Green Hearts

Chapter 49

My feet are moving before my brain can catch up with what's going on. It's not until the doorbell resounds that it snaps me out of my thinking and into reality

I realise where I am; I'd thought it but didn't actually expect to find myself here

At any other day and time, I would have made a quick escape from my current spot on this unfamiliar but very homely porch

The door cracks open with a bit of uncertainty and the face I see nearly heals my broken heart. Her eyes widen at seeing me and the door comes undone, revealing her form

We stare at each other a while before tears begin to spill from my eyes again and her arms immediately come around me, her face buried in my clothes 

I don't know what else to do so I just stand there crying 

"I'm so sorry" I can hear myself say but I'm not sure what for; for arriving at her doorstep in a soaked mess and unannounced or because when I'm sure she needed me as her big sister and friend, I didn't show up

"Paris?" I hear our mother's voice and we both look up to find her watching us. She looked alarmed at first but that soon changed when she saw my face "Come on in"

Her voice is calm and her face is understanding like she already knows all that is going on. Like a mother would

I nod and wipe at the tears that stain my cheeks and follow Paris as she pulls me into the house behind her

My eyes follow and register everything I see, a force of habit maybe. It's not different than the porch; a homely warm place, though I feel I'll unexpectedly walk into their house someday and change the decor

A blanket settles on my shoulder and I smile in appreciation at mum as we walk into the living room

"Thanks for letting me in. I shouldn't have come unannounced" I say, settling into the couch with Paris who has refused to let go of my side. I smile and stroke her hair

"Don't bother, you're always welcome here" my mum says, her smile is warm "Think of this as home whenever you need it"

My eyes narrow at her statement and she laughs a little "Too soon?" She asks and I laugh

"Yeah"

We fall silent, all three of us. Paris snuggles further towards me and I wrap her in my arms

"Do you want to talk about it?" Mum's voice comes out quietly, and I look up to find her watching us with a gentle smile on her face. I can tell she is trying not to prob, but I'm not sure how to begin 

"I'm sure it has to do with Jace" Paris sits up and stares at me. I chuckle lightly and nod. She turns to mum "Jace is a chill guy she's been involved with for almost three months now and they keep having issues between them"

Mum nods in understanding "How bad did it get this time that it brought you running to me?" 

I laugh at myself and shake my head, my gaze falling to the fluffy rug in the middle of the room "Very bad"

I pause, wondering where to start and once again, I feel like crying. The tears are hot and blind my vision 

I feel her arms around my shoulder and I'm too weak to push her away because it feels like everything I ever thought it would be; my mother's warm hug

"Its okay, you don't have to talk right now" she says but I shake my head, it seems like my last plea to myself to be stronger so I attempt at wiping off my tears

"He uhm," I say and they both get off me to have a good look at my face when as I speak "Everything we had between us was a lie"

"How?" Paris interjects immediately

"Uhh he kind of appeared from nowhere and joined in the semester under the pretext of discovering more to life when he actually was just searching for insight for his book" I pause a while

"I found a copy of the published book in his house. It uhm had everything we ever did, my entire life and people in it" I can feel myself about to cry again and I try my best to choke it down

"There's should be an explanation for all this" my mother says breathlessly, even she is finding it hard to swallow "Did you let him explain himself?"

"What else is there to explain, mum? Its all right in front of me; he used me. And that's all there is to it" i choke at the end of my statement and start crying again

"Shhh" she cradles me in her arms again "Its going to be okay"

Paris mutter things against my skin and I can feel her entertaining the anger I'm too tired to exude

We stay that way for what probably feels like twenty minutes but neither of us is complaining or have to move till my phone starts ringing

I pull it out of the pocket of jeans and am greeted with an unknown number calling me "Hello?" 

"Hi. I have a breakfast package for a Miss Autumn Dawson, are you she?" The male voice says and I roll my eyes, ready to cut the call when Mum stops me

Dad really has to drop it

"Who's it?" Paris asks and I shake my head slightly as I speak

"Dad has a unique way of apologizing with breakfast packages and he's been pressing harder than usual because I haven't replied to his texts, emails or calls"

They stay silent a moment before mum speaks up "I'm the least deserving of forgiveness" she comes before us and cradles our faces in her palms "Yet here you two are, sitting and listening to me talk. You may not notice it but you are silently giving me a second chance, how much your father?"

I stay silent, staring into space because her voice resounds with some atom of understanding in my head but it doesn't get rid of the fact that he was close enough to tell me the truth yet he decided to let me hurt

"Are you still on the line? What should I do?" The voice comes through the phone

I think a moment before speaking "I won't be collecting that package" I pause and mum looks at me worried "But I've got another job for you; you'll deliver a message to the sender that we're coming home for dinner this weekend, my mum and I"

"Uhhmm" he contemplates 

"Send your account details to this number, I'll pay" I say and he responds immediately before cutting the call

I make decisions in my head as I stay wrapped in my family's embrace, for reasons I'm not sure of yet. I decide to stop letting anger consume me because it's a lonely and dark place

I decide to allow myself explore my fears and discover what it feels like to have a mother, a sister, and even i don't have Jace anymore, i want to discover a different kind of love

Everyone is afraid of the dark because they don't know what is lurking behind but let us venture into the unknown and discover