Exposed Truth | Jeon Jungkook

Chapter 5

Nari || Sunday, June 7

Jungkook tells me about his exchange with Jennie and I'm not shocked, just disappointed. Yet at the same time, I kind of expected her to behave in this way. I've never really trusted her. Before Yuri started dating Jungkook, Jennie tried to kiss him even though she knew her best friend had feelings for him. Yuri and Jennie were complete opposites, I don't know how they managed to become best friends. Yuri was always so kind and loving; she was the kind of person who would do anything to make someone happy, but Jennie is so selfish and egotistic. I don't think she ever cared about my sister or anyone else's feelings. If she did, then why wasn't she upset about my sister's passing and why isn't she willing to help find out the truth behind what happened?

"I think she's hiding something," Jungkook says with a frown on his face.

The two of us are sitting on the sofa as Jungkook scrolls through his messages with Jennie.

I nod in agreement, "I have a feeling that she's keeping something from us too. We should do something about it."

I stand up from the linen sofa, but Jungkook pulls me back down to sit, "No, we shouldn't act on it yet."

"But..." I refute and he shakes his head.

"It's not the right time yet," he reasons.

"Let's just go find Jennie at the cafe she works at," I persist.

Why isn't Jungkook willing to just do something and go outside to do some investigation on Yuri's death? I'm so desperate to find out what happened, but he seems so laidback.

"Please, Nari..." he begs. "Just give me some time, I need a break before I can do anything. We both need to relax and get our feelings straight before we can do anything rationally. We can't let our emotions drive us."

I know he's right, but I just can't sit still. I need to see Jennie and make her tell us everything that might help us.

Jungkook must've seen my distressed and worn out expression as I sigh and shut my eyes. He wraps his arm around my shoulders and I intuitively lay my head on his shoulder.

"It'll be okay," Jungkook whispers softly. "We'll be able to find out the truth eventually. We just need to wait for a little longer until our hearts are strong enough to overcome the pain."

I nod and we lean against the back of the sofa in silence. I let myself be comfortable in his embrace without feeling awkward about the two of us being so close after I almost kissed him yesterday. I don't know why I did that. It was so foolish of me, I should've known he would push me away and I'm glad that he did. If he didn't, I don't know how I'll ever be able to face him again. I can't lose him too. Yet, a part of me wished that he would just give in and let our lips touch. I wanted to get lost in the moment; I needed that to forget about being so hurt because of Yuri's death. I know I'm being selfish, but I just wanted something that will make me momentarily forget about her.

"I'm sorry..." I suddenly mutter and Jungkook sits up to look at me.

My eyes begin to water as we look into each other's eyes. He looks surprised, but his gaze soon softens as he wipes the tears away from my eyes with his finger tips. I don't know why, but I just can't stop the tears from trickling down my cheeks. I just can't help but feel so upset and guilty. I feel so guilty at my sister and my parents and Jungkook.

"What's wrong?" Jungkook asks gently as he smiles warmly at me.

I shake my head and sniffle, "I just feel so... guilty... and scared."

"Tell me," he says and I look away from him and stare at the family photos on the wall behind him.

I want to tell him everything I'm feeling and I want to just ramble on and on about whatever thoughts I have locked up in my mind, but I just don't have the courage to. I don't want to burden him or overwhelm him any more than I already have. He's hurting just as much as I am. He deserves a break.

"You should go home," I say as tears fall from my eyes. "I'm a mess right now and it's not your responsibility to look after me just because I'm your girlfriend's little sister. I don't want to burden you. I don't want to be so selfish any more."

Jungkook reaches out to hug me and shushes me as he brushes his fingers through my dark hair.

"You're not a burden and you're not being selfish," Jungkook says gently. "I want to be here with you. I'm not going to leave you here alone to wallow in your tears. We're going to weep together and we're going to overcome the suffering together too. I'm not going anywhere."

I nod slowly and the way he said that makes my heart race; his tender touch as he soothes me not helping to calm my heartbeat at all, but I still manage to relax in his hold.

"I feel so guilty and responsible," I tell him. "I feel like it's my fault that Yuri is dead. If I just wasn't so selfish and actually get to know her, maybe she wouldn't have died. I shouldn't have bothered her with my problems and instead let her tell me whatever is troubling her."

"And I shouldn't have been so ignorant and misunderstanding towards my parents when I know that it must be extremely hard for them to lose Yuri. I should've been kinder with my words. Now, I feel so alone... and so sorry towards them..." I admit to Jungkook and sob into his shoulder as he caresses my back.

"You're not alone," Jungkook says and releases me from his hold so we're looking at each other. "I'm sure your parents will forgive you and I'm sure they won't blame you for anything you said. They're just hurt about Yuri's passing. And besides, how can you be alone when you have me?"

I chuckle lightly and he grins back at me, oblivious to how his sweet, supportive words make me feel.

"Also, you shouldn't blame yourself for Yuri's death, nobody saw it coming," Jungkook continues to say. "It's not your fault."

"But what if it is?" I protest. "What if..."

"Stop thinking about what-ifs," Jungkook sighs. "What happened has already happened, we can't do anything to turn back time. But what we can do is to keep our emotions under control so we can discover the truth."

I know that I should stop hurting myself by blaming myself for my sister's death, but what if it really is all my fault? I should've listened to her more; I should've been more observant, then maybe I would be able to find out what she wants to free herself from and maybe she wouldn't have died.

We stay on the sofa and watch TV for the rest of the day to distract ourselves. I force myself to focus on the screen before us and I manage to get my mind off Yuri. I stop thinking about what-ifs and I stop feeling guilty. All my attention is on the movie playing on the TV. But the movie soon comes to an end, and Jungkook goes to the kitchen to make some food for us to eat. I'm left alone in the peaceful living room as my thoughts begin to spiral once again. Yet, I'm not thinking about Yuri, I'm thinking about Jungkook. I stare at his back as he grabs two packs of ramen from the cabinet above the sink and fills up a pot with water and sets it on the stove. I watch as he tears open the ramen packs and places the noodles into the pot of boiling water. I don't stop looking at him even after he finishes cooking and places two bowls of steaming ramen on the dining table.

He ushers me to come over and I take a seat opposite him. He picks up his chopsticks and begins to eat, but I still can't tear my gaze away from him. My heartbeat quickens when he looks up at me with those beautiful doe eyes.

"What's wrong?" he says with slight concern in his tone.

"Nothing," I insist and look down at my bowl of noodles as I feel my cheeks blush.

"Is something bothering you?" Jungkook asks. "Is this about Yuri? You don't need to..."

"I'm fine," I interrupt him. "It's nothing."

I don't know why I'm feeling this way; I don't know why I can't stop thinking about our almost-kiss last night. I'm sure he's aware of the small crush I have always had on him, but I don't think he knows how much the comforting words he said to me that night and this morning means to me. I'm starting to like him even more. There's so much kindness in his expression that I can feel my heart thudding in my chest. I don't think he's aware of how the way he's looking at me right now makes me feel.

"I like you, Jungkook," I splutter without being conscious of the words that just came out of my mouth.

The metal chopsticks in Jungkook's hand falls on the table with a clang as he looks at me with wide eyes. I instantly inhale deeply and curse when I realise I said that out loud. Why did I say that?!