Wicked Love 3 (Kyle Kuzma)

13

Friday, April 2nd, 2021

Ariana 💕

I've been working on music like no tomorrow. I haven't allowed myself to rest a minute. I created an entire album in 2 weeks. All in preparation for the upcoming tour this summer...that hasn't even been finalized yet.

Jack, Keith and Orlando were really trying to keep up with me. There were days where I stayed late night in the studio just working on beats. Like the one I'm about to record today called "Lose You To Love Me". This song, and others, are going onto my album Playing With Fire. I'll list the songs out for you guys soon. But so far, it's looking pretty solid.

I put the headphones on and place the lyrics on the stand. There's a bit of eraser marks on the paper, but that's because I was trying to find the right words. All of my lyric pages look like this though. But it's only because when I start writing my thoughts on the paper, it sometimes comes out looking like chicken scratch.

I give Keith the thumbs up and he starts playing the beat.

You promised the world and I fell for it
I put you first and you adored it
Set fires to my forest
And you let it burn
Sang off key in my chorus
'Cause it wasn't yours
I saw the signs and I ignored it
Rose colored glasses all distorted
Set fire to my purpose
And I let it burn
You got off on the hurtin'
When it wasn't yours, yeah

We'd always go into it blindly
I needed to lose you to find me
This dance, it was killing me softly
I needed to hate you to love me, yeah

To love, love, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, yeah
I needed to lose you to love me, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, yeah
I needed to lose you to love me

I gave my all and they all know it
Then you tore me down and now it's showing
In two months, you replaced us
Like it was easy
Made me think I deserved it
In the thick of healing, yeah

We'd always go into it blindly
I needed to lose you to find me
This dance, it was killing me softly
I needed to hate you to love me, yeah

To love, love, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, yeah
I needed to lose you to love me, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, yeah
I needed to lose you to love me

You promised the world and I fell for it
I put you first and you adored it
Set fires to my forest
And you let it burn
Sang off key in my chorus

To love, love, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, yeah
I needed to hate you to love me, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, yeah
I needed to lose you to love me
To love, love, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, yeah

And now the chapter is closed and done
To love, love, yeah
To love, love, yeah
To love, yeah
And now it's goodbye, it's goodbye for us

I take the headsets off when Jack gives me the thumbs up. I exit the booth and walk over to the guys. Orlando played it back so I could hear what it sounded like. Then they worked on whatever edits they had to.

I walk over to the couch that Violet sat on. She was currently on her tablet watching Paw Patrol. If it's not Aladdin, it's this shit.

"I'm sure there are plenty of other things for children to watch, but Paw Patrol has always been the go to." Sam exclaimed, walking into the studio.

"You make Aiden watch this?" I ask. Aiden is Sam's four year old son.

"Yup." He said. "When he's acting a damn fool, I put this in front of him and he calms down."

I chuckle. "Poor Aiden."

He shrugs. "Parenthood is a mental illness."

"Tell me about it." I mumble.

I run my hand along Violet's hair as I watch her long lashes move back and forth from her cheeks and she sucks on her pacifier. She was so intrigued with the show and it was too cute.

My baby girl 💕.

*****

Kyle 🏀

I walk hand in hand with Winnie on the beach. She was singing "Yummy" by Justin Bieber. I ain't gone lie, she been singing this song too much lately. Like...so much to the point where I wanna grab Justin by his neck and tell him to throw the whole song away.

"Girl you got that yum-"

"Winnie, please!" I chuckle.

She giggles at my reaction. I switch so I can wrap my arm around her shoulder.

"So what's up Kuz?" She asked.

"Why do you ask?" I ask.

She shrugs. "You've been a little quiet lately."

I shrug as well. "Just thinking about the last few games of this season and what the off season is looking like."

I don't know if she completely bought it or not, but she nodded in response. I so badly want to tell her about what I did with Ariana a couple weeks ago, but we literally just got back on track with our relationship. It would break her.

Ariana and I haven't talked at all since I left her apartment. The only time we talk is if it involves Violet. Even then it's not much. I honestly hate not being able to have her. Have her in my arms, have her try to push me away when I kiss all over her face. I want her back so bad. But she made it clear that she doesn't want me. So why do I keep putting myself through this pain? The pain of what ifs.

What if I hadn't broke up with her? What if we can't rebuild the chemistry we once had? What if she was more hurt than I was when she told me to move on? What if I didn't get back together with Winnie? What if Violet got to grow up in a household where mommy and daddy could show her the true definition of love? What if everything hadn't gone south?

"Here's a spot." Winnie breaks me from my thoughts. "What do you think babe?"

"This is good." I say.

I unwrap my arm and she starts to set up the towel. When she finishes with that, I sit down on it. She sits in between my legs and leans back against my bare chest. I wrap my arms around her and hold her close.

We sit there in pure silence, just listening to the water. Other people were hanging out on the beach as well. Walking. Talking. Eating. Playing. There was a family of three about a few feet away from us, building sand castles with their young son. He looked no older than 3 years old. Then the parents, who looked to be about late 20's, early 30's. They looked so in love.

I imagined it as Ari, Violet and I. Violet in between as the both of us lift her up by her arms, swinging her gently. She'd be giggling and having a good time. It's a nice thought to have.

"Are you sure you're okay Kyle?" Winnie asked, looking up at me.

"I'm fine Winnie, I promise." I say.

She narrows her eyes at me and I chuckle. I lean down to kiss her.

"I'm good." I trace her lips with my thumb.

She only nods in response, turning back to face the water. I don't know how much longer I'm willing to lie to her—or anyone for that matter—but if it means keeping some secrets in the dark, I have no choice but to.

I just want to be free of this pain.