Wicked Love 3 (Kyle Kuzma)

16

Ariana 💕

After that lengthy talk with Winnie this afternoon, I was able to finish the lyrics to my next song The Way I Was. I'd let Jack, Keith and Orlando know that I plan on coming into the studio tomorrow to sing it. It's supposed to have an emotional touch to it. Just a song about how I'm spawning into another version of myself. Then after the studio tomorrow, I'm planning on taking a trip to Atlanta. I need some time away from L.A. for a bit.

I thought about the things Winnie said, and also how telling the story out loud definitely bought it to life. He bought me to life. And the annoying part about it is the fact that I keep trying to run away from it like it never happened. There were points made with Kyle, and there were points made with Winnie, but at the end of the day I have to take care of my heart.

I was currently making dinner, while humming along to some Beyoncé. Tonight I was having some steak, peas and white rice. Violet would have macaroni and cheese instead of rice because she'd made it known a while ago that she doesn't like white rice. Now yellow rice, she'll eat. If white rice is her only option though, she'll eat it. But I would never force it on her.

After I made our meal, I placed her food on her high chair table. I sat on my chair right next to her. We ate our food in peace because that's what we both needed at the moment. Peace and quiet.

Molly and Milo hounded us of course. Violet must have thought I wasn't paying attention, but it's not hard to miss your 1 1/2 year old feeding her square cut steak bits to the dogs.

"Violet, don't do that." I exclaim. She frowned at me and I sighed. "The dogs have their own food, they should not be eating yours."

"Hungwy." She replied.

"I know they're hungry mamas, but I just fed them. They should be eating their own food however." I glare at the two dogs.

Both walk to their bowls with their tails tucked between their legs. I love my dogs, a lot. But they can't continue to eat human food like that. I don't want either of them to get sick from eating our food. No matter how good it is to them, they must know their limits.

When we finish our food, I get Violet ready for a bath. I set up the tub, filling the bath with bubbles. I set out her bubble gum smelling body wash, and strawberry-vanilla scented hair washing essentials. I throw her rubber duckies in there as well.

"Alright mamas, lets go." I exclaim.

I assist her into the tub as she steps on the step stool at the front of the tub and gets in. She sits down and I get straight to work.

While she plays with her ducks, I wash her up thoroughly. Then I start to wash her hair.

"Head back." I say.

She leans her head back a little and I pour fresh water through her curls; which stops right below her shoulder blades.

"Mama?" She says, dunking one of her ducks into the water.

"Yes?" I reply, pouring a little shampoo into my hand and rubbing it together.

"Daddy?" She asks.

I slow my efforts at rubbing the shampoo in her hair, trying to figure out what to say to her. What do I say?

"Daddy is working baby." I say, rubbing her scalp gently.

She turns to look at me, a pout on her face. She's only a year and a half years old, she wouldn't be able to understand the difficulties between Kyle and I. So I don't even bother explaining the situation to her, I just continue washing her hair.

*****

I stood in Violet's room doorway as she lay in her bed talking to Kyle on FaceTime. I don't know what they were talking about, but I guess it was serious. Although Kyle was doing most of the talking, Violet listened carefully.

"How about I come get you tomorrow and we go to Billy Beez?" He asked.

"Mama come?" Violet asked after she nodded at him.

He got quiet for a second, then answered. "I don't know baby. I think mommy has to work."

Violet looked over at me with a frown. I did say I'd do anything for my little girl, including putting myself into every line of fire possible.

The girl sure do know how to work em.

Violet smiles when she notices the look on my face. "Mama come!"

I give a small smile before walking over to her bed. She ends the call with Kyle and I take the tablet from her. I tuck her in again then kiss her forehead and tell her goodnight.

I leave her room, closing the door behind me. I decide to text the guys and let them know that we'll have to do the studio the following day; my kid needs me. They reply back in a haste, but it seems more like relief to me.

When I get back into my room, I shower and get myself ready for bed. I personally feel like the Billy Beez moment is meant for the two of them. Father-Daughter time is very important. Soon she'll be starting kindergarten, then every grade following that. She'll have boyfriends and be going on dates, trying on dresses for prom and homecoming dances, getting ready to graduate high school, packing for college, working a six figure job then settling down to get married and have kids. And then the cycle will repeat itself.

I try not to think about these things, but I really cannot help it. My baby girl is going to grow up to become her own woman. I feel like all the kisses and cuddles will wear off once she hits age five. She won't want mommy showering her in kisses anymore.

As I stare up at the ceiling thinking about these things, I also start to think about where I see myself in the next ten years. Maybe I'll have another kid between the next five, but it'll probably be from adoption. Who knows, I don't control my fate. I just live in the moment.

With the final thought that my life is only going to continue going up from here, I finally fall asleep.

A sleep that's well needed.