*Slight trigger warning*
Show five: Long Island, NY
"Stop making out" Dinah yells at us loudly and Ariana and I look up from our close position on the floor with amused grins covering our faces.
"We're not making out she took my fricken phone!" Ariana squeals and slaps me, trying to pry her phone from my hands with a pout.
I just shake my head at her because there is no way she is getting it back.
Well at least not until I do what she has been wanting to do since Miami.
Pushing Ariana off of me, I sit on top of her before typing out a message quickly before releasing her.
To Vero-
Vero, would you do me the honour of going out on a date with me?
-Ari xox
I smirk and throw the phone back at her and she gasps, sending me what I think is supposed to be a glare.
"MILS!" She says and dives at me, tackling me to the ground and punching my shoulder repeatedly. I laugh to myself because Sofi's punches are harder than hers.
Dinah is sat watching us with a frown, not having any idea what is happening between the two of us.
"ARI LOVES VERO" I scream and Ariana blushes before rolling off of my body, giggling awkwardly.
Dinah squeals and comes over to us, sitting on the floor also.
She raises her eyebrow. "So I couldn't do our date because Lauren so I introduced Ari to Vero because she's been trying get Lauren to admit her feelings for me" I explain to her.
Ariana continues to blush. "Awww dawg that is so cute" Dinah pokes Ariana's dimples and chuckles. "You haven't spoken to Lauren?" She asks and my eyes tear up instantly.
I haven't spoken to Lauren since Miami and I miss her so much. My body has an added weight to it and I constantly feel a pain in my chest.
I shake my head at Dinah. "No, Vero hasn't got anything yet. It hurts D...it hurts so much" I let myself cry, throwing my trembling body at Dinah.
Dinah holds me in her arms as I sob and Ariana rubs my back soothingly.
"Its okay Mils...come on babe don't cry beautiful" Ariana pleads me softly and I sniffle loudly trying to hold back more sobs from inside.
Dinah pulls me closer to her when the door opens and I freeze at the sound.
Please don't be Lauren, please don't be Lauren.
"Mila?" Oh thank God Normani.
I look up at the girl with blurred eyes and she also drops down on the floor beside the three of us.
She takes my hand in hers. "L-Laur-.... I miss her so -so much" I stutter and grip her hand tighter.
I feel as though I have cried enough over this but the tears are seemingly endless and run down my cheeks continuously. My heart feels completely shattered at all times and it is exhausting having to constantly put on a brave face for everybody.
Not only do I feel like I have lost the person that I love, but I have also lost my best friend and the one person that makes me safe just by being in her presence.
"I know Mila... She misses you too" Normani says and moves the hair from my eyes since it is sticking to the wet tears underneath them.
I hiccup and sob quietly. "I feel lost, empty and like the past year and so haven't even happened. My mind has gone to how I was before I met her" I blurt out and I see them share looks.
You see, before the x factor my life was just a complete nightmare.
I constantly felt as though I meant nothing to everybody and that I was just a worthless human. I was bullied everyday, called names and even beat up sometimes if it was that bad.
Having to deal with all the bullying on top of my insecurity was unbearable and after a while I couldn't handle it.
I began to self harm pretty badly and one time even attempted ending my own when things got worse.
Once I met Lauren though she showed me just how much I am worth the life I was given and I haven't cut since then. But now, I don't have Lauren to remind me of the things she used to and it is getting harder.
The only people that know about the cutting and my traumatic past are the girls and Ariana.
"H-Have you?..." Dinah asks softly and I bite my lip, contemplating weather or not to tell her. I shake my head but obviously not convincingly enough because she stares at me.
Avoiding her gaze, I look down to the floor and sniffle once again.
"Camila...babe, let us see honey" Ariana takes my tiny shaky hands in hers and Normani rolls up my sleeves gently as to not cause me pain.
They all gasp and I flinch because I fucking hate that sound.
"I'm sorry" I mumble and try to pull my arms away from them self-consciously because all three of them are staring at the fresh cuts.
My eyes lift and I see that they each have tears coming from their eyes.
Why are they crying?
"Mil-Mila... These are fucking deep" Normani says quietly.
I gulp and hiss when she runs her thumb across them, causing a few to open up and start bleeding.
"Camila we need to take you to a hospital because these are really deep and you may need stitches" Ariana says softly, wiping at her eyes and then kissing my cheeks.
I look down again because I know that I have disappointed them...once again. God, I can't do anything without upsetting somebody.
"Hey...we're going to get you help ok Mils?"
I nod my head and let my mind wonder once again.
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