Passions of Spring

Kabanata 33

Kabanata 33
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Watching my mother soundly sleeping under the pain medication stabs my soul. It's harder to see her like this everyday. Kahit na tumawa siya, makipagbiruan, hindi nito naiibsan ang sakit ng makita siyang ganito kapayat, nanghihina, at unti-unting nalalagasan ng buhok.

It doesn't make any sense. My mother is a very healthy, strong woman, this shouldn't have happen. She doesn't deserve a lot of the things that are happening to her.

Good people deserve good things, right? They should have a good life! Pero bakit ganito ang nangyayari kay mama? Bakit ganito ang buhay namin?

My body wanted to move. Kailangan kong gumalaw ng gumalaw dahil kung hindi, pakiramdam ko sasabog ako. Lumabas ako ng ospital at hinayaan ang mga paa na dalhin ako kahit saan.

I reached the road, immersed in the sea full of strangers. These were the people relieved to go home after a long day. Bawat sulok ng paningin ko, kita ko ang mga masasayang mukha ng mga ito. Rinig ang tawanan at masiglang kwentuhan.

In the center of their sunny disposition was me, drowning at the center. Invisible and unimportant. Hinayaan kong tangayin ako ng alon ng mga tao hanggang sa makarating kami sa main road, kung saan pila-pila ang mga sasakyan.

Then, like the furious storm winds, I ran. My feet pounded in the ground like thunder against clouds. My mind was a surge of chaotic thoughts; fear, shame, regret, anger, but above all else, I was infinitely sad.

I was sad for my mother and father, and I was sad for myself, for all the injustice and for the love that wasn't meant to be.

Tulad ng matinding ulan, nagsimula akong lumuha. Umagos ang luha ko tila baha sa gitna ng sakuna. Paulit-ulit kong pinunasan ang luha gamit sa likod ng kamay ngunit hindi tumitila ang pagbuhos nito.

"Zelda?" may sumigaw sa aking likuran, ngunit hindi ko iyon nilingon. Nagpatuloy ako sa pagtakbo hanggang sa makarating sa isang abandonadong gusali ng nasunog na lumang mall.

Tila tinatawag ako ng kadilimang taglay ng gusaling iyon. There's something beautiful inside the building, the plants that crept its way in the broken tiles, the insects that dominated the lot, that tiny ray of light that shown the single flower in the middle of the first floor.

"Zelda!" a strong hand gripped my wrist. Napalingon ako at nakita si Silver, hingal at magulo ang ayos. "Where are you going?"

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at pilit hinihila ang braso pabalik.

"Hey, ano nangyari? Bakit ka pumasok rito?" tanong niya.

"Silver, please..."

"What?"

"Tama na. Alam ko na. Hindi mo na kailangang magkunwari. At this point, I don't even care what you did. Ang dami ko nang problema, pati ba naman ikaw poproblemahin ko?"

"What do you mean?" his grip grew tighter.

"Ayoko na, nahihirapan na ako. Pinagsisisihan ko ang lahat, dapat lumayo nalang ako nung binalaan ako ng lahat, dapat hindi na ako lumapit pa. I was a fool to believe this would work, that there would be a happy ending for us. I was gravely mistaken."

"Zelda," he licked his lips. "I told you, your problems are mine, too. Isama mo ako at gagawan natin ng paraan ang lahat."

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa mga mata niya at nakaramdam ng matinding takot. In his eyes, I see that Senyora Valeria was wrong, Silver truly cares for me. He loves me. Only love could bring this much suffering in someone's eyes.

Alam kong masasaktan ako kung lumabas na totoo ang sinasabi ni Senyora Valeria. Pero hindi ko inaasahan na mas masakit palang makita na ganito siya ka-sinsero. Dahil alam kong kung gaano siya madudurog sa susunod kong sasabihin.