Evan Rosier (Harry Potter Fanfic/ Prequel)

4 | 45 | Stages Of Grief, But Nobody's Dead Yet

Friday, December 27

Yesterday, I told my mother I didn't want to talk about what had happened, and I went to my room.

I'm just now coming out, this morning, to talk. It's just inevitable, I suppose.

She made breakfast, a sausage meal with gravy. I fix myself a cup of coffee for like the third time in my entire life and have a seat at the table while she cooks.

I can tell she made breakfast out of pure concern for me. It makes me want to smile at how much she cares, but I don't.

She doesn't say anything, so I decide to start the conversation.

"He's dating Anastasiya Young."

Her body tenses up; I can't see her expression. "Did he tell you yesterday...?"

"Yes. They had been dating for a while. I was just informed about it."

"I'm sorry, dear."

"Don't be." I realize how awfully cool my tone is, but I don't bother to change it. "We kissed."

Again, she tenses up. Never would either of us thought I'd tell her about my first kiss- or any kiss. I'm just not that type of person.

She comes over with a heavy sigh and the pan of sausages. "How was it?"

"It was nice, at first. Then, he told me about Ana." My gaze darkens. "And how she was going to eat dinner with them last night."

Mom's eyes open wide. "Merlin himself, how daft is this boy?"

"Pretty daft."

That's the last thing I say, for she is putting the breakfast on the table and I am quite hungry.

~ * ~ *
Blair lies a comforting hand on my back as we walk down the train aisle to find an empty compartment.

"Again, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the kiss. I didn't think it meant much to you."

I decide not to tell her that she was the one who was suggesting that I liked Evan in the first place. Instead, I wave a dismissive hand. "I don't care."

"Ana didn't even tell you?" She asks, for the second time.

I shake my head and slide into an empty compartment. Blair closes the door behind us.

"I don't suspect you're going to be hanging with her anytime soon, huh?" She asks. I inspect her face for a hint of smugness, but see none.

"She's lucky if I even spare her a look."

"That's my girl." Blair smirks and puts her hand on top of mine. "I'm sorry it didn't work out."

I shake my head again and we ride the rest of the way in small, friendly banter, like it has always been. Blair and I.

~ * ~ *
I eat a nice, pleasantly sized dinner with Cynthia, who smiles at me and asks why I didn't join her on the train.

"Blair and I were in one," I tell her. "We were just discussing some family problems with another cousin."

She buys it, and continues eating.

I glance around the Great Hall. Candles line the walls and just float freely above us, coating the room in a warm glow. Fake stars, that look very real, shine on the ceiling where the "glass" resides. The four long tables with pounds of food and chattering, happy students make the room all the more welcoming. Why have I never noticed the beauty of this place?

I look back down to my own plate. The home-from-the-holidays feast isn't as grand as the Christmas feast or the beginning of school feast, but it sure is delectable.

I shove a forkful of pumpkin pie in my mouth, relishing the taste and feeling overall more relaxed than I have in days.

The only reason I was dreading coming back here was the fact that I'd have to see Evan and Ana, but...

I don't care about them. I just want to lie here and swoon over the grandeur of this castle.

Over the course of the next few days, it becomes evident that I do care about Evan and his now not so secret lover.

I think I was so in shock, that I forgot about the situation.

I've read a lot of books in my lifetime, and one of them strikes me the most. Trust me, I'm not mourning over the death of a loved one, and I'm not even mourning over the loss of something (technically, Evan wasn't mine to lose). Still, I'm grieving over the lost chance that he could have been mine.

I'll pretend that sentence in itself wasn't disgusting so we can move on the book I was talking about.

It's a Muggle book. Okay, I get it, Muggles are untrustworthy and kind of stupid, but this books makes sense. Maybe they know more things about our bodies than we do.

Believe it or not, Muggles share the same kind of grief as we do.

The book is divided into five chapters, one for each stage of grief. I haven't read the book in a small while, but I remember it clearly.

Now, let's say the prologue is shock and numbness, which would explain my simple thoughts when I came back to Hogwarts and saw Evan and Ana together for the first time.

The chapters are labeled simply so that one can remember them: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.

I'm not a Mediwizard, nor a therapist. I don't know how my body works.

To cope, I guess the only think I can do is closely watch myself and see if my emotions match up to the stages of grief.

Hey, it's better than having to deal with the whole thing on such an empty mind.

~ * ~ *
Published 6-28-20