Catharsis

*24*

***Ha-Neul's POV***

I was still trying to digest everything that just happened. I wasn't upset, just confused, but mostly doubtful. Hobi was acting strangely suspicious. And I just couldn't work out why. I could have asked, but I didn't want to. He looks like he is struggling enough as it is. 

I wanted to get closer to him, but he was pushing me away. It felt as if he was killing me with kindness. I hope he knows what he just started, because things will never be the same. 

"Sorry, I forgot to ask how you are feeling!" he suddenly snapped me out of my thoughts. 

"I am quite used to pain, so it's not a big deal! It hurts me more that you are so dry!" I tried to be funny, but his facial expression turned grim. 

"I don't get you at all, why aren't you happy? That was the whole point, wasn't it?"

Before I could get an answer, the door to the room opened wide and familiar faces were making their way in. Cho rushed to my side and gently hugged me, trying to not cause me any pain. I was so happy to see my best friend and forget about all the complicated things in life. The rest of BTS followed shortly, all saying hi, spoiling me with attention and chocolate. 

I noticed Tae was still in the door, obviously still uncomfortable about everything that happened between us. I smiled seeing him troubled and he looked too adorable.

"Tae, what are you doing there all shy? That's not like you at all! Come and give me a big fluffy bear hug!" His expression completely changed and his infamous boxy smile made its appearance as he was coming closer. 

"Is it ok? I don't want to hurt you even more..." he whispered enough for only the two of us to hear.

"You hurt me now by not giving me what I need, a big warm hug!" He did what I asked and I couldn't be any happier. His arms wrapped around me felt like home, as if I should move there and never leave.

I was so lost in the moment I completely missed Hobi walking out of the room. It was really getting on my nerves, I was doing what he asked me to and he should be here to witness it. And enjoy it as much as I did. 

To me Taehyung is something surreal, a creature coming from a different world, like an unicorn. He is everything I ever wanted, but so out of touch. I always thought it was all a fantasy. I felt I could never get to him as he is somewhere too high for me to reach. I was too plain for him to notice me, there is no tea for me in his wonderland. 

But I started to see things differently, like Alice falling in the rabbit hole. There was a different perspective to my life and I could do whatever I wanted. It's true that Hobi managed to crack my walls, but Tae had the power to tear them down completely. I was thinking all that as he sat next to me and we were both contemplating each other image. 

In the meantime everyone left in silence, giving us some well deserved privacy. It was time for me to wear my heart on my sleeve and give myself a chance. The man standing next to me deserved so much more than I could ever give him, but I was willing to try and show him the best of me, which hopefully will be enough. 

"I am sorry I ran away from you..." I started first.

"No, I am a million times more sorry, I didn't think my actions at all, Hobi hyung made me understand my mistakes. He is a great friend to both of us!" he interrupted blabbering.

"Is that so?" Some puzzle pieces connected in my head, but this wasn't about Hobi. This was about Tae and me. "You listened to your heart and that is not a mistake, so don't apologize for doing what you wanted to!" Tae chuckled, leaving me confused.

"You sound just like Hobi, that's exactly what he said!" I giggled at the irony. I guess when you don't love yourself and don't do what your heart wants, you get quite good at preaching others. 

"You melt my heart with that cute smile of yours, please stop so I can finish explaining myself!" I pleaded, but Tae smiled even wider, obviously happy at my comment and my heart started to beat faster. I think he noticed my cheeks were turning pink so he covered his mouth as if to hide his embarrassment. 

I smiled, then continued my speech "I didn't run because I hated the kiss or you, I did it because I hated myself. For multiple reasons. First, because I enjoyed it. Second, because I was surprised at myself feeling like that. Third, because I was scared what was going to happen next. Fourth, because I didn't think I deserved it. And fifth, because I still have a boyfriend and that was totally inappropriate,  Kim Taehyung!"

We both burst into laughter. I could tell I was getting more comfortable with the idea of loving myself, as the words came out naturally and I didn't feel ashamed anymore. I felt at ease in his presence because I knew he would never judge me. 

"I will give you five reasons why I am so happy now" Tae continued. "First, because I enjoyed that kiss a lot and it still makes my heart flutter. Second, because I am surprised to hear you did as well. Third, because I am not scared what is going to happen next, I have a good feeling about it. Fourth, because I still can't believe someone so special like you will give me a chance. Fifth, because I've never been happier that I am single and I can be with you anytime, anywhere, anyhow!" he smiled playfully. 

My heart skipped a couple of beats. Was this man for real? Why was I running away from him all this time? If I have said yes that day in the park, none of the recent awful moments would have ever existed. As I realized I started to blame myself again, adding to my self hate, I decided to stop myself. It wasn't a mistake refusing him, it just wasn't the right time. I wasn't ready. 

"If that was a movie, I would have showered you with kisses. But unfortunately we're in real life and it is my cursed story, which needs a lot of work to become worthy." 

"It's not a cursed story, it's a fairytale in disguise. I promised you the sky and that's exactly what I am going to do, turn you into the queen of the clouds!" he said looking extremely motivated.

"Keep that thought in mind, Zeus! First I need to grow back my wings and escape my dysfunctional relationship. Then I'll let you take me to your world."

"Is that a promise, right? I won't let you fool me again!" he stuck his tongue out and I had to look away to hide my embarrassment. 

"If you continue to be that cute, I might change my mind! Or die of cuteness overload!" I teased.

"If I don't die first. I might look composed, but on the inside all I want is to squish that cute face of yours and cuddle with you forever!"

All he says and does makes me so happy and smile uncontrollably. I never met a guy before to make me feel so comfortable. I was a wreck, but a wreck falling in love. And I hoped that his love  would bring me back to the surface and save me from endlessly drowning.