With Love to cat from fin

CHAPTER 29

Tears, salty and with soo much hurt, Those damn tears wouldn't stop since i took the piece of paper from Cathy's apartment owner, i tried reading it again and again hoping the letters would change and that it would mean something else but none "finn i'm leaving town don't try to contact me. One day i will come find you, I love you" i read the message again with the blurred vision, this can't be happening, i want to cry loudly and say that i'm sorry, sorry cause this all happened because of my negligence, i couldn't take good care of her, i'm such a bad friend, i have failed as a best friend, i sat in my car, eyes tightly closed as silent tears leaked from my eyes, i felt like i have cried for hours, what should i do now? i don't have a clue where she is, how can i face her mother?  i'm sure she decided to leave just to save me from those bastards, i hate this, i hate all of this.

Then i felt her sitting next to me in passenger seat, "finn" she said softly, "cathy...how...?" i stuttered, "stop crying" she said softly, i couldn't see clearly so i wiped my tears and looked at her, still she looked blur, slowly her image disappeared, "no, cathy...why?" i cried as she totally disappeared, i looked around frantically and found nothing, this is all my fault, i cried out loud.

"fiona, fiona look, wake up" someone called shaking me, i opened my eyes to see cynthia looking down at me, "fiona what happened? are you okay?"  she asked sitting next to me. 

"i'm fine" i said rubbing my teary eyes, 

"really?" she asked handing me water bottle, 

"yeah, sorry for waking you" i said screwing open the cap, 

"no, i was doing some work and i heard you..... i think you should tell mom and dad" she said looking worried, 

"no" i rushed out, i don't want them to worry about me, "i'm fine, just go back to your room" i said taking a sip of water, the cool water calmed my nerves, 

"you sure? cause you..."  i cut her off  "cynthia it's too late, go to bed"  

"bossy" she said clicking her tongue "okay, i'm going back call me if you need anything"  she said raising up 

"really?" i asked raising my brows at her, 

"no, not really, i'm busy, i said it for formality" she said laughing at my face, i just stared at her, she stopped laughing and said "you are no fun"  sticking her tongue out, i sighed as she left room closing door behind her.  

I couldn't sleep after that so i sat up opening the old books and the shoe boxes that i hid all the letters in, After her little message i started writing letters to her so that i wouldn't miss telling her the things happening in my life, i didn't know at first but writing made me feel better so i started putting everything on paper which made me feel more close to my best friend, i started reading the letters, i picked one randomly from my old text book

21/07/2006- it's been 6 months since you left me and i miss you so badly, i miss you everyday, today i went to therapist, it's 3rd session and she tried so hard to make me talk but i didn't cat, i didn't breath a word about you, i know it must be hard for you too, leaving me like this, i don't blame you, i blame myself for causing all this mess, all this.....just because of my stupidness, i thought you will eventually come around saying "sorry fin please talk to me" but no you didn't and that made me even more angry, actually i was jealous of you cat, i'm sorry but i was jealous when i saw you being sweet with dave while i still tried to get over ethan, it's all my fault cat and now i could only wish you would come back to me soon.

                                                                                          With love To cat

                                                                                                 From fin

I folded the paper neatly and picked another letter randomly from the shoe box,

15/02/2007-hey cat, how are you? it's been exactly 1 year since you left me and i miss you like hell. Today i have a news for you, this morning i received an official letter from St. Mary's University, i attended the tests from that university and got accepted in engineering course, mom and dad are soo happy about it cat, you should have seen their faces when cynthia read out the letter during dinner, it was funny, dad said "i'm proud of you my girl" in his dark cold voice without any expression, i wish you would be here to share my happiness, do you remember we always planned to apply in same colleges so that we could study together? i wish it would come true, i wish we would miraculously meet each other in college, i wish for soo many impossible things right now. And cath it wasn't that easy at all, the first few months after you left, i had nightmares about you and ethan, i couldn't sleep well, i just started to get out te frustration on school works, all those stressful nights resulted in today's happiness, anyway i'm going to have a new start in college and hope to meet you soon, i miss you cath.

                                                                                        With love To cat

                                                                                              From Fin

i folded the paper back neatly and placed it into shoe box, i read some more random letters i've written to her before closing the box, i wiped the silent tears that have fallen on to my cheeks and kept the box safely under my cot and went to bookshelf to rearrange them so that no one would find out those letters, as i was shuffling through old books a photo slipped down and fell on floor, 

I picked it to see the picture of me and cathy standing with our teddy bears and smiling with our missing teeth in our backyard, i smiled looking at the picture as the memories of that day flashed in my mind, i sighed and flipped the photo to see the date written on the back of it, 

Suddenly i realised that it's her birthday today, i went to my bed stand and took the calendar in to my hands, i had drawn a big red round on the date with cathy written on it, god!!! how did i forget her birthday? thank god at least now i remembered, i was soo busy these days that i totally forgot my best friend's birthday.

Busy yeah, busy thinking about samrat and swooning over him my inner voice snapped at me, i can't believe myself? how can i act so irrational? was i really going to forget about her!! More tears escaped my eyes at the thought of forgetting about her, 

Birthday's used to be the best thing for us, we used to celebrate in cathy's room with horror movies and lots of cup cakes and popcorn in our tent which we make out of blankets and pillows. I cried silently remembering all those things, sorry cathy i whispered clenching the picture in my hand.

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