Catharsis

*17*

I was surprised to see that she hasn't even flinched, waiting for me to pull back from the kiss. I did expect some bad reaction, but maybe she didn't hate it? Or maybe she was too shocked to think or move.  There was nothing to read in her eyes. The next second she burst into an hysterical laugh.

"I will have to add clumsy to the list, I don't know what you wanted to do, but you completely missed!" I got annoyed at her words, it wasn't an error at all. 

"No, I didn't, that's exactly what I wanted to do!" She stopped laughing and gave me a dead serious look.

"Look, Hobi, I will let it slide this time, you are definitely confused and are mistaking gratitude with other feelings. Just please, don't do that again, it's no good for either of us." 

I knew it was something I shouldn't have done, but I wasn't going to take it back. I replied "I won't apologize, I did it because I wanted to and I won't regret it."

She let out a loud sigh. "Just remember you were the one that told me to run far away if I ever feel endangered by you. I might have to take that seriously." I frowned at her words. "I need to go, Hobi, and not because of what just happened. I don't want to keep lying to my boyfriend, no matter the good cause."

It felt as if I just woken up from a nice dream and brought back to the harsh reality. I wanted to persuade her to stay longer, but if maybe I had a small chance before the kiss, there were none left now. I was determined to never regret my decision, but I still had to deal with the consequences. 

She came out of the bathroom wearing her own clothes and looking ready to leave. I walked towards the door, but couldn't help asking "Are we still friends?" She smiled and pulled me into a quick hug "Of course, silly! I'll speak to you later!" I just nodded, relieved.

She waved goodbye and close the door after her. I flopped on the couch, covering my face with my arms. I was happy nothing will change between us, but still felt like crying. I wanted her to stay. But she left me instead. And she went into another guy's arms. One that will likely hurt her. And I couldn't do anything about it.

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The spring holiday came to an end. It was time to clean up my own mess and settle things with Areum. Things went better than I expected, she looked like she accepted the fact that she can't make me love her as long as I don't want to be loved. She blamed me, but I was fine with it, as long as it helps her heal and doesn't leave a painful scar.

Things between me and Ha-Neul were still a bit awkward. We didn't talk much since that day, but I knew I had to give her space. I was meeting the boys at the school gates, but little did I know I had to deal with a bigger issue than Areum. 

I could see from afar that Taehyung looked really upset and everyone was trying to cheer him up. I knew the reason, but I still pretended I don't. 

"Hi, guys! I really missed you!" I shouted enthusiastically, trying to hide my real thoughts. We started with a group hug, then Tae started talking "I am not ok, hyung! Ha-Neul went back to her ex and I just can't accept it! She wouldn't listen to me at all! She's been so cold to me these days, as well! I really thought I had a chance!"

I patted his back, understanding his frustrations fully. "I am sorry, Taehyungie, I tried to stop her as well..." I sighed.

"You knew about it?" he asked surprised. The he answered his own question "Of course you did, you are close friends... If she didn't listen to you, what chances do I have? She probably thinks I just don't want her to be with him because I want her all for myself, but that's not the reason! I just know she won't be happy with him..."

"I know, Tae. I know for sure she doesn't think badly of you, she knows you want the best for her. I think she is just trying to find happiness again, in her own way."

Everyone was listening, at a loss of words, seeing both of us being quite troubled. Tae continued in a more optimistic note "The best thing I can do is to be there for her when her boyfriend will betray her again! And I won't let her suffer this time, I will be her medicine!" I smiled at his determination and the atmosphere relaxed a bit. Then we talked about happier things, like  starting practicing again as we did none in the last week. 

A few weeks have passed and me and the boys were busy with a new routine. We found out about another audition, due to be held in a couple of months and we couldn't be more excited about it. We would still hang out with Hana and Cho sometimes, if Jimin and Namjoon wouldn't take them on separate dates. Areum didn't show up anymore.

It was more and more difficult to have time with Ha-Neul. We would only talk at school and very occasionally she would hang out with the rest of the gang, but we were never alone again. From what she told me, her boyfriend was very clingy and jealous so she had to be with him all the time.

I could relate why he would be upset about her hanging out with seven guys and I didn't want her to get in trouble, so I stopped insisting on meeting in our free time. It would take ages for her to reply to my texts as well, so school was the only quality time I could get with her as her boyfriend went to a different one. I started to love school. 

She wasn't talking much about her relationship so it did make me questioning it sometimes, but I decided to trust her and hope she would let me know if she was struggling. She seemed happy enough, but you couldn't tell if she was wearing a mask or not. I really wanted to meet this guy. One day, my wish came true.

It was on a Friday, at the end of class. We were headed to the school gates, smiling and laughing together, completely unaware of the pair of eyes glaring at us. I suddenly heard her name spoken by an unfamiliar voice and turned my head in the direction of sound. The next second Ha-Neul was in a guy's arms and pecked his lips. I could feel an ache throughout my body and felt nauseous.

"Who is this?" he asked irritated, probably seeing how happy we are together.

"He is Hoseok, one of my classmates and a good friend. I mentioned him to you before, he is part of BTS." I relaxed a bit at the idea that she does talk about me and he knows I am her friend.

His gaze warmed up slightly, but I could tell he doesn't like me at all. I greeted him and bowed  politely, even though I didn't really felt like it. He turned back the gesture, but it didn't feel sincere at all. 

Without wanting to spend any more time in my company he said coldly "Let's go!" and he pulled Ha-Neul closer, forcing her to move at his own pace. She turned her head back and waved at me with an apologetic look in her eyes. 

It made me wonder if she is really happy. He looked cold and possessive, not the type of person you would expect to see at her side. Ha-Neul didn't look too happy that I've met him either, as if that ruined the pretty image she's worked hard to keep and I'll start asking questions about the actual truth. That was the moment I knew for sure something wasn't right.