Exposed Truth | Jeon Jungkook

Chapter 11

Jungkook || Friday, June 12 (present)

I don't know what I had expected, but this was definitely not what I had in mind. Why would Yuri work for a gang leader and not even tell me? It doesn't make any sense... Why would she hide something like this from me? Did the boss tell her to keep everything a secret? My thoughts are a jumbled mess. This is all so unusual and shocking. I don't know what to do next. If only Yuri told us everything, then things would be so much easier... and maybe she wouldn't have died. I wish she was here.

My heart ached when Yeji told us about Yuri and the boss of the nightclub. I wonder if he ever hurt her, or if he ever touched her in a way that made her uncomfortable? I wonder why it had to be her out of all the people who could've worked for him? Why her and Jennie?

I face the sky and exhale a breath I didn't know I was holding as I calm myself by closing my eyes momentarily. I sense Nari move closer to me and she grasps onto my hand. Her hand feel so soft as she gently squeezes mine.

But I still feel so lost in my thoughts. I feel despair and guilt. I'm leading Nari on when I obviously still love Yuri and I know it'll be a while until I finally let go of her. It's like lightning struck me and I suddenly realise that I'm only using Nari to cope from the pain of losing Yuri and losing her love. I'm using Nari to make myself feel better and to make myself feel less lonely. I'm using her to become happier. Is that really love? I honestly don't know. All I know is that I don't want to hurt her. We've known each other since we were kids and I've always treated her as a little sister... but things have changed now. I don't know if the love I feel for her is of an elder brother loving his younger sister, or of a boyfriend loving his girlfriend. I can't seem to tell the difference. I wish someone would just tell me, so I don't need to be so confused. I don't know if I can give Nari what she wants.

"I'm sorry," I mutter suddenly and open my eyes to look at Nari.

She looks at me in confusion. She looks even more puzzled when I let go of her hand and give her a sad smile.

"I'm sorry," I repeat and turn so I'm standing in front of her and we're looking directly at each other.

"What are you sorry for?" she asks and her eyes roam my face as she tries to read my expression.

I sigh and rub the back of my neck, "Maybe we should take a break from each other."

She frowns and says quietly, "Why? What's wrong?"

"I... I just... I..." I begin to say as I think about the best way to tell Nari how I'm feeling. "I'm a mess and everything is just so... confusing. I know that it's only day one of searching, but there's already so much information to take in. I need time to gather my thoughts. Not just the thoughts from what Yeji told us... but also the thoughts on my feelings for you."

I gulp nervously, hoping that she would understand. Her confused gaze softens as she looks at me, but she remains quiet as she stares into my eyes, as if she's looking through me and into my soul. It's as if she's trying to read my emotions and understand me.

"I'm sorry... I know I told you that I have feelings for you and I told you that I like you. I even kissed you..." I continue to say and Nari just looks at me silently. "I was so sure that I like you and I thought that we could be something more than just friends... but maybe the feelings I have for you are only the feelings of love and care between a brother and sister. Just give me some more time, okay?"

I try to read the expression of the girl before me, but she doesn't say anything. She only nods slowly and gives me a small smile.

"Okay," she whispers.