a bottle of water, "drink some" she said rubbing my back, i gulped down some and passed to pam, she shook her head, "i want answers fiona" she said sternly, i nodded. 

I lifted my head to see boys awkwardly standing in doorway, "want to talk alone?" dany asked, i couldn't decide if i should tell this to everyone, what if they think this is all just, no no finn better let everyone know of what's in your mind, it's okay even if they judge you, someday they would understand how much you care for them a voice in my mind encouraged, 

I took a deep breath and shook my head in no, dany motioned others to come in, boys all slowed settled themselves in the room, i crossed my legs indian style facing pam, i sat in silence pondering on where to start, pam fixed her cold gaze on me, dany sat holding my hand.

"what happened?" dany asked first, i was about to answer then pam said "i found fiona and samrat making out  in the hallway" she stated coldly, i squeezed my eyes shut not able to meet anyone's eyes, 

"fiona" dany called, i took deep breaths i don't think i am ready yet but one can never be ready to talk about their past. In fear of taking about cathy i choose dare which eventually led to this talk, i think it's really the time but i don't know if i should tell from the start or just about samrat. 

"speak fiona" pam commanded.

"i have feelings for him" i rushed biting my lip to stop myself from crying, 

"since when?" pam asked, she sounded cold, 

"i don't know when it started but i realized it the day you confessed about him to us" i said trying to control my breath, "i was soo confused but decided to stay away from him, i just found great friends like you and i didn't want to disturb it, then samrat started showing interest in me and i was naturally responding to him.

I felt guilty, i felt like i was cheating my own friend, i couldn't bare to lose you pam, so when he confessed to me i clearly said that we can't be together, still he didn't stop bugging me so i thought maybe if he sees me with other man then he would understand and stop looking at me and so i asked max to be my boyfriend" i said and stopped not able to continue, dany gently rubbed my back, 

"after that he became silent, i thought he let me go for good but he isn't the usual samrat anymore, he smokes, stays alone, doesn't interact much, i really tried to ignore my feelings but when i saw him crying asking me why i didn't accept him, i couldn't do anything, it hurts soo much to see him that way, i wanted to comfort him then i don't know, i....." i stopped as my throat totally closed up 

"but i never wanted to hurt you pam, trust me, i tried hard to distract myself and i really didn't want to lose anymore friends because of my silly feelings" i said collecting myself, "sorry pam, i...." my voice shook with emotion, 

"calm down" dany said, "i never meant to hurt anyone of you" i said looking down. 

"so..... you neglected your feelings not to hurt a friend?" pam asked, she sounded surprised, i nodded looking her in the eye, "why tho?" she asked, this time i was surprised what does she mean? "why ignore own's feelings just because of a friend?" pam asked, 

"you are not a just to me pamela, you all mean soo much to me" i said, 

"i don't...." she sighed "see if i were you i would prefer my love over friends, doesn't everyone do that?" she asked, is she crazy? no finn she wouldn't understand my inner voice whispered, she would if you talk about cathy, then everyone will understand another voice said, i tried to argue but before i could decide for anything to say, 

"finn do you remember what you said when we talked about brady?" jermy asked, i looked up to him, "In the end being with someone we love is all that matters, then why?" jermy asked,