Green Hearts

Chapter 47

From: Bruce Dawson

Subject: Regrets…..

Date: June 10, 2019, 08:05

To: Autumn Dawson

…..it felt like a cage where my heart was trapped from the day I first fell for her and even when I noticed that she loved someone new, but I did try to ignore it all in hopes that she’d meet me in the middle again.

My hopes fell flat after the accident that involved you two. I’d just discovered a few weeks prior to that that she’d been three months pregnant with someone else’s child. She and her child had surprisingly survived the accident, so she begged to go to her lover, and since I had an upcoming election, she decided to fake her death

I couldn’t hold her down, and believe me when I say I tried. I realised then that she no longer loved me and even after we’d gone through with the plan, my mind still couldn’t grasp losing her

Luckily, as you know, I found love again with Jack. I kept him from telling you any of this, and I know that that was the wrong choice to make. It's hard for me to tell if it was you I was protecting or myself

I never meant to hurt you, my baby girl. I love you with everything I’ve got and wish, even though farfetched that you would understand me.

***

I’m probably supposed to feel uncomfortable with three pairs of eyes staring unblinkingly at me, but I just feel tired, my eyes drooping and stealthily losing the image of their faces every time I blink longer than usual

“Honey, let me cook for you. You don’t look well. There’s something my people call white soup; it's great for when you're feeling down…..” Jenny goes on while Soma nods from beside her in all earnestness and I roll my eyes all around in my head

“Jen” I reach out and hold her two hands which she was gesticulating elaborately with and bring them to my lips, placing a feathery kiss on them “I’ll be fine” I see her through my lashes and smile reassuringly

She sighs and touches my head with hers while Soma wraps us both in her arms “You deserve so much more” her voice breaks off a bit, and I notice the single tear that falls in the space between us, so I try my hardest to keep my waterworks in check. I am tired of crying
She would never leave if she sees me crying

I am tired of crying. I’d been thrashing around and yelling for two days after I’d finally convinced Muna and Jace to give me some space. My throat hurts, and I’m tired, but all those do nothing to distract me from the fact that I don’t know what to think of my parents right now

When I’m finally able to pry myself out their embrace, I pull Muna who has been mindlessly laying on her bed aside

“I need these dudes out,” I tell her and she looks at me confused

“Which dudes?” she asks

“Dorothy and Toto,” I say in a sarcastic tone “Which other dudes?”

“Ohh” her eyes open in realisation

“Can you please get them going now? I don’t need this crowd, though with good intentions, right now” I sigh

“They came here of their own volition and will leave on their own?” Muna shrugs

“I’ll send Melissa that picture I took of you sleeping like the cow you are those months ago” I deadpan, but she throws me a bored look

“Girl please,” she says

“Or I could just show it your mum here, you know she will never let it slide” this time she reacts with wide eyes and raises her hands in surrender before turning to her mother and sister