Somewhere In Neverland ~Flykarth~

Chapter 11

  We finally dropped Kellin off and now it was just me and Matt in the car.
"Well, you going to get your sexy butt in the front or you going to stay there in the back where I can't see or reach you?"
"Oh, um..." I bit my lip and climbed out of the back and walked round the front.
"Much better." He smiled. "Did you uh, tell..."
"Yeah." I nodded.
"Then I can do this..." He reached his hand over to my face, pulling it to his and kissing me softly. "God I've wanted to do that all day."
I blushed. "M-me too." It wasn't a lie, I had spent all day thinking about the way his lips felt on mine yesterday.
"What did Kellin say?"
"Um, well, he was shocked...and he-he's kind of..."
"Skeptical?" I nodded my head wordlessly. "Yeah, I get it don't worry, I'll just have to prove to the both of you that this isn't some set up and I'll do whatever it takes."
"I-I..." I didn't know what to say, I didn't want to exactly outright tell him that I didn't trust him just yet.
"It's ok, I know you are too and I don't blame you, but I mean it..." He reached over and took my hand. "I'll do whatever it takes to prove myself, you're worth it Lex, I just wish you'd see that in yourself."
"Yeah, well, never been given much reason too..." I put my head back down, not wanting to look at him.
"Well, I'm going to give you a reason too, you'll see. You want me to take you straight home?"
"Yeah, m-my rents will be home in half an hour."
"Alright, let's go then." He shifted the car into drive and pulled away from Kellin's. "How was the group?"
"Um, ok."
"You're an awful liar Lex, you know that right? What happened?" He reached back over and took my hand, just leaving it there and he controlled the steering wheel with one hand effortlessly.
"I-I had a small anxiety attack." I mumbled quietly. "W-we had to i-introduce ourselves...s-say why we w-where there a-and yeah..."
"Well, I'm proud you did it, take's a lot to admit your demons to people you don't know, you going back next week?"
"Yeah." I gave a small nod.
"How was Joe?"
"He was okay, quite but he eventually started talking towards the end."
"Good. Um, what you doing Saturday?"
"Umm I don't know."
"Well, uh, I've um invited Jack around to chill out on the xbox, I-um, was wondering if you wanted to come? You know, meet Jack properly? He's really not a bad guy Lex, and he knows that I'm...well gay, and he's stuck by me all these years."
My heart pounded hard against my chest, had I'd not already had a big enough dose of being face with new people and talking, or trying anyway, to them? But I guess he was right, he clearly didn't care Matt was gay, he'd kept it secret for as long as he'd known. "I'll-uh think about it."
"I'd love for you two to meet, he's my best friend and you're my boyfriend, you can invite Kellin too if it make's you feel more comfortable."
"Yeah, I'll uh, let you know." I nodded. Just then he pulled over, stopping the car about two blocks away from mine. "Um, why are we..."
"Because I really really want to kiss you again and I didn't want to do it outside your house just in case your neighbours decide to be nosy parkers. I know your parent's don't know so, I don't really want to land you in it in case they saw and told them."
"Ohh." I looked up at him, and saw him looking at me, with a small, sweet smile.
"So, can I?" I gave a small nod and before I knew it one of his hands wrapped around the back of my neck, pulling me to him, locking his lips gently on mine. Then came those fireworks I'd gotten every time we kissed, that melting feeling as I relaxed and lifted one of my hands to the back of his neck. Everything in that moment, all my worries, my fears, my anxiety faded away, there was just me and him, the world around us no longer existed and for a brief moment before he pulled away, I felt...happy. "I'm so sorry about this morning." He sighed, resting his forehead on mine.
"It's ok." I breathed.
"It's not, it hurt so bad just standing there. I wanted to run to you, so freaking bad but at the same time I wanted to respect what you said you wanted. It was like I was being torn in two."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be, it's not your fault. But, I don't know how long I can just stand there Lex, I'm trying hard to respect what you want, but it's so hard." He pressed his lips on my forehead, I closed my eyes sighing.
"I-I can't see you get hurt."
"And I've already told you, I don't care, you're worth it Lex, please believe me, you're worth the world and I want to give it to you."
"I-I...please Matt..." I looked at him pleading, I wasn't ready to see him go down, not yet. I knew how he made me feel...he made me feel good, happy, wanted, loved, cared for, and I'm pretty sure I was falling for him. But if he insisted on going down with me, I needed both of us to be sure, I couldn't live with myself if he got hurt and this turned out to be some short lived fling type thing. I needed to be sure about how I felt, and I needed to know he was too, I also needed to trust him. Right now, I only trusted him enough to tell him certain things, but I still couldn't give him my full trust.
"I know, I understand, I'll hold on, for you." He pressed his lips against mine once more, before we returned to our previous position's in our seats. "Come on, let's get you home before your parents get back."
"Ok." I nodded, bringing my knee's up to my chest and cuddling them. So many thought's in my head, it was making me uneasy, it made me want to cry, I couldn't separate the good from the bad. It was just one giant pool of emotion and I didn't know what to do with any of it. I knew what I wanted to do, the voices started talking.
Of course it's a set up Alex, who could love you?
It won't last, he'll see how screwed up you are and leave you
You think you can be happy? HA! Not a chance.