Heart On A Platter

Psychopath

The strongest people are often the ones we doubt are. I read that somewhere, when you are like me you read, often to escape the worlds harsh realities. Unicorns don't exist, rainbows never last long and you can't feel the slightest of emotions.

Usually it progresses as you get older but mine, mine was different. I wished upon a star and my wish was granted, since then it's been a total and complete void. But that's life, some people have perfect families, houses, bodies and just sometimes you don't even have the necessities. Emotions would count as basics but other things too.

I also read somewhere that the people that can give up others and not forget them are extremely special, this is not what I had in mind as special.

"ROSE!" I hear from down the stairs as I tumble out of bed and quickly pull on my clothes and drag my feet down the stairs as I will do anything to buy myself time. "Great, your here" she says as she throws a stack of plates in my hands and I sigh, "Set the table" she snicker through her teeth as I roll my eyes and finish placing the plates nicely on the table. "WRIGHT" my mother squeals as I roll my eyes and finish and place my plate as she to busy taken with my brother, "How's my favorite...." she says as she suddenly trails off and she glances to me and suddenly remembers her sentence. "I meant favorite son" she says as I force a laugh, "It's okay" I say as I hold one last plate in my hand and lay it on the island. "No need to fake how you feel when I already know it, as we all know I can't feel so no need to have any sympathy for me" I say as I slip my arms through my coat. "Now I will go visit my favorite mother" I say as I hold my hand in front of my mouth as I fake the shock, "Oh my dear, I meant grandmother" I say as I wink at my mother, "Love ya" I say as I slam the door and walk out of the house, that was lie number one of the day.

When you live like I do you have to lie a lot, at this point it's whatever makes the people at your side stay. Me telling my mother I love her will keep her at my side, regardless she'll question if I really can, but lying to your family is not for yourself, it for them to sleep a little better.

"How is it sweetie?" Bertha ask as I nod, "Great" I say as I start to count in my head how many more lies til I can stop, that will probably be the end of time. "Rose, please be a dear and can you hand me a puzzle" Aimee ask me as I smile and nod, "Of course" I say as bend down and pull out a puzzle and as I stand up and I'm swept off my feet as I tumble to the floor as my face hits a rock hard surface. "Ow" I say to myself as I look up to see a man standing above me and I feel a flutter, indescribable but there. "DECLAN!" Aimee yells at the man as he offer me his hand and helps me to my feet.

"Are you okay" he ask me as I nod, "Of course, I'm fine" I say through a fake smile as I hand her the puzzle. "This is my grandson" Aimee introduces him as his eyes are glued to me for some reason, "Declan Steele" she says as she kicks him and I laugh. "Rose" I say as I shake his hand "Rose Davail" I say as his eyes never once tear away from me. "Go on boy" Bertha says as the rest of them laugh, "Make a move" she says as she raises her eyes brows at him and I smile. "I appreciate the gesture Bertha but I'm not ready" I say as I plaster a smile on my face and check my watch. "Jesus, grandma" I say as I sprint down the hall and into my grandmothers room, "Didn't think you were coming" she says as I catch my breath "I would never miss a day without seeing your face" I say as I kiss her forehead. "What took so long this time?" She ask me as I laugh, "Aimee brought her grandson, as a sad attempt to set me up again" I say as she nods her head to me.

"Rose" my grandmother says as I walk to her and she takes my hands into hers and I bend down to her, "Tell me the truth Rose. Is it getting better?" She ask me as I suddenly fall silent. I was always so used to lying to people for what I thought was their own good, but with my grandmother. It was always harder because it wasn't what she wanted to hear, it was genuine. "The same" I say as her smile fades, "I'm fine though, I'm used to it" I say as I kiss her hand and pick up the book off her nightstand and wander to her bookshelf. "I know there is nothing I can do to make you feel, but take this" my grandmother says as she wheels herself to the bookshelf and takes out a book without a cover and lays it in my hand.

"It won't heal you, but it might make you understand" she says as I kiss her forehead and look at my watch and sigh heavily. "Visiting hours are over" I say as I wish to be anywhere but home, "Love you" I say as I plant a kiss on her forehead and walk out of her room watching her stare out the window, profusely at the birds.

***************
"I'm here" I say as I run in the restaurant as my manager scoffs, "Lucky you are, I'd fire you if else Davail" she snickers as I roll my eyes at her and throw on my apron.

"I'd wish they'd just let us drink on the job" Valerie says sarcastically as I laugh, "I doubt that day will ever come, and if it does make sure I'm alive" I say as Valerie playfully pushes me. That's the thing about me, keeping it under wraps is the best thing you can do. And for people like Valerie I envy, funny, lighthearted and has emotions but when I put up a front not even the most skilled detective could sense it.

As the phone starts ringing and off the hook and I throw my rag on the table and walk to the back to answer it and if I could say I was eager to find out who was bugging us at this hour. "Bet it yours" I say to Valerie playfully as she laughs and throws a rags at me as I pick up the phone. "Rose?!" I hear my mother voice on the other end of the phone sounding the shakiest I've ever heard. "What's wrong mom?" I ask her as I stand in the kitchen waiting for the answer to hit me in the face. Little did I know the answer would hurt a person a lot more, but me, only made me hate myself than I already did. "She's......dead" my mother says as it feels like ages before she finishes her sentences, "Who?" I ask her as I can hear her crying through the phone. "Your......." she says as she gathers her breath and the strength to finish her sentence, "Your grandmother, she passed" she says as I just stand there.

That was the moment I hated myself most, a normal person would have felt uneasiness at just the slight sound of someone crying like my mother. So hard she was struggling to catch her breath, but me? This had to be the worst feeling in the world, because this made me feel like a actual psychopath compared to everyone around me, a emotionless void that no matter how hard she tried would never feel enough to even cry at the words of her own grandmothers passing.