A Cold Blue Reality

Chapter 3- I love HER... Don't I?

Josh's POV

I start walking towards the stairs. I don't know what's wrong with me. I KNOW I like Natalia but why did I feel so.....Right? My head started to spin, Let's not think about it.... I turn the corner to meet face to face with- "Jacob? " I said surprised. Jacob looks at me and lets out a nervous chuckle. He tried to punch my shoulder gently but I move my shoulder so he misses. He starts to talk while I cross my arms and listen for his excuse for being out of his room,

"Hey buddy, " He says awkwardly, "Pal o' mine" He goes on awkwardly, "What's going on?" I look at him with a 'really?' look. "Okay, don't yell at me. But I heard arguing and you know I get curious about things." I went to start yelling at him but he holds up a finger and a sly smile grew on his face. His tone changes and he said slyly, "Are you really gonna stand here and yell at me while your poor girlfriend, soon to be ex-girlfriend, is upstairs crying her poor eyes out because of what she has JUST seen?" A grin made it way to his face. I wanted to punch him so badly right in that moment but the thing was...I knew he was right. I hated the fact that he was though, I wanted to rip that sly sarcastic smile off his dumb face. I let out an angered sigh,

"I know," He smiles at me like he had won. I start walking up the stairs but then turn around to see him looking up at him "Don't think this is over Jacob. She is mine... Your just lucky I need to go talk to her." He nods his head and smiles,

"But for now, I win." He points at himself and walks off.  I turn back around to then again to start up the stairs. I get to the top of the stairs and walk over to the room Natalia had locked herself in. I knock on the door and say,

"Natalia....Please will you let me in?" I listen to her breath and I could tell she was still crying. I felt so badly, she walked in on the WORST time. She started to talking,

"Go away, you emotionless fucker. I fucking hate you. Take your dumb ass self and go fuck a cactus." I sigh,

"You don't mean that Natalia. Your just upset about......" I hear her take a steady breath listening for words I just couldn't put together,

"EXACTLY! YOU CAN'T ADMIT IT!" she screamed through the door. A loud thud came against the door like she had thrown something against it," YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!" I hear her start to sob. Which is very rare for her. She likes to be quite so people can't help her. So for her to actually sob for people to hear,

"Listen, I know what I did. I'm sorry it was just in the moment I just-" She cuts me off so I can't finish 

"SO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID YOU WILL ADMIT IT BUT WHY!" I hear her take a heavy breath and continue," We were never official anyway...So you know what it doesn't even matter. Go....Go be happy with Genna."  I sigh and turn around so I lean back against the door and slide down it landing on my butt. I hear her do the same,

"I-I'm sorry. I-I wasn't thinking. Natalia I love YOU and only YOU. I-I" I stop and turn my head slightly over to see Jacob standing there with his finger over his lips. I hear Natalia get up and flop back onto the bed and start sobbing. Every time she cries its like a knife to my heart and ears because I know it's my fault. I close my eyes and then open them again to see Jacob walking towards me and hold up what looks like a card from stop and shop. He walks towards the door and puts it between the crack and the door frame. I look at him to see what he is doing and I hear a quite click of the door unlocking. I look at him and smile, and mouth the words thank you,

"We are two and oh now Josh." I look at him and stick up my middle finger and chuckle and smile. I stand up and open the door to see a clump on the bed.  A clump of blankets and pillows with a sad Natalia in the center. I start pulling at them trying to unravel the poor Natalia. She whines at me,

"Fucking Jacob. I knew that room wouldn't hold him. I fucking... UGH! My head hurts. But YOU," She goes on angrily, "YOU are an ass whole. Get away from me. I don't even wanna see you." Those words went right into my heart,

"Just hear me out... Please....." I whisper muffled into the clump "Please Natalia," I feel the hole clump move,"Is that a nod?" She lets out a sniff. I'll take that as a yeah. "Listen Natalia I love you so much and it hurts me SO much when I hear you cry or when I know you are crying. I wanted to die when I realized what a STUPID thing I had done. I am an idiot and an ass hole. I'm a terrible-" I stop I feel Natalia shift in the clump and see her head pop up out of the clump and look at me. Our eyes lock her eyes were red with tears. "I never noticed that your eyes have a tint of green in them" I hear Natalia let out a slight laugh. But it was true, her eyes were brown and had a green tint around her pupil. Her eyes had a sparkle to them almost like the never land stars that twinkle beautifully in the black night that is her pupils. That with her amazingly beautiful long brown hair and her slightly pale white skin. But when she cries her face turns red and and she looks broken. I inch closer to her and cuddle the clump. "Talk to me please. I just can't find the words with out your words to bounce off of." I hear her giggle again, 

"It's awkward isn't it?"  I see her head pop up from every thing again but this time she had a smile on her face. Not forced, natural, happy, Natalia. I smile at her again I can't help it, her being happy makes me happy. I lean close to her and whisper,

"I really am sorry Natalia. I really do love you. You are the one for me no one can make me as happy as you do. I know it was stupid. But it was all just happening WAY to fast and it was all just in the moment. I was just too stupid to stop myself. I really really REALLY am-" I was cut off by a crying Natalia who had jumped out her clump and cuddled her head against the hollow of my neck. I smile down at her and hold the back of her head and cry into her hair. "I'm sorry Natalia I was an idiot. I love you. I love you so much please don't hate me. I wouldn't be able to live any more if I lost your love and I hate the fact that we are just a 'thing'. Natalia I want us to be real I want what we have to be real. So Natalia will you please be my girlfriend?" I feel her nod, 

"I love you too Josh... I don't hate you. I couldn't hate you, it's impossible for me to do such a thing. It's a thing that will NEVER EVER happen and I would be extremely happy to be yours....yours and only yours."  I realize what she was saying. She wasn't gonna do to me what I had done to her,

"I promise... I promise I will never ever be such an idiot again. I PROMISE" She nods her head like she understands. She doesn't understand how serious I am. I AM IN LOVE WITH HER. I am gonna keep my promise and help her NO matter what.....