Bar Boys - M2M Story [UNEDITED]

Bar Boys 9

Long update ahead! Hope you like it.

Bar Boys 9

It's been almost a week since I found out about mom and Juan Carlos Montemayor. I didn't know what to feel when I heard from mom that they are dating. To be honest, I just feel empty. I didn't get mad, angry, sad or being happy for mom. Wala akong maramdaman sa buong lumipas na isang linggo.

Tila hindi kinaya ng utak ko na ma-process ang lahat.

Sa buong linggong lumipas ay hindi ako nagkaroon ng interaksyon kanino man. I was barely doing anything, like I lost my energy for things.

I even stood Rafael up sa plano naming pagkikita at 'pagu-usap'. Ang usapan ay sa Quest kami magkikita ngunit hindi ako nag-serve noong gabing iyon kaya't hindi kami nagkausap at nagkita. I just spent the night reading his messages asking why I didn't show up, am I mad at him, did he do something wrong. And all the usual text messages from Rafael. I wasn't planning to respond to his text messages until he said he's going to come at my house if I won't show up so I messaged him that I'm not feeling well so he didn't push through.

I interact less with mom as well. Raf also told her that I wasn't feeling well so she took a day off just to take care of me. Mabuti na lang ay nakumbinsi ko siya na ayos lang talaga ako, at nagpaalam na ring hindi muna ako masyadong magse-serve sa Quest which she agreed naman dahil iyon talaga ang gusto niya ever since. Ang hindi ubusin ang oras ko sa loob ng bar.

Paminsan-minsan lang ang pagpunta ka roon ngunit kapag nakitang bumisita si Rafael ay agad akong magpapaalam umuwi. That goes for the other days as well kaya't talagang wala kaming interaksyon. Sinisigurado ko talagang hindi niya ako mapapansin.

Hindi ko rin ma-open up kay mama ang gusto kong sabihin. Hinayaan ko na lamang ang sarili kong lamunin ng sariling pagiisip to realize and reflect from everything. But I know that sooner in time, kakausapin ko si mama about it.

There are actually two things that I keep on thinking for the past days: first is to let mom be happy with her love life and totally give up everything between me and Rafael or the second is to do the other way around.

Thinking about it, mom already spent most of her time taking care of me. Simula pagkabata ko'y hindi na siya tumatanggap ng kung sinu-sinong manliligaw dahil ako ang priority nya. Kahit alam ko namang mayroon na siyang pangilan-ngilan na natitipuhan. Pero now that I'm all grown up, pwedeng pwede na.

Sinakripisyo niya ang buhay niya sa pagiging ina sa akin. Pero ngayong kaya ko na, siguro'y deserve nya namang piliin ang gusto para sa kaniyang sarili.

Isa pa, why do I keep thinking about Rafael. About us? Kung makapag-isip ako'y akala mo'y may namamagitan nga sa amin. Mae-engage na ang tao at ito ako, hinahayaan siyang guluhin ang pag-iisip ko when I could just easily give it up for the sake of mom.

Kung titimbangin ay mas matimbang talaga ang pagbigyan si mama sa nabubuo nilang pag-ibig ng senyor, pero may kung ano sa loob ko na ayaw sumang-ayon doon. Hindi ko lamang ito matukoy.

Linggo na ngayon at kinabukasan na ang unang araw ng college life ko.

Sa ilang araw na pag-iisip, everything is slowly sinking to me. Realizations pierced right through me as if they're all daggers that are killing me, my soul and my heart slowly. Making me confuse about everything.

Na it makes me realized na sobrang lalim na pala ng pagtingin ko para kay Rafael na I could sacrifice everything just to be with him... I know how it sounds insane. But that's how I'm seeing myself.

The only thought that is making me stay sane is that I have no chance at Raf. He's marrying Veronica and there's really not much bond between us, but friendship.