Elements of Fire

50. Negotiations -4

"Karna, if you indeed meant all that you just said" Drupad began, in an unusually calm manner, "Then why are so vehemently opposing my agendas of retaliation against the Kurus who attempted to humiliate 'your' wife in so deplorable a manner?"

"Maharaj Drupad why do you think I will care for your personal vendetta?" Karna asked sarcastically, leaning his elbow on the table, "And after today, why do you still hope for that?"

"Why are so against my proposal I don't understand?" Drupad questioned back "Can't you look beyond your indifference?"

"Because what you call 'indifference' is what I call 'freedom' and I am not allowing any constraints to fall on it" Karna shot back "I am not Arjun who will let himself be practically treated like a weapon by his father-in-law. I am not bound by any such gratitude towards you!"

Draupadi gasped. She directed her gaze to Dhristyadyumna who averted his eyes from her. What else had she so innocently overseen, so far? The day was coming down on her like a torrential rain of revelations, hammering on her agonizingly.

"Heavens! I have not even had a proper communication with Duryodhan, the only one who stood up for me every time someone attacked me for my birth, since that eventful day, why should I even bother about your schemes?" Karna continued "Samrat Dhritarshta writes to me about—"

He stopped abruptly, breathing heavily. Draupadi felt a jolt of fear pass through her at the mention of Duryodhan from her husband's voice and then she blinked several times.

Karna shut his eyes for a few seconds, blocking away the curious stares of the other three present and then opened them with a resolved determination. He could see his wife looking stunned but he chose to ignore it.

Draupadi realized she had subconsciously not cared to look into an aspect of her husband which was definitely integral to him. He had left behind that friendship he was willing to give up his life for, hanging in uncertainty and come away with her to Anga, solely for her interests.

"And about avenging Panchali's dishonor," Karna began after some time "I think both of us walking out of the active political framework of Aryavart has already caused enough disruption. And if any such thought arose in her mind, she would tell me about it, I would then look into what can be done."

She nodded blankly at her husband. He was right, she had not told him anything of the regard and of course she was the last person he would broach the matter with. But in all honesty, her sate of mind had not allowed her to think of it, yet.

She had started, consciously and unconsciously, to suppress all thoughts and memories about the disastrous dice game and her former life as the common wife of the Pandavas, ever since she sat beside Karna, taking her wedding vows in front of the holy fire.

"You think, I have not been informed of what you called my daughter that day?" Drupad asked sharply.

"I quoted what our scriptures dictate. My allegiances were different then" Karna answered, his fixed on the King of Panchal. He could feel Draupadi gaze on him, but a sudden guilt kept him from meeting hers. He knew she must have gauged his motives behind saying those words long back, but somehow he felt ashamed, being reminded of it now.

"And if those Pandavas, those epitomes of dharma and values had been instigated at those words," Karna continued, pushing away his guilt and shame, he couldn't give Drupad the pleasure of witnessing him weakening even slightly, "If they would have jumped into action, then the allegiances would have remained the same, in the manner you so desire. But, no, they remained seated like puppets, cowardly waiting for their wife to be dishonoured and stripped in public!"

Karna finished his furious outburst but the remaining pairs of eyes in the room including his were aimed at its only female occupant. Draupadi's beautiful face set behind the large jewels had paled but her eyes blazed like the brightest and sharpest of diamonds ever mined. They dazzled and frightened at the same time.

"Pitashri, I am unable to understand what is distressing you so" she said softly, but in the apprehensive silence of the room, the words fell like thunderclaps, "But I have the right to live my life the way I want to, to take my own choices and I feel I am not wrong."

Draupadi gulped, her eyes steadily looking at her father with a myriad of emotions passing through them. Her head felt heavy and her neck and bosom covered by the layers of exquisite trinkets ached.

"It was not I who broke the trust so sacred in a marriage" she said rising unsteadily, trying to balance her weight on her feet, "I never failed in performing my duties diligently whatever the stage in my life had been, it is not I who disgraced the basic ethics of humanity and honour. The responsibility of whatever happened that day can never fall on me and I have the right to decide for myself and I will abide and uphold those decisions."

She took a few steps back, her saree ruffling, the jewellery jingling, her eyes though wide in admonishing anger were not performing their function as best as they should. She could feel her head start to spin as darkness began whirling into her eyes.

The next moment her hand was pressing down on a strong shoulder, the owner of which had his hands on her back, supporting her in one swift motion before quickly  leading her  out of the room.

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