Exposed Truth | Jeon Jungkook

Chapter 16

Nari || Tuesday, June 16

I can't stop smiling, ever since this morning when Jungkook sneaked out of his room to accompany me. I feel so light-hearted and relaxed by his presence, yet he doesn't seem to feel the same way, as he tensely sits on a chair by my bed and plays with my fingers, but never meets my eyes. We remain in silence, until he sighs and looks up at me with a solemn expression.

"What's wrong?" I ask with concern; a smile still obliviously plastered on my face.

"I'm sorry... I..." Jungkook begins to say and lets go of my hands.

"I already told you to stop apologising to me," I interrupt him, thinking that he's going to apologise for not being able to protect me when the building was on fire. "It's not your..."

"It was a mistake," he says abruptly and I frown, confused as to what he means.

"I shouldn't have kissed you yesterday," he says quietly with his head hung low.

The smile on my face drops quickly. I look away from him and sigh. I close my eyes to calm myself, but the frustration and dejection still surface. Why does he keep kissing me if he's only going to apologise about it afterwards? Why can't he be sure about how he feels before kissing me? But I suppose it was my fault too, I shouldn't have kissed him back yesterday without being sure that he actually wants to return my feelings I have for him. Yet, I can't help but feel so angry at him. Angry that he keeps playing with my feelings and breaking my heart.

I understand that it hasn't been long since my sister left us, and that he still loves and misses her. I'm not mad at him for that because I lost her too and I understand how he must feel. Even though I've come to terms that nothing I do can bring her back to this world, I still miss her, so I'm not mad at him for missing her. I just wish that he would be sure that he likes me before kissing me. All I want is for him to be sure of his feelings before starting anything with me. I'm willing to wait for him, no matter how long it takes for him to be ready.

"It's just after all those emotions yesterday, I couldn't help it..." he begins to explain to me. "I know I should've been rational about it and thought about the consequences, but I was just so in the moment, that I forgot about everything. I just wanted to kiss you. I couldn't resist the feeling of being close to you. You make me feel so warm and I feel comfortable around you."

"But now you've hurt me," I mutter with slight frustration laced in my voice as I glance at him sideways and notice his teary eyes.

The rage in me rises when I see him behave so heartbroken when it should be me who's feeling that way. I should've seen this coming, this wasn't the first time he's kissed me and regretted it. I should've known better than to kiss him back, but I too wanted so badly to feel his lips on mine.

"I know... and I'm sorry. It was wrong to do that and I shouldn't have acted so impulsively," he continues to say. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry... I was just so upset with myself for failing to protect you and I was so worried about you yesterday, there was just too many feelings, that I..."

I shut my eyes and sigh. I suddenly feel as if I have a headache. I don't want to listen to him anymore. I just want to be left in peace, but he keeps talking and trying to explain his impulsive action. I felt so happy when he kissed me, and I thought that it meant that he was ready to move on from my sister. I guess I was wrong. Now, I feel upset and used. It seems that he only kissed me because it was a spur-of-the-moment thing, and not because he feels attracted to me.

"Leave," I interrupt him, but he only looks puzzled and remains seated, so I repeat with my volume raised, "I said leave."

"I'm sorry..." he says with sorrow in his voice and stands up from the chair to leave the room.