***DUFF***
I haven't been out my room in days...ashamed and fucking depressed. I heard Nikki came out of rehab a few days ago....and yes the thought of busting his ass did come to my head quite a couple of times...but I'm losing motivation for everything. I feel like I haven't been fully sober in a while...just half sober at all times...maybe this is just how I'm gonna be from now on, I left my window open...hey at least I can see the stars....sleep sounds nice but I'm too lazy to even do that...
Lights in the house are dimmed in the house, everyone asleep. I stalked the halls like a fucking ghost as I drank and drank. Past a certain point I had stopped going up and down the stairs cause I'm positive I would fall down or stumble and crack my scull or something. So I just went up and down the hallway upstairs, Axl's snoring more vocal then his moaning, everyone else dead silent asleep. I saw Darcie's door cracked open...I just wanna see her. I lean in between the doorway, I couldn't se what her room looked like, it was too dark. She hugged onto her silk pillows tight, though I was zoning in and out, I payed attention to her. She sobbed quietly into the pillow she clung onto, oh no, no. I couldn't tell if she was awake or dreaming, she grew louder but more muffled, I quickly slid myself in the bed beside her, she sat up slightly on the bed, both of us wasted no time in clinging on to each other for dear life. It was almost something that didn't need to be spoken we could wanna kill each other and rip each other's throats out and we would still be like this.
I stroked her bare arm with my thumb gently, her head snuggled into my chest. I kissed her head, the scent of her hair full of rose and strawberries and hairspray chemicals, it was quiet so quiet I don't even think I heard crickets, just her breathing, sweet Dar...I sigh as I pick up the bottle again and bring it to my lips making sure the glass isn't near her head.I gently placed her head back on the pillow, I opened the drawer on the table and took out her walkman, I checked to see if there was already a tape inside. I smile at her sleeping face as I make the sure the volume isn't too loud and the music slowly starts and plays lowly. I move the hair out her face and kiss her forehead, I look back one more time before closing the door, seeing a shadow nearby but quickly noticing the outlines of the puff ball "Jesus Christ dude" I say as I walk past him and head to my room. "what happened?" he asked in a tired voice. "nothing happened man"
"you were in her room" he said, "yeah man" I ran a hand through my hair, my hand still on the doorknob, I just wanna go to sleep..."she was just upset alright" my voice croaks, I went to bed knowing the massive hangover that awaited me but every second wasted on even trying to fall asleep was spent thinking about Darcellyn and us...if there is an us will there ever be?
