Catharsis

*10*

I ran to the riverbank as fast as I could. I felt ashamed of myself. All I wanted was to vanish.

I fell down with a thud, wrapping my legs with my arms and burying my face in my knees. Part of me was hoping Ha-Neul would come to my rescue again, but at the same time I wanted her to stay away as much as possible. I don't deserve anything, not even her pity. I let out small sobs. 

Little did I know that I wasn't alone. A pair of warm arms enveloped me in a tight embrace from behind. "It's ok, Hobi, let it all out." Hearing her soft voice I couldn't hold myself together  anymore and started crying loud, as if there was no tomorrow. She turned me around and I wept hard in her lap, while her small hands were caressing my hair. It felt so painful, but so peaceful at the same time.

I felt like I cried for hours, my tears never ending. Ha-Neul stood silent but her hands never took a break from comforting me. When I knew the flood was coming to an end I lifted my eyes to look at my guardian angel. She gently cupped my face and wiped away the tears with both of her thumbs, smiling.

"You could have kissed me, you know?" she said out of nowhere, but I wasn't that surprised anymore. I knew she was just teasing, trying to distract me and relax the atmosphere.

I kept silent and I moved closer to her face, watching her cheeks blush and her body leaning backwards,  startled. I whispered, my voice still hoarse from crying "I know, but it's not something that we need. Maybe for others it would be just a kiss, with no special meaning, but for us it would be different. We're too broken to play with each other like that."

"Pffft, why so serious?" she laughed and ruffled my hair, but I could see it in her eyes that she agrees with me.

"Do you love yourself?" I asked suddenly. 

"No, and I never did. But I am still doing my best to enjoy life. Even if I am living more for others than for myself, I am happy. It's such a shame wasting your life on tears and negative thoughts when you'll never get to live as the you who are now!" she smiled brightly.

How can someone look so happy but so sad at the same time, I wondered.

"Hobi, it's fine to cry sometimes, but please smile more often, your smile is the prettiest in the world!" I couldn't help but smile a little bit. There she is again, washing all my troubles away. "Oh and don't worry too much about what happened, Hana is consoling Areum and she will accept the truth in the end, you can't force love on someone and expect it to not be fake."

I smiled sadly. "What about Taehyung?" I asked confused, expecting to see him at her side. She chuckled. "I asked him to stay behind and console Jimin as both rushed to follow you, but I stopped them. I thought Hana would need him more now. Plus I wanted to be the first one to kick your ass for being silly for nothing!" she stuck out her tongue at me.

That's when I realized my upper body was still in her lap and my face maybe a bit too close to hers. But I didn't overreact, I just moved away from her in a natural way. "Thank you for coming to rescue me again! I wished you didn't, but I won't deny it made me happy" I said shyly, looking away.

"That's what friends are for, Hobi! Not that you wouldn't know that, having such good friends! I am happy as well to be here, I would have been really worried not making sure myself you are fine." she paused. "You know what? If you wouldn't be such a great human being, you wouldn't be surrounded by so many amazing people. I mean not two or three, but six! You might think you are just really lucky, but you've brought it upon yourself through your charming self! You are a literal sunshine and people can live happily because you give them warmth and light! You just need to open your eyes more and realize there are so many signs and reasons that you should love yourself!"

"What about you then? You are the same. Cho is a nice friend and I don't know what other special people are in your life, but then you have me! And if I am that great and awesome as you think, then you should be proud of yourself as you've totally got me wrapped around your finger! And then my friends are your friends as well. So you have not six, but seven really cool people in your life. You should be infatuated with yourself!" I shouted enthusiastically.

She started laughing loudly and leaned backwards, letting her tiny frame rest on the grass. I followed soon after, my body on top of her and my hands pinning down her wrists. "You have to promise me that you'll love yourself! I won't let you go until you promise me!". She tried to wriggle out, a startled look on her face. "Hobi, what are you doing, let me go!"

"Promise me! Just two words and the world is yours!" I repeated sternly. I think she did take me seriously this time as she muttered " I promise I will try, I can't promise more than that..."

I sighed "Fine, that's better than nothing. I'll be satisfied with just that, for now."

"Hobi, are you not going to release me now?" she asked confused. 

"No, you didn't give me exactly what I wanted." I teased.

"So what's the plan, are we just going to stay like that?"

"Maybe" I teased again. "Is it uncomfortable?"

"A little bit. But I would be more worried about yourself. I am not the one with the crotch exposed to potentially receive a full blow by my pretty knee."

I looked down embarrassed as if to make sure everything is safe, loosening my grip on her wrists and the next second it was me the one assaulted, but with a tickle attack! I couldn't help laughing as she was touching everywhere. It was uncomfortable, but I couldn't be any happier.

"Fair enough, I deserved that!" I pouted when she stopped. She giggled and pulled out her phone out of the pocket.

"Should we go back? Tae just messaged me, he's with Jimin and they are really worried."

"Yeah, we should. Can I ask you a quick question before we go?"

"Hit me with the best you've got!"

"What do you think about Taehyung?"

"Tae? Oh, I love him to bits, he's like my soulmate!" I froze at her bluntness with my mouth wide in shock. 

"I gave a quick answer to your quick question, now let's go, they are waiting!" and she pushed me from behind to start me moving. Did anything happen between them? But they didn't kiss. Did I miss something? I was more confused than ever.