Somewhere In Neverland ~Flykarth~

Chapter 28

A/N; Hey guys, sorry, bit of shameless self promotion...if you could all go check out my Cashby fic after this, that would be amazing! I'd really excited about it and would love for it to do well! Princess Faithpunzell xoxo

  The last week of school had been hell, the meds where helping, sort of, but the voices where still there, they where just not as...loud. And I was still having the attacks, they just weren't anywhere near as bad and I could recover from one pretty quick.
But it was the torture, the longer we avoided the inevitable, the worse it was going to be. Mr. Carlile was doing his best to keep us out of Alan, Shayley, Mike and Tony's way, he's managed to get classes swapped around so I had every lesson with Kellin, and he's managed to convince them to make sure we didn't have any classes with Alan or Shayley. We where getting to and from classes five minutes early, in hopes to avoid them, and during breaks we stayed in Mr. Carlile's office. But I knew there was no way we could keep this up, we wouldn't be able to run forever. It would eventually catch up to us and the longer we ran, the angrier Alan was getting. I guess now, at least it was Christmas break so, in theory, we where okay for two weeks...I hoped.
On top of that, it was Christmas in five days, and guess who's father didn't want to be around his son, even on Christmas? Yeah, you guessed it, this guy right here! He'd decided to go back to England, last minute, to visit his parents, leaving me and mum behind. People kept telling me he'd come around, but I didn't see any hope in him coming around. I could see how much it was tearing my mum apart, she tried to put on a brave face when I saw her, but I invented the brave face, the fake smile, I knew one when I saw one a mile away. Not only had her family been torn apart, she now knew the extent of Alan's bullying which filled her with worry which was the last thing she needed. I could see it in her eyes, she was feeling like a failure, I knew the look all too well and it was eating me apart.
If I had never taken up Matt's offer of a friendly hand, none of this would've happened. Of course I loved Matt with my whole heart, but it was destroying everyone around me, how was my happiness worth hurting the people I loved? It's wasn't, not to me. They may say otherwise, but they don't see the things I do, they don't see the pain behind each others eyes, they don't see the hurt. They don't see how much it was eating me apart inside out to see them all hurting because of me.
The only plus point to the last week and a half, Oli had given me a second chance and I ended up leaving with a job. I was working in the music store every Saturday, Sunday and Thursdays after school starting straight after new year.

You're worthless the voices started whispering as I tried hard to block them out, trying to concentrate on the chords I was playing. They'd be better off without you. I know the doctor said it would take around two weeks for the meds to fully work, but I wished they worked properly now. You may as well just put them all out of their misery. I upped the volume on my amp, the chords strumming too loudly in my ear it hurt, but I had to drown them out. Nice try Lex, but we're in your head, not your ears. It wasn't working, my breathing started getting short. I should call for Kellin, but he was in his room with Vic, I didn't want to disturb them. Kayla and Harry where out on a date night, and Matt had a family meal so he wasn't here. "Come on Alex...breath..." I told myself. "You can do this." No you can't, your weak! Just do it, you know you want too! No, I couldn't. You know we're right, they're lives would be better without you. "No..." Yes.
Before I even knew what I was doing, I was searching in my wardrobe, and there is was, in my wash bag. That's it, do it! "No...I can't..." I tried to take control back, but it was hopeless, the shiny object was pulled from it's casing. "Stop!" Tears pooled from me, but the voices had taken full control of me and now my white carpet was stained with red dots. I fell to the floor, back against the wardrobe. One...two...three...four...they where about to make a fifth when the door swung open.
"Lex, me and Vic are...LEX!" Kellin lept across my room, taking hold of my wrists and pulling them apart. Given Kellin was a skinny thing, he was oddly strong. "Lex, look at me! Breath with me. In, one, two, three, out, one, two, three...."
I just about found the strength to lift my head and tried to copy his breathing. After about five minutes, my breathing was normal but reality hit me like a freight train when I saw the red on my arms and carper. "I-I-The v-voices...I-I tried to...They...I-I couldn't..."
"Shhh it's ok." Kellin pulled me into his arms. "VIC!"
"What's...holy shit!" Vic's eyes went wide as he walked into my room.
"First aid kit's in the bathroom, under the sink."
"Got it." And he walked out the room.
"I-I'm sorry." I sobbed.
"No, It's ok, just breath Lex, it's ok." He soothed. Seconds later Vic walked back in with the first aid and started cleaning me up.
"Why didn't you come get us?" Vic asked as he wrapped a bandage around my arm.
"I-I thought I-I could control it...b-by the t-time I realized I c-couldn't...I tried to stop." I let out gut wrenching sobs as I cried on Kellin's shoulder.
"I'm calling Matt." Kellin pulled his phone from his pocket.
"No...H-he'll hate me."
"He could never hate you Lex, you know that." Kellin sighed and dialed Matt's number.