Catharsis

*39*

I stood in front of the door, forgetting how to breathe. I was still unsure if she would actually be in there. I gathered the courage and took a big breath as I typed in the access code. I opened the door and my heart started racing, seeing Ha-neul greeting me. 

She was standing in front of a wall, admiring a painting. Ironically I was doing the same, but with her. She looked like she just got here. She turned to face me and showed me her sweetest smile possible "Happy birthday, Hobi!"

Oh yes, I forgot to mention, today it was my birthday, 18th February. I turned 18 and I could do whatever I wanted. And I just received the most amazing present I could ever ask for: the love of my life.

She looked more beautiful than ever. And despite my worries, she looked peaceful. She looked healthy. She looked confident. And she looked hot as hell.

I felt the adrenaline taking over me and I couldn't stop myself anymore. I slammed the door and rushed to her side, pushing her against the wall passionately. She looked surprised at my boldness, but completely unbothered. Her cheeks flushed a bit. I didn't waste any time and I pressed my lips against hers. Some fireworks lighted up the night sky as if the world was celebrating our moment. There were fireworks in my heart as well. 

I stopped for a second to look at her and make sure we both want the same thing. To my surprise she initiated the kiss this time, deeper and harder and touched me everywhere, slipping her hands beneath my shirt. She took it off swiftly, while I sneaked my hands underneath her sweater to discover she wasn't wearing a bra. That turned me on so much. Everything about her was perfect. I guess it did worth all the wait. It wasn't just a fantasy anymore, it became a certainty. She was finally mine.

She actually looked more excited than me. She took off all of her clothes fast, then pulled down my pants. I took a moment to admire her naked body and she did the same with mine, biting her lips. She made me feel like I was the sexiest man on this planet without even trying. I never felt that aroused in my entire life. I still couldn't believe that was actually happening. I lifted her up and she entangled her legs around my waist. As soon as I went inside of her I reached my climax and I had to come out, making a mess everywhere.

"I am sorry, that looked really lame" I sighed disappointed at myself. 

She giggled "I know you gotta be a bad boy, but you're the nicest I ever met" and I rolled my eyes, even more embarrassed. "Don't worry, I will keep it a secret" she teased again and I placed her feet on the floor, covering my face with my hands. "Actually I think this is real proof of how much you love me, silly" she said while wiping me clean. I looked at her fondly and kissed her again, for a long long time.

"I still think this is just a dream and you will leave me again when the morning comes" I confessed.

"Well, there's just one way to find out. Let's wait and see. Until then, I am all yours" she smiled, taking my hand and carrying me to the bathroom. "Let's take a bath in the meantime, shall we?" and I nodded in approval.

"You say that you are mine, but you know you can do whatever you want to me right now! I am completely under your spell." I confessed, totally defeated.

"Then keep me close and cuddle me until I tell you to stop!"

"Why does all your requests always work in my favour as well?"

"Because I love you" she said smiling lovingly, poking my nose. "I always did. My ultimate goal was your happiness. But just like you, I was too afraid that I might end up hurting you. And when I wanted to give it a try, well, life got in the way. You know the rest of the story."

"Why did you disappear a few months ago? I was ready to give up everything to be with you!" I asked while we got in the bathtub and I spooned her.

"That's the exact reason why I left. It was the worst time for us to end up together. I was losing myself again and I would have only become a burden for you."

"So I was right then. You wanted to kiss me that night, you wanted to choose me!" I started to tickle her as payback.

"It was always what I wanted, you fool." she laughed, trying to get away. "I just had to make sure I am good enough to deserve to be in the sunshine's spotlight. So I worked my ass off really hard to achieve some real self love just to be with you!" she boasted.

"You were always good enough, you couldn't see it because you were blinded by your own spark." I pointed out softly, caressing her cheek. I was completely intoxicated with her.

"Don't look at me like that" she said shyly, covering her face and I thought she was too cute for her own good. "You know we can't be together, right?"

"What do you mean?" I dismissed her words.

"Well, your fan girls are going to kill me. I just started to enjoy life, so it's not an option!" she teased.

"Then I will keep you safe."

"What if I can't stand you flirting with other girls?"

"Then I won't do it."

"What if you won't have time for me?"

"I will make time. You're so tiny that I can actually fit you in my pocket and I can take you with me everywhere. And that sorts out all your problems!" I said proudly. 

"You'd wish. We can stay friends with benefits. That's all you were interested in at first anyways" she mocked.

"Ha-Neul, stop it! I love you more than anything in this world and I mean it. We can be together because that's what we both want. We shouldn't care about anything else. And no matter how difficult, I will find a solution. I will never give up on you and I will never let you go again. That's how much I love you and I will prove it to you. All you have to do is stay by my side!" I reasoned.

She cupped my face and kissed me passionately. Then she added "And get a job at BigHit after I finish high school." We laughed together.

"It's funny how we kept running away from each other all this time when it's obvious we were always meant to be together." she giggled.

"I know, but there is no room for regrets. All of our choices brought us to this day and made us who we are right now. The best version of us." I added confidently.

"When you don't love yourself, get a sunshine to do it for you!" she smiled brightly and kissed my nose. 

"When you hate yourself, get a peculiar blunt crazy vegan very annoying girl but with the biggest heart ever to show you how to love yourself!" I continued.

"Hey, not fair, that didn't sound right! I've always been nice to you, what is that supposed..."

I stopped her blabbering by occupying her mouth with a passionate kiss. My life felt surreal. I had the career I wanted and it gave me the opportunity to do everything that I loved, I had the greatest friends and on top of everything, I was being loved by the most amazing girl. I found the idea that I ever felt bad about myself ridiculous. All those sad memories looked like they belonged to someone else. 

I went down a path full of highs and downs, but at the end of the road I met my real self. The one that is happy and deserves the world. So every time you feel low or not good enough, let other people's love in. It can turn your world upside down, so you can see things clearer, from a different perspective. To realize you are worth it. And when you accept that, you will know the world was always yours. 

***THE END***