Wicked Love 3 (Kyle Kuzma)

12

Kyle 🏀

Where do I go from there? I don't know. I really don't. I sit in my car quietly, trying to gather my thoughts. Like...did that really just happen? Did I really just lose the love of my life?

I start the car, pulling out of my parking spot. The entire drive home was silent. No music, nothing. Just me and my raging thoughts.

I honestly wish things could've gone differently. Ariana would forgive me fully and we could move on. But after last night, I kind of had a feeling that wouldn't happen. Then she pulled the whole happiness card and I immediately felt myself dissolve. She was really going to throw everything we ever had...down the chute.

Her words, "you deserve to be happy, Kyle" continued to run through my mind. I deserve to be happy. Zo was right when he said she always puts others feelings before her own. I say this because she deliberately mentioned Winnie and how she deserves happiness.

Ariana is a rare breed. You can't find many women like her anymore. And I'm so mad at myself for doing wrong by her. She didn't deserve my bullshit. She didn't. I blew this for myself. But now...now I have the opportunity to make another woman happy. To love another woman the way I once got to love Ari.

This takes me back to the very beginning of our relationship. Where I shut her out and isolated myself from her because I was afraid she'd hurt me. When I didn't really consider her feelings. But I understand that now. I understand that all she wanted to do was love me and for me to love her.

Young and dumb is what I was. Not taking her thoughts and feelings into consideration...that's all my fault. She chose me to be her first sexual partner. Her first real love. And I didn't lie when I said she was the first real thing to ever happen to me. She dedicated so much time to me and I feel like such a jerk for taking advantage of that. So if anything, she really does deserve better.

I may have been turned away per her request, but that just makes me want to try even harder. She didn't mean what she said when she wanted us to be over completely. I could see it in her tear soaked eyes that she didn't want this to be over. But she did it for the sake of another woman. A replacement.

Let me tell y'all something though; Ariana can never be replaced. Never. I may have had a few flings here and there, but not one of them could live up to the hype of Ariana. That woman has done so much for me and has changed me in so many ways. She gave me my first child. Like let's be real. Why would I ever want to give that up? Why did I give that up?

I sniffle and wipe my face after pulling into my driveway. I couldn't let Winnie see me like this. So I had to make myself look a little more presentable. I hop out of the car and make my way to the front door, automatically getting jumped by Snoh upon my entry.

"Hey girl!" I exclaim, kneeling down to pet her. "Did you grow overnight? Shit."

I close the door behind me and walk into the kitchen. Winnie walked in shortly after.

"Kyle." She exclaimed. "Where were you? I've been calling and texting you all night."

"I was at Ariana's place." I say, placing my keys on the island counter and checking my phone. Indeed I had plenty of missed calls and unread text messages. All from Winnie.

She makes a disapproving sound but I pretend to not hear it. She was waiting for an explanation and I'm going to give her one...after I get myself a bottle of water.

"Violet got a little stomach bug." I lie, reaching into the bottom shelf for a water bottle. "We were in the ER almost all night."

When I stand back up to face her, she frowns. "Sorry to hear that. Is she okay?"

"Yeah. She's doing much better now." I go on. "Just taking it easy on what she eats for now on."

She nods, taking a seat at the island counter. "That's good."

I stand on the opposite side of the island, sipping my water.

"Can you help me take out my hair?" She asks, pulling at one of the braids. I only nod in response and she runs upstairs.

I walk over to the couch to get comfortable. I zone out again, thinking about what happened in the last 13 hours. I sleep with my baby mama, then she tells me to move on from her and our past. Imagine that shit man.

I wish I knew what was going through her head in those moments. Did she really mean what she said? Or am I just too in denial of it? Because as far as I see, I can't unlove the most liveliest person I've ever been with. She made me smile on days that I really didn't feel like it. She never took no for an answer. She always had my back. She kept me grounded after tough losses. She was the one for me. And she still is. But if she's telling me to move on, then it's what I have to do. It won't be easy though.

"Alright, I'm back." Winnie plops down beside me on the couch. She hands me a braid and turns her back to me. "Let's get to work."

Maybe moving on won't be as hard as I'm making it to be. The only job I have is to love hard and receive the love back. Winnie may just be that person to fill that hole.

*****

"Pizza sounds amazing right now." Winnie exclaimed. She was on the phone with one of her modeling friends. Or it might just be someone she met and became close friends with. I don't know.

She turns to face me. "How does Pizza sound Ky?"

I shrug, but nod. I was too busy scrolling through Instagram to actually pay attention.

"I'll call you back later Tamara." She said, before hanging up the phone.

Just when she did that, my phone disappeared from my own hands. I look over at her and she's locking my phone.

"What did you do that for?" I ask.

"You've been quiet all day since you got back." She said. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm just really concerned with Violet's health, that's all." I say.

"I'm sure she's going to be fine Kyle. You said it yourself that she's fine." She said.

"I know. But as a father, there's really nothing I can do but worry." I explain.

I can't muster the strength to tell her what I really did last night. I don't think I'll ever be able to tell her.

She moves closer to me, placing her head on my shoulder. "Everything will be alright."

I kiss the top of her head. "I know it will."

"Now what do you want on this pizza?" She sat up to look at me.

"Cheese is fine."

She rolls her eyes. "So basic."

I chuckle as she stands up from the couch and walks to the kitchen.

"I'll make one half pepperoni and the other half just cheese." She said. "That way we're both satisfied."

I grin as I watch her start to make the order. She can be such a perfectionist at times, but it's all for good reason. I really don't expect much from her either. She just does what she has to do in hopes that something good comes from it.

She's also too damn cute lol.