Be The Bride

IKA-KAWHAAN

ANSWER..

Hindi ko na binisita si Khy ulit sa hospital. Pero rinig ko na nakalabas na siya ng hospital. I don’t want to see him. I don’t want to hear him breathe. Because I’ll be confuse again. And I don’t want that to happen.

Nagtaxi ako pauwi ng apartment.

At paglabas ko ng taxi, napahinto ako. Because there, infront of the building where my apartment is located, is Khy, standing in his ripped faded jeans and a v-neck white shirt.

He looked like a model, d*mn it!

Nagkatinginan kami.

I literally stopped breathing.

And one thing is just on my mind right now.

Hugging him.

I miss him for like God knows how much. And seeing him standing infront of my eyes right now, is making the butterflies in my stomach go crazy.

Naglakad siya papalapit sa akin.

“I came here to get your answer," he plainly said.

“Of what?”

“Of my confession.”

“That wasn’t a confession. That was a total nonsense," sabi ko at nilagpasan na siya.

But then, he grabbed my arm. And God knows how that skin contact made my knees weak.

“Be it a confession or a nonsense, I want your answer.”

Hinigit niya bigla ang kamay ko kaya napalapit ako sa kanya.

Sh*t I can smell his perfume. Ang bango shet.

“Let go then," sabi ko referring to my arm na hawak niya.

“Ayoko,” he said sternly.

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin.

“Don’t look at me like that," sabi niya.

“And why?”

“Because it makes me wanna kiss you.”

Napalunok ako.

“Heck, I wanna kiss you,” he said then he grab my neck and kiss me.

For a moment I was ecstatic. Wala akong ibang maisip kundi siya. I can’t think of anything else but the feel of his lips on mine.

But reality strucked me like a bolt of thunder.

Tinulak ko siya and I gave him a slap.

“You want my answer?” I said. “You don’t deserve an answer Khy. Be a man. You’re engaged, and what the hell are you doing right now? Are you crazy?!”

“Oo, baliw na ako. Pero mahal talaga kita Emily.”

Oh f*ck..

“I left you five years ago. You should’ve forget me!”

“I did! I tried! That’s why I met many girls! That’s why I decided to marry Klara! Kasi akala ko, okay na ako. Akala ko, nakalimutan na kita. Akala ko, hindi na ikaw. But then, one day, I suddenly met you as my wedding maker. And all these feelings, na akala ko hindi ko na mararamdaman ulit, ay bumalik lahat the moment I saw you!’

Nanginginig ang mga tuhod ko sa mga naririnig ko.

“What am I supposed to do Emi? When the woman I dreamed of marrying, left me, to chase her dreams. You left me, and said you will not marry me. You told me, to find another girl to love. I did! I tried hard to find one! Pero kasi hindi sila ikaw.”

“Khy..”

“You gave me up for your dreams. Inintindi ko yun, because you’re more important to me, than my want to be with you. I gave up my own happiness of marrying you, to make you happy. And now, I feel like I want to give up on my wedding for you. How can you-- I don’t know why I love you this much. I love you like hell, that I’m willing to give up everything for you.”

“Please don’t. Don’t hurt anyone, by trying to mend things that were long been broken. Wala na tayo,” as I said that, I saw tears flowing down on his cheeks.

Khyree Jared is crying infront of me.

“Please don’t say that. I can throw anything, everything.. just please love me ba--”

“Khy, don’t. Please.. let’s not do this. Masasaktan si Klara, masasaktan si Randolf.”

“I want to be a husband Emi. Not just anyone’s but your husband. I want to be a father of your child. I want you as my wife.”

Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko.

He looks so desperate. This is the second time na nakita ko siyang ganito. The first time, is five years ago, when I broke up with him, para pumunta ng UK, para sa pangarap kong magtayo ng sariling kompanya.

It’s true. I left him for my dreams. I told him to find another girl, and that I will not marry him. And I broke up with him kahit mahal ko siya.

That’s because I don’t want him to suffer alone. Ayokong andito siya, inaantay ako. Ayokong magkalabuan kami, at ma-fall out sa isa’t isa dahil LDR. I left him, because I believed that we were meant to be. Na magkikita kami ulit, magiging kami ulit.

But I guess the universe has different plans. Because I did met him again, but he is getting married.

“Please Khy, don’t do this..”

“Just tell me, look into my eyes and tell me the truth," he said intently.

At alam ko na kung ano ang itatanong niya.

“Do you still love me?”

Nanghina ang mga tuhod ko. Tama nga ako. Eto yung tanong na gusto kong iwasan talaga.

“I won’t give you the answer that you want, I said.

Bumagsak ang mga balikat niya sa narinig niya.

“Go home Khy," cold kong sabi.

He sighed, at maya-maya ay pumasok na siya sa kotse niya at nagdrive paalis. And my tears automatically fell. Nasasaktan ako sobra dahil may nasasaktan sa nararamdaman namin.

We love each other, but we can’t love each other.

How painful.