Lay A Glance On Me 1 (Lost and Retained #2)

Kabanata 1

Kabanata 1

Transfer

''Are you sure you're going to transfer, Lucy?'' Daddy asked. 

Liana sent me a message days ago saying that she will transfer school and shift course. As her friend, I have also decided to follow her. Sinabi niya kung anong university at course kaya susundan ko siya. 

Stupid as it may sound but it's true.

I have grown dependent to Liana. She's always been there for me that's why I'm also making sure that I'll be where she is. I'm very aware that the decision we have made should be taken seriously. 

Kaya lang.. hindi ko talaga alam kung anong gusto ko. I grew up not knowing what I want in life. Hindi ko alam kung ano bang gusto ko sa buhay. Hindi ko alam kung ano bang trabaho ang makakapagbigay sa akin ng satisfaction. Hindi ko rin alam kung tama ba ang mga desisyon ko sa buhay. Katulad ng paglipat.. dahil sinusundan ko lang naman ang kaibigan ko.

Lumaki ako na halos lahat ng gusto ko ay binibigay sa akin. My Mom died when she gave birth to me kaya't wala akong kinalakihan na Mommy. Kaya si Daddy at dalawang Kuya ko na lang ang nandyan para sa akin. Kuya Roman is a law student while Kuya Ismael is a graduating architecture student. 

Lahat sila ay may pagkakatulad at iyon ay alam nila ang gusto sa buhay. They grew up certain with the choices they will make. Habang ako, sinusundan lang kung ano bang ginagawa ng mga tao sa paligid ko.

All of them made sure that they are giving me the material things I want while growing up in order to fill the gap my Mom failed to give. Hindi naman kasalanan ni Mommy iyon dahil maaga siyang nawala. The people who are with me did not fail to take care of me, anyway. Kaya masaya ako kahit papaano kung nasaan ako.

''Yes, Dad,'' sagot ko at kinain ang tiramisu sa plato ko.

My father, Kuya Ismael, and I are the only people in the dining table. Nasa kwarto si Kuya Roman dahil nagbabasa ng readings niya. 

''You have to make sure that it's the path you want to take, Lucy,'' Kuya Ismael reminded me.

Tumango ako. ''Y-yes. Don't worry. Final na po 'yan. I also want to be with Lia so..'' I hang my words.

That's a lie. I'm not even sure where this path will lead me. Hindi ko naman kasi talaga gusto ang kursong iyon. Even my previous course isn't what I wanted. Hindi ko talaga alam kung anong gusto ko kaya't nagpapatianod na lang ako.

There are days that I wish I am as certain as other people. Sana ay katulad nila, sana ay sigurado rin ako sa lahat. I wish my actions aren't half heartedly made. Sana ay mas sigurado ako para hindi ako palaging nag-iisip sa mga desisyon ko.

''Just tell us if you need anything, okay? How's Lia, by the way?'' si Kuya Ismael iyon.

I told him how Lia's going. Pagkatapos no'n ay patuloy na kaming kumain.

When the dinner ended, I went to my room to take a rest. Hihintayin ko na lang ang email ng school para makuha ko na ang schedule ko.

After a few days, I received an email saying I'm qualified for the Political Science department in the university I will transfer in. Before I could send Lia a message, she sent me one first saying that she also passed.

Halos sumigaw ako sa galak dahil sabay kaming papasok do'n. I knew we're going to be together. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupulitin kung wala akong katabi o karamay sa mga desisyon ko. Ang saya-saya talaga na naging kaibigan ko si Liana. She's quiet but if she becomes comfortable to people, you won't see her towering walls anymore.