Antara Darah dan Hati: Dream Reality English Translation

Chapter 11 Part 2 "Strah"

POV Muhamed

I'm afraid of firearms, that's why I didn't want to practice using them last night. Just seeing their shapes made me feel uneasy. The reason why I'm afraid of firearms is, I've seen someone killed with them.

I was around 15 years old at the time, I was still an unruly early teenager. At that time, I came home late at night after hanging out for quite a long time, because I didn't want to get home quickly, I decided to take a further direction home to waste time.

When I was passing through a small alley, I saw two people fighting, then one of them took out a knife and stabbed it into his opponent's body. The person who was stabbed collapsed and then he was shot twice in the head. I was terrified to see that to the point that I couldn't move a single part of my body. I was freezing on where I stood due to the shock that attacked me. My heart pondeing faster as the light of the street lamp lit the back of the person who had killed his opponent. He wore a black leather jacket with a coat of arms and a name that was quite feared by the Dutch people, Jalan Darah MC.

When that person turned around, he saw me and walked to me while slowly raising his hand that was holding the gun. Without thinking, I immediately ran as fast as I could, I heard footsteps behind me and then I heard the sound of firearms exploding.

He fired the gun but missed, my heart was beating even faster with the second, then the third shot. I, who no longer knew how I was and whether the bullet hit my body or not, continued to run and turn when I saw a turn and just as I turned, there was a sound of shooting for the fourth time. I heard the sound of bullets whizzing through my ears and then my cheek felt like they were cut by hot metal. The panic raging through me, I wanted to scream for help but there was no one at that time, leaving me with no other choice but to keep running.

My heartbeat was getting worse, I felt like I was going to pass out and then, after a while, I didn't hear any more gunshots. Knowing that, I immediately hid behind the wall of a house, leaned against the wall and cried profusely and for the next few days I became more quiet than usual.

I've never told this to anyone even to my parents, I'm really weak. Karim, if you were in my position what would you have done? Sometimes I wish that I were you, it must feel good not to be able to feel pain, at least you can fight and bring out all your fighting abilities without having to worry about pain while me? I can't do it.

Karim, forgive your weak brother, I don't know if brother Lodewijk's plan will work or not but I feel that if I become the bait, this plan will fail because they will find out earlier that I am not the hacker they are looking for. I'm sure they know that most professional hackers are not people who are afraid of authority because they exist to fight against the authorities and the governments like the Anonymous group do and me? I'm not people like them.

Sometimes I ask, how do you turn fear into courage? I want to be brave like you. What will you say if you saw me like this? Ah, you might say this proverb, goed verloren, niet verloren ; moed verloren, veel verloren ; eer verloren, meer verloren ; ziel verloren, al verloren.

The proverb is true, I must not lose my courage, if I lose here then everyone will lose and lost. I'm scared but I have to endure it, bismillaah, laa hawla wa laa quwwata illa billaah, vrijheid of dood.

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Bosnian Dictionary

Strah = fear

I got the translation from my Bosnian friend, Ibrahim Kozlić, below is a screenshot image of ny conversation with him.

Dutch Dictionary

Goed verloren, niet verloren ; moed verloren, veel verloren ; eer verloren, meer verloren ; ziel verloren, al verloren = if you lose well you are not losing, if you lose completely it means you lose courage, loosing courage causes to lose many things, to lose many things is losing honor, if honor lost you'll lose more, losing more caused you losing your soul, if you lose your soul you'll lose everything.

*Trivia

Jalan Darah MC was inspired by Satudarah MC, the most feared motorcycle gang in the Netherlands.