Royal War: Sequel to Royal Secret

Chapter 38

I gripped the sides of the sink breathing in and out deeply trying to calm my mind.  I had to get myself together.  This was no time to wallow in my misery at the loss of my Uncle Thadius, Thadius.  I let go of the sink staring at my hands that shook with the memory of killing Thadius. I squeezed my eyes closed shutting out the image of the last breathe Thadius took as he and King Kristoff fell to their death at my hands.

A quick succession of knocks rattles the bathroom door.  “Celina, open up.”  Trevor’s worried voice penetrated my thoughts of guilt. I need a couple of more seconds before I could pull myself together.  I needed to push the thoughts of what I did to Thadius to the back of my mind.  It was necessary to put an end of the suffering to my people; I had no choice I had to kill King Kristoff. Thadius knew it and I knew it.  If Thadius was here right now, he would tell me to put my personal drama aside and be the queen that my people needed. I remember his words from long ago that a queen cannot be seen crying in front of her people.  She can’t show any signs of weakness that may be seen as opportunity to be taken advantage of.  I have to be a strong leader to take on the sorrows of those under my care and guide them.  My sorrows will have to be done in private. 

“I’ll be out in a sec.” My voice wavered a little. 

“Open the door.” Trevor commanded.

Sighing because I knew Trevor was not going to take my stalling tactic for much longer.  I wiped the tears from my cheeks before opening the door. Trevor steps in quickly and shuts the door.

“It’s okay to cry.”

“I can’t I don’t have time for it right now.  I need to get out there with Korin.”

“Korin has it under control.  Let it out, Celina.  I feel it; you need to release your anguish.”

“Trevor, I’m the queen, I can’t cry right now.  I can’t show weakness.”

“Stop it, we have all lost something.  Your tears are not weakness, it shows that you have a heart and have lost just like those who you will lead.” I shook my head at his words as he gathered me into his chest.  “You lost Thadius.”

“No, I killed him!” My heart leapt into my throat and I let go of all my pent up of feelings and sobbed in Trevor’s arms. Trevor held me in his comforting arms for several minutes until I was drained dried.  I felt exhausted and emptied but somehow refreshed.

“You ready?”

“Yes. Thank you Trevor.”

“It is okay for people to see this side of you, Celina, it doesn’t make you weak.”

I turned away from him and turned on the water splashing my face with water. “I don’t have to time to show people my pain.  My pain is not greater than theirs.  We have all suffered at the hands of Kristoff.  What people need now is not my tears but hope.  Hope that we can finally go back to living a life of peace and rebuild our families.”

“I agree, the people also need to see your compassion and understanding of the meaning of lost.”

“I can do that.”

“Then let’s go give the people what they need.”

We left the shelter of the building heading towards Korin and the others. Outside was a buzz of activity with people bowing their heads at us as they moved with a purpose. People were gathering the bodies of those who had fallen during the battle.  I spotted Korin talking with some of the Alphas and Royals.

Korin turned his head in my direction reaching out toward me.  I quicken my pace placing my outstretched hand into his.  Are you okay?