Twisted

XVI

Silence.

Heavy Silence.

It embraced every corner of the room in its shadow.

Everyone felt as if they were submerged in quick sand, it felt as they were being sucked into the ground alive, it was hard to breathe, they were suffocating.

None of them ever thought they’d find their selves in such a condition, they never wanted anything to happen to Alexandra, she held pieces of all their hearts.

It physically hurt them all to think about the pain she must have suffered.

They could never forgive their selves, NEVER.

They couldn’t protect the one they claimed to love and it broke them to pieces, especially Zander; yet again he failed another person he treasured.

It was known that Alexandra would not be fine after this, she would not wake up to be alright, she would never be the same, no one is as life is in constant flux but it wasn’t easy to accept that she would be in a lot of pain.
If not physically then mentally.

Despite knowing this, they couldn’t help but hope.

HOPE, an emotion that can be the cruelest thing in the world as it can be the strongest. It is like a weed, grows in the harshest, smallest, darkest of places and stubbornly stays no matter how many times stomped upon.

No wonder it birthed itself in all of their hearts despite the facts flashing like neon signs.

They hoped that Alex would feel better than expected rather than be fine.

They hoped for the best.

They deceived only their own selves because once Alex woke up, they wished for her to react as expected.

They wished she’d scream, shout, cry, be angry or at least have reaction.
Alexandra woke up.

Stone still.

Only spoke to give her statement, only to the doctors and police officers.

Only to strangers.

Otherwise all she had to offer was SILENCE.

Silence that was suffocating her friends, especially Ryder.

He saw how he was losing her but she’d coldly reject his every approach with silence.

A deadly silence.

He tried.

He tried again.

He never stopped trying no matter how much Alex prayed him away, he’d come back like the stubborn hope but she no more had a place for such a thing in her life.

She has accepted her fate like Sisiphus, her life no longer holds hope or meaning.

It’s just a futile existence, she will go on living knowing that she can never attain happiness.

Happiness only brings greater chaos into her life.

She was happy when she was fostered but it only brought her trauma in the form of Colton.

She was yet again happy when Ryder asked her to be his girlfriend and it only brought chaos into her life yet again in the form of Colton.

She could not bear any other kind of fall.

Some people are just meant to be miserable, they are just born to barely exist and be a burden on this land, to be mere drifters, to be solely collectors of pain maybe, just maybe, they do have a purpose.

Maybe they exist to absorb all the sadness that they can in order to lessen the hurt of others.

Maybe they are only meant to be candles.

Only meant to burn.

Only the bearers of doom.

So, she’ll be a hopeless fleeting soul that will someday rest knowing she tried her best to help others because that is what she aims to do all her life; help others.

*********************************************

Days passed.

Time went by.

Seasons changed.

It was now winter.

Cold, just like Alexandra has been feeling for the past five months.

She silently, slowly drifted through the seconds, minutes and hours.

She took her meds, went to therapy, but barely spoke about what happened.

Every one tried but did not want to push Alex.

They tried to connect with her by respecting her need for space.

They thought she needed space but all she needed right now was forceful break that could shatter all her walls of insecurities.

She was trapped, she was suffocating, she was changing for the worse.

But the silence remained stagnant.

Stagnant and polluted.

Having enough and feeling utterly hopeless, Ryder finally decided to face Alexandra.

"What is wrong with you? Why wouldn't you just speak to me? Say anything, anything but please don't shut me out. I'm trying, I'm trying so hard but Alex I can't help you or support you if you wouldn't even talk to me. I know it hurts, I know I can never understand or comprehend the pain you are going through but I want to try to at least do something but I can't because you wouldn't even speak to me much less let me in and I know it's hard for you, it must be so painful to do that but at least try. I beg you to at least try", Ryder whispered slowly, softly, full of vulnerably though it sounded like a scream in all the deadly silence.

He couldn't help but ask and beg Alexandra in a strained voice.

He couldn't bear to watch her silently anymore as she was fading away.

She grew weak day by day.

She spoke less day by day, barely even to the strangers.

She was losing strength.

She couldn't battle with her self anymore.

She just wanted to die but she wasn't strong enough to kill herself.

She couldn't bring herself to do the deed of riding this world of a useless person.

She couldn't accept her self.

She couldn't bear the thought of being in her own bloody body.

It disgusted her.

How could he still stand her?

How could he stay even after all these months?

She replied in a fragile voice that broke Ryder's heart and he ended up shedding tears for her pain.

"I lost everyone , even myself".

Ryder cried that day, silent tears.

SILENCE was now becoming something sinister with it's tentacles all around them.

Ryder vowed to end this silence if it was the last thing he did.

He knew how wrong Alex was about losing them.

They were all here, they were all here for her.

They never thought of her as changed or not herself anymore.

So far from truth can miscommunications lead people, like now, how Alex assumed they all thought of her as a victim yet all they could think of her as was a Survivor.

She was a brave survivor in their eyes, who fought for herself and held her own in such a soul crushing fight.

She had reduced Colton, her attacker to mere comatose pile of limbs.

If he weren't in such a condition already, they would've all murdered him long ago.

So, Ryder vowed to make Alex realize: how she had all of them and even herself.